Okay, I admit it. I went for shock value in the original version of yesterday’s blog post title. You may be happy to know it didn’t produce the curiosity and traffic I had hoped. Maybe there’s hope for us yet. But some of the folks who came to the blog were thinking, “Oh, this would have been great to hear 20 years ago. But I didn’t do this. Now I’m married and things are a mess.” I get that. Why? Because I didn’t follow those 7 steps either. I blew it and I know how tough it is to overcome that. While it is harder to have a great sex life in marriage if you didn’t follow these 7 steps, your marriage can still be great and so can the sex. But how? What if I already blew the 7 steps, what do I do now?
On Saturday, Jon Acuff, over at Stuff Christians Like, asked for some advice on a talk on sex he is supposed to present at a Christian college. That prompted me to wonder what I would say if given the same opportunity. I landed on this: “7 Steps to Great Sex in Marriage.” Keep in mind this is for college students, so I’m gearing it towards folks who aren’t married. However, I hope it will be helpful to everyone.
Yesterday, my brother-in-law, Nathan Williams, asked some questions on his blog about men and their thoughts on modesty. I tried to respond but for some reason his spam filter kept telling me my comment seemed spammy and wouldn’t let it be posted. So I sent it to him in e-mail to see if he could get it posted. He decided to post it as his blog entry today. Thanks, Nathan, for posting that. And I appreciate you striving to protect my rep by keeping it anonymous. However, I think one of the reasons we keep hearing from church after church about men falling, especially preachers and elders, is because we act like none of us ever have any real problems with lust.
This month’s Cosmopolitan magazine offers women “50 Ways to Seduce a Man (In One Minute or Less).” Part of me wanted to check out that article to see how many of the ways fit within The 7 Appeals of a Seductress I wrote about the other day. However, the picture on the cover led me to believe that magazine is dangerous to my soul. So I left it in the rack. Here’s the point, ladies. Some women want to seduce your man and they are educating others in how to accomplish that in less than one minute.
I was mad at my wife a few weeks ago. The reason why is unimportant. I felt like she had wronged me. That happens in marriage some times. Because of this, I was starting to get into resentment and bitterness. The more I resented her and became embittered, the more reasons I could think of to resent her and be embittered. The more things I thought of that made me mad at her, the more my own sins seemed attractive. In fact, I was entitled to them.
Fortunately, by the grace of God, I have some friends I turn to for accountability. [Read more…] about The 1st Key for Dealing with Marital Strife
Hey guys, if you’re like me, you walk through the door after a hard day online…I mean at work, and you just don’t know what to say to your wife. Let me give you the top 5 things you should say to your wife when you get home tonight.
#1: I’m sorry.
Sorry for what? It doesn’t matter. You’ve done something. You know you have. She believes you have. Just apologize for it now. Start working on the reconciliation. Further, if you want to make her day, this doesn’t have to be an apology, it could simply be a statement of fact.
#2: Can I help?
It doesn’t matter with what. Just be of some use. I know you’ve been at work all day, slaving, trying to make a buck. But you’re little lady hasn’t been at home sitting on the sofa watching soaps and eating bon-bons. She’s been cleaning your house, fixing your meals, laundering your clothes, raising your kids. Don’t wait for her to ask. You start off with it.
#3: How was your day?
I know you’ve been talking to people all day long. You want some peace and quiet. You want to veg out for a while and just get away from it all. But your wife needs some adult conversation. She’s been listening to bickering, whining, complaining, crying, pouting, excuse-making, and on rare occasions loving conversations between the children. She needs to unwind. She needs to let it get out. Give her the freedom to let it out, to vent, to purge.
By the way, don’t just say this. Actually sit down and listen to her. Don’t complain about any of it. Don’t get defensive about it. Don’t check your e-mail on your phone. Don’t sigh. Just listen and provide validation.
#4: It is so good to see you, I missed you today.
Let her know you were thinking about her. You weren’t trying to be away from her all day. That was a necessary evil. Let her know you’re glad to be around her. Don’t say that and then walk off to watch TV. Stay in the room with her and spend some time with her like you really did miss her.
#5: Can I do something tonight with just me and the kids while you go do something without us?
I know some wives and mothers say they don’t ever want you to say this. Sadly, understand they are probably lying to you about other things as well.
Let her pursue that online course she’s been wanting to take. Let her have her trip to the bookstore or a few moments at the local coffee shop. Make sure this isn’t just a way for her to go do the grocery shopping. She should get that opportunity for free anyway. Let her have a night out with friends.
What? No “I love you.” Well, of course you need to say that. The problem is for some of us that is all we know how to say and if we don’t say some of these other things from time to time, “I love you” starts to ring hollow.
Hey wives, are there any other things you’d like us to say when we get home? Let us know by clicking here.