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Relationships

7 More Steps for Those of Us Who Blew the 7 Steps to Great Sex in Marriage

April 12, 2011 by Edwin Crozier 2 Comments

Okay, I admit it. I went for shock value in the original version of yesterday’s blog post title. You may be happy to know it didn’t produce the curiosity and traffic I had hoped. Maybe there’s hope for us yet. But some of the folks who came to the blog were thinking, “Oh, this would have been great to hear 20 years ago. But I didn’t do this. Now I’m married and things are a mess.” I get that. Why? Because I didn’t follow those 7 steps either. I blew it and I know how tough it is to overcome that. While it is harder to have a great sex life in marriage if you didn’t follow these 7 steps, your marriage can still be great and so can the sex. But how? What if I already blew the 7 steps, what do I do now?

[Read more…] about 7 More Steps for Those of Us Who Blew the 7 Steps to Great Sex in Marriage

Filed Under: Christian living, God's Way for Our Family, Husbands, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Wives Tagged With: avoiding divorce, better marriages, divorce, Marriage, overcoming divorce, Relationships, sex, sexuality

7 Steps to Great Sex in Marriage

April 11, 2011 by Edwin Crozier 5 Comments

On Saturday, Jon Acuff, over at Stuff Christians Like, asked for some advice on a talk on sex he is supposed to present at a Christian college. That prompted me to wonder what I would say if given the same opportunity. I landed on this: “7 Steps to Great Sex in Marriage.” Keep in mind this is for college students, so I’m gearing it towards folks who aren’t married. However, I hope it will be helpful to everyone.

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Filed Under: Christian living, God's Way for Our Family, God's Way for Our Lives, Husbands, Marriage, Relationships, Sex and Sexuality, Wives Tagged With: Love, making out, Marriage, purity, sex, sexuality

Another Reason I Love God

March 24, 2011 by Edwin Crozier 4 Comments

I was humbled last night. I don’t know whether to make this post a family post because it had to do with my relationship with my kids or to make it about our individual spiritual lives because it taught me about my relationship with God. I’ll just tell you the story and let you draw your own conclusions.

[Read more…] about Another Reason I Love God

Filed Under: Disciplining Children, Fathers, Forgiveness, God's Love, God's Way for Our Family, God's Way for Our Lives, Grace, Growth, Love, Making Mistakes, My Family, parenting, Raising Boys, Raising Kids, Relationships Tagged With: boys, Disciplining Children, God is my Father, God's Love, parenting, patience, Raising Kids

7 Ways Wives Can Beat the Seductress

March 10, 2011 by Edwin Crozier 3 Comments

This month’s Cosmopolitan magazine offers women “50 Ways to Seduce a Man (In One Minute or Less).” Part of me wanted to check out that article to see how many of the ways fit within The 7 Appeals of a Seductress I wrote about the other day. However, the picture on the cover led me to believe that magazine is dangerous to my soul. So I left it in the rack. Here’s the point, ladies. Some women want to seduce your man and they are educating others in how to accomplish that in less than one minute.

That’s where today’s post comes in. My brother-in-law, Nathan Williams, reposted my article and received a great response from a brother named Doug Hoffman. I received permission to repost it here.

[Read more…] about 7 Ways Wives Can Beat the Seductress

Filed Under: God's Way for Our Family, Husbands, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Sex and Sexuality, Wives Tagged With: husbands, Marriage, seducer, seductress, sex, sexuality, wives

The 5 Best Things to Say to Your Wife When You Get Home Tonight

January 25, 2011 by Edwin Crozier 7 Comments

Hey guys, if you’re like me, you walk through the door after a hard day online…I mean at work, and you just don’t know what to say to your wife. Let me give you the top 5 things you should say to your wife when you get home tonight.

#1: I’m sorry.

Sorry for what? It doesn’t matter. You’ve done something. You know you have. She believes you have. Just apologize for it now. Start working on the reconciliation. Further, if you want to make her day, this doesn’t have to be an apology, it could simply be a statement of fact.

#2: Can I help?

It doesn’t matter with what. Just be of some use. I know you’ve been at work all day, slaving, trying to make a buck. But you’re little lady hasn’t been at home sitting on the sofa watching soaps and eating bon-bons. She’s been cleaning your house, fixing your meals, laundering your clothes, raising your kids. Don’t wait for her to ask. You start off with it.

#3: How was your day?

I know you’ve been talking to people all day long. You want some peace and quiet. You want to veg out for a while and just get away from it all. But your wife needs some adult conversation. She’s been listening to bickering, whining, complaining, crying, pouting, excuse-making, and on rare occasions loving conversations between the children. She needs to unwind. She needs to let it get out. Give her the freedom to let it out, to vent, to purge.

By the way, don’t just say this. Actually sit down and listen to her. Don’t complain about any of it. Don’t get defensive about it. Don’t check your e-mail on your phone. Don’t sigh. Just listen and provide validation.

#4: It is so good to see you, I missed you today.

Let her know you were thinking about her. You weren’t trying to be away from her all day. That was a necessary evil. Let her know you’re glad to be around her. Don’t say that and then walk off to watch TV. Stay in the room with her and spend some time with her like you really did miss her.

#5: Can I do something tonight with just me and the kids while you go do something without us?

I know some wives and mothers say they don’t ever want you to say this. Sadly, understand they are probably lying to you about other things as well.

Let her pursue that online course she’s been wanting to take. Let her have her trip to the bookstore or a few moments at the local coffee shop. Make sure this isn’t just a way for her to go do the grocery shopping. She should get that opportunity for free anyway. Let her have a night out with friends.

What? No “I love you.” Well, of course you need to say that. The problem is for some of us that is all we know how to say and if we don’t say some of these other things from time to time, “I love you” starts to ring hollow.

Hey wives, are there any other things you’d like us to say when we get home? Let us know by clicking here.

Filed Under: God's Way for Our Family, Husbands, Manhood, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: homefires, husbands, Love, Marriage, relationship, wife, wives

Give Your Family Unconditional Love

September 7, 2010 by Edwin Crozier

I’m glad I’m reading The Secret of Staying in Love* by John Powell. These are lessons I need to grasp. Even though he doesn’t reference Bible verses, I believe his point is biblical. This is an excerpt from his chapter “Human Needs and the Experience of Love” about unconditional love. This is the kind of love we need to develop for spouses, children, and parents.

thesis three: effective love is unconditional

Love may be given either conditionally or unconditionally. There is no other possibility. Either I attach conditions to my love or I do not. I would like to say at this point that only unconditional love can effect change in the life of the person to whom that love is offered.

In his work, Conceptions of Modern Psychiatry, from which we took our working definition of love, Dr. Sullivan talks of the “quiet miracle of developing the capacity of love.” He describes being loved as the source of this miracle. The first impulse to change, he says, comes not so much from being challenged as from being loved. Only in an atmosphere of unconditionally offered love will the human barriers to relationships be lowered.

There is a story of a housewife who related that her husband’s love seemed to be conditioned on her keeping the house tidy and in order at all times. She maintained that she needed to know that he loved her whether the house was cleaned up or not, in order to have the strength to keep the house clean. If you understand and agree with what she is saying, you understand the point being made here. The only kind of love that helps us change and grow is unconditional.

Conditional love always degenerates into pan-scale love. Both parties are expected, in pan-scale love, to put a donation into the proper pan so that a perfect balance is achieved. But sooner or later some tension, some pain, some struggle will distract one of the pan-scale lovers, and he will not make his monthly payment on time. So conditional lover #2, refusing to be swindled, removes part of his contribution in order to be sure that more isn’t going out than coming in–until nothing is left but emotional or legal divorce.

There is another question, and it is not so simple. Can we expect one party in a love relationship to continue making an unconditional contribution and commitment of love without a sustaining response from the other? Theoretically, I believe that if a person could continue offering an unconditional love, the other would in time respond. But perhaps it would be too late. If the person trying to offer unconditional love is given nothing in response, to nourish his own capacity and renew his strength for love, the relationship may be brought to an inevitable failure.

In practice I think this possibility is claimed far more than it actually occurs. People renege on their love commitments, run off to divorce courts, and take to falling in love all over again (with somebody else), without ever challenging their personal resources, developing their ingenuity, or testing their coping mechanism. It has been said that love works if we will work at it. I think that this is true, and I think that fidelity will always be the measure and test of human love.

Footnote: “Unconditional love” should be interpreted as an ideal, a goal towards which true love aspires, but which is realistically not within human reach or attainment. We are all to some extent injured, limited by the throb of our own needs and pains. Only a totally unscarred and free person could consistently give unconditional love. Such a person, of course, does not exist.

*Yes, that was an affiliate link. By now, you probably assumed that. Here is another one to make it easier for you to buy a copy of Powell’s book.

Filed Under: Fathers, God's Way for Our Family, Love, Marriage, Mother, parenting, Raising Kids, Relationships Tagged With: family, John Powell, Love, Marriage, parenting, raising children, unconditional love

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