Benjamin Rush had a lot to say about the education of women during post-Revolution America. While I certainly don’t agree with all that he said, the thing I liked most about what he said was a comparison of the way women in “modern” times are praised versus the praise Solomon gave the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. Read on and let me know what you think about his assessment.
Hey guys, if you’re like me, you walk through the door after a hard day online…I mean at work, and you just don’t know what to say to your wife. Let me give you the top 5 things you should say to your wife when you get home tonight.
#1: I’m sorry.
Sorry for what? It doesn’t matter. You’ve done something. You know you have. She believes you have. Just apologize for it now. Start working on the reconciliation. Further, if you want to make her day, this doesn’t have to be an apology, it could simply be a statement of fact.
#2: Can I help?
It doesn’t matter with what. Just be of some use. I know you’ve been at work all day, slaving, trying to make a buck. But you’re little lady hasn’t been at home sitting on the sofa watching soaps and eating bon-bons. She’s been cleaning your house, fixing your meals, laundering your clothes, raising your kids. Don’t wait for her to ask. You start off with it.
#3: How was your day?
I know you’ve been talking to people all day long. You want some peace and quiet. You want to veg out for a while and just get away from it all. But your wife needs some adult conversation. She’s been listening to bickering, whining, complaining, crying, pouting, excuse-making, and on rare occasions loving conversations between the children. She needs to unwind. She needs to let it get out. Give her the freedom to let it out, to vent, to purge.
By the way, don’t just say this. Actually sit down and listen to her. Don’t complain about any of it. Don’t get defensive about it. Don’t check your e-mail on your phone. Don’t sigh. Just listen and provide validation.
#4: It is so good to see you, I missed you today.
Let her know you were thinking about her. You weren’t trying to be away from her all day. That was a necessary evil. Let her know you’re glad to be around her. Don’t say that and then walk off to watch TV. Stay in the room with her and spend some time with her like you really did miss her.
#5: Can I do something tonight with just me and the kids while you go do something without us?
I know some wives and mothers say they don’t ever want you to say this. Sadly, understand they are probably lying to you about other things as well.
Let her pursue that online course she’s been wanting to take. Let her have her trip to the bookstore or a few moments at the local coffee shop. Make sure this isn’t just a way for her to go do the grocery shopping. She should get that opportunity for free anyway. Let her have a night out with friends.
What? No “I love you.” Well, of course you need to say that. The problem is for some of us that is all we know how to say and if we don’t say some of these other things from time to time, “I love you” starts to ring hollow.
Hey wives, are there any other things you’d like us to say when we get home? Let us know by clicking here.
Thirty-six years ago today, one of the most special people in the world to me was born. At the time, I had no idea she existed. Of course, at the time, I was not even here. For 20 years, we were oblivious to each other’s existence. She lived in Birmingham at a time when My Dad and I were repeatedly traveling through the city. We may have ridden in cars side by side down the interstate and not even known it.
We met at The University of North Alabama in Florence while eating lunch or dinner (I can’t remember which) at Harold and Annelle Comer’s home. She was beautiful and I was smitten. However, she was still pretty much oblivious to my existence. So, I became a pest. Finally, I got up the nerve to ask her out. She was doing her nails or something like that and couldn’t make it. I was not to be so easily put off. Finally, we went out on a date. Then another. Then another.
I regret to say we were one of those couples who couldn’t decide if we were actually going to keep going out or not. She broke up with me a couple of times, but I kept pulling her back in. Finally, we hit a point where it all just clicked.
I regret that I was a loser when it came to proposing. I heard a friend talk about renting a limo and taking his girlfriend out on a great date when he proposed. I wish that could be my story. Instead, I was working on all kinds of plans to make my proposal a wonderful Valentine’s present back in 1995. However, I was carrying the ring in my pocket (big mistake) when we pulled into the Chinese buffet for lunch. There we were, parked in the back of this cheap Chinese buffet, parked next to the dumpster no less, the ring burning a hole in my pocket and I blurted out, “Do you want your Valentine’s present?” “Sure,” she said. Out came the ring and a mumbled proposal. I wish I had asked her dad’s permission first. But not only was I a bumbler, I wasn’t as respectful as I should be. Fortunately, he wasn’t too mad about it.
The hassle and wait for a big wedding was just too much. So, we had a small family affair on April 15, 1995. I had finally caught her. HAH! I wish I could say I’ve been a stellar husband for the last 14 years. The truth is, not so much. Because of my total lack of stellarness, we’ve had some rocky days. I’m sure she’s wondered over and over again how on earth she got stuck with me when she could have ended up with so many better guys. But what I appreciate most about her is she didn’t simply get stuck with me, she has stuck with me. Even when I’ve had to apologize for really big blunders, she’s always been there. Most of the time she even says she respects me–go figure.
Thanks to her, I have four wonderful, healthy children. She does most of the raising. She does a great job. She keeps us fed. She keeps us clothed. She keeps sheets on the bed. She keeps us comfortable in our home. She’s a melancholy, so she never thinks she does a great job at any of this and doesn’t believe me when I say it, but she is awesome at all of it.
Today is my springboard for the family day. Maybe this isn’t much of a springboard for you and your family, but I just couldn’t help but give a shout out to the biggest springboard in my family and in my life.
Marita, thank you for marrying me. Thank you for staying with me. I look forward to growing old with you.
If You Need a Real Springboard, Here It Is
For those looking for a real springboard for your marriage, here it is. Never let a blog post count as your birthday gift to your wife.
I had an awesome and awful weekend all rolled into one. Had an awesome weekend studying prayer with some brethren in Chillicothe. But I got really, really sick and that was awful. I don’t think I have been that sick since I was in college. Because of the sickness, I didn’t get to travel home until yesterday and so we missed this week’s Springboard for Your Spiritual Life. We’ll get that back next week.
I don’t know if what I want to share today is much of a Springboard or if it is just something to share. But I want to share it.
I learned a great lesson this week. Mark and Sharon Hatfield were great hosts to the sick and afflicted. At about 3:30 on Saturday morning, I had to wake Mark up and get some help. After several bouts in the bathroom with my sickness, I was getting weak and feared being dehydrated. I couldn’t find the bottled water or any Gatorade. So I woke him up.
For about 4 hours, I had been sick all alone. I’m not sure I have ever missed my wife as much as I did in those hours. Of course, it’s not like she has miraculous powers to heal. But usually when I’m sick, she’s there. She says comforting things. She sympathizes. She puts a cold rag on my neck. She puts up with my whining and moaning as if I’m on death’s door.
For about 4 hours, no one was there but me and the toilet.
What’s the point in all this?
I was once again impressed with the reality of the greatness of marriage and love. I remember when I was a teenager and looking forward to marriage. Sadly, my big thought was “I’ll finally get to go ‘all the way.'” For some reason, even Christians, especially as young people, seem to have the idea that marriage is mostly about sex. The fact is, going all the way in a relationship isn’t about sex. If that is your idea of going all the way, you haven’t even gone halfway. In fact, you probably haven’t even scratched the surface of what God really has planned for great relationships. Going all the way in a relationship is about being there through thick and thin. When the wallet is empty and month is left, going all the way is helping each other through. When family members are dying and our emotional well is run dry, going all the way is about being a shoulder to lean on and cry on. Going all the way means loving someone so much when they’re sick you’re right there beside them no matter how gross or painful it is.
The fact is, I never dreamed I would be thankful for my wife because she is there when I’m puking my guts out. However, I guarantee, I’ll never take that for granted again.
So, don’t think a great relationship is based on looks. Let’s face it, how many Hollywood marriages between hunks and hotties fail every day. A great relationship is not one made up of steamy sex between hot bodies. A great relationship is one where a husband and wife will be there to serve and support even when the other is in its most unattractive position like running at both ends while acting like a big baby.
I grew to love my wife more this weekend and I just want to say a big thank you to her. I found out this weekend what she really does provide for me even when I’m not really thinking about it.
I hope you can say the same about your spouse.