Book Review

“How To Have that Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding”

January 11, 2012 by Edwin Crozier Leave a Comment

Last week was New Year’s and many of us resolved to watch less tv, read more books. Whether or not that’s the case for you, if you only have one book that you have time to read this year…well, of course, make it the Bible. But if you have time to read two books this year, I’d like to make a recommendation: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding by Drs. Cloud and Townsend.

Check out the video review by clicking the link below.

Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Book Review

January 4, 2011 by Edwin Crozier 4 Comments

What is a man? Have you thought about it? Have you told your son about it? Have you modeled it for him? Have you paved the way for him to be one?

That is the crux of Robert Lewis’s book, “Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood*.” I know I’m a little late on this train. The book is 13 years old and was revamped, updated, and expanded 3 years ago. However, I first learned about it last Thursday. I finished it on Saturday. That may tell you something.

Fathers and Grandfathers alike need to read this book in which Lewis relates a journey he and three friends travelled together in their own personal manhood and that of training their boys to be men. The basis of their plan is to resurrect knighthood. In the middle ages, a certain class of men received specific training to be men. When they started developing into men, they were assigned a mentor, becoming his page. They progressed to being a squire. Eventually, if they pursued their training well, they were dubbed a knight. The most profound aspect of this was none of these men had to question whether or not they had become a man, a knight. They knew it. They had seen knighthood modeled. They had been trained to be a knight. They had been inducted without equivocation into the ranks of knighthood.

Our society seems to be missing that today. Boys rarely see a vision cast for manhood. They are infrequently trained in any way to be a man. What most get today is a government-run education whose only goal is to supposedly prepare them to have a job someday (probably so they can pay taxes). Further, they are inundated and pummeled with media images of pathetic manhood as fathers have become the butt of most sitcom jokes. They are left to wonder even after they have left home and stepped out into the world to care for themselves whether or not they have ever become a real man.

What we need today is a brotherhood of knights. Men who have been taught what being a man looks like. Men who have been taught what a real man acts like. Men who have seen modeled how real men treat others, especially women. Lewis sets forth a plan of action tested and tried in the crucible of his own fatherhood.

In this book, he establishes a four-pronged vision of manhood, a three-legged code of conduct, and an over-arching transcendent cause to accomplish. Finally, he spikes the whole concept home by showing how to make this process unmistakably clear to your boys through the use of a series of ceremonies as they grow up to manhood, knighthood.

This book only scratches the surface. As I considered my own plans, mostly prompted by this book, I felt that it didn’t go far enough. But at the same time, it seems that having this plan, even if it didn’t seem to directly declare as much as I wanted it to about real manhood, ended up getting the job done better than I’ve been doing. Of course, that may be why Lewis has a ton of other stuff on manhood and raising boys. Additionally, while the book mentions baptism as a great ceremony, it neglects to demonstrate its essential nature to salvation and being in Christ. Further, the whole concept is predicated on the ideal theory of chivalry and knighthood, while it glosses over the real savagery and immorality committed by many knights. Someone buying into this idea may do more study on knighthood and find himself disgusted rather than uplifted.

Having said that, I’m excited about what I got from this book. I’m excited about bringing back the ideal of knighthood and the theory of chivalry. I’m excited to pass this book on to other fathers. I’m excited to start developing my own community of knights. I’m excited to start casting a vision with my boys of real manhood. This book will not be the end-all be-all of manhood, and I don’t think Lewis expects it to be. But it will be the springboard to propel me on a journey that I think will benefit my family, my boys, even my girls, and me.

I’d like to invite you on that same journey. If you are looking for a plan to help you raise your boys into men, I suggest you start right here.

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*Yes, this post contains affiliate links. If I’m going to raise my boys to manhood, it is going to take some fundage. Help a father out. Click on the links and purchase the book. You’ll be helping you and me at the same time. Thanks. By the way, in case you missed it. Here is another affiliate link to help you purchase the book.

“The Dumbest Generation” by Mark Bauerlein (A Review by Shane Scott)

March 31, 2009 by Edwin Crozier Leave a Comment

Glad you could make it to today’s Springboard for Your Family Life. I have a special treat “presidential candidate” Shane Scott, who runs the Faith and Thought blog, has put on his serious cap for this guest post and provided us a great review of Mark Bauerlein’s book The Dumbest Generation: How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future (Or, Don’t Trust Anyone Under 30). Thanks Shane for this excellent review.

“The Dumbest Generation”

The basic thesis of The Dumbest Generationis spelled out in its subtitle: “How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future (Or, Don’t Trust Anyone Under 30).” Mark Bauerlein’s argument is that the under-30 generation (sometimes called the “Millennials”) have more information and technology at their fingertips than any other generation in history, but ironically this digital revolution has contracted rather than expanded their knowledge.

Why is this the case? Part of it according to Bauerlein is the intrinsic nature of digital media. The under-30s rarely read books (Bauerlein calls them “bibliophobes”). Instead, they prefer the computer screen. While in theory lots of reading could be done on the web, the fact is that the inherent design of web pages discourages deep and thoughtful reading. As Nielsen Norman (an expert in web page development) said in response to a question on how web users read, “They don’t” (p. 143).

As a result, the under-30 generation lags behind other nations in intellectual development. Almost a quarter of them need remedial reading and writing classes once they reach college, and even the National Association of Manufacturers complains that one of its major problems is finding workers with adequate reading comprehension skills (p. 63). Under-30 kids rank poorly in comparison to kids in other industrial countries in math (although they rank far ahead in how good they think they are!), indicating that we are setting this generation up for demoralizing failure-convincing them they are much better prepared for college and work than they really are (pp. 192-195).

Another major factor in the stunted intellectual development of the millennials is the “peer absorption” texting, instant messaging, and social networking foster (p. 133). Previous generations of kids were just as concerned about their peers, but once they got home from school, they were no longer immersed in the world of their peers, aside from talking on a landline. But the under-30s can remain in constant contact with peers by virtue of texting, cell phones, instant messaging, and the web. Thus a millennial can remain in a cocoon of teenage culture.

As a result, under-30 kids are deprived of a vital component of the transition from adolescence to adulthood – the vertical modeling of older, more mature mentors like parents, teachers, employers, ministers, and so on (pp. 136). This vertical modeling enables teens to see what the real world is like, and reinforces how trivial so many of the concerns of their own peer group is contrast to the authentic issues of life. Even worse, the digital technology allows teens to construct a “reflexive surrounding” of blogs, games, videos, music, messages that “mirror their woes and fantasies” rather than challenging them to move beyond the limited horizon of their friends to experience adult realities (pp. 137-138).

Bauerlein’s concerns are for the future of American democracy. How can we survive without a well-informed electorate that can reason and debate the great issues? But as I read this book I could not help but fear for the future of God’s people in our culture. After all, the Bible is a book–and if the millennials are uninterested in books and therefore becoming incapable of the deep and reflective focus needed to understand the Scriptures.

Here is what I often see. I see families who use DVD players to babysit their kids or to pacify them in trips in the van, completely missing out on the opportunity for cross-generational interaction. I remember road trips when I was a little boy (partly because I often got carsick!), but mainly because I remember how much fun it was to listen to Mom and Granny and Pop (and later, to argue with them about things like politics!). Once kids outgrow watching DVDs they have iPods and handheld video games to occupy them, and when they are older cellphones with unlimited texting. For some kids, even the short 20 minute drive to church is impossible to survive without being plugged into the lives of their peers at every moment.

So is it any wonder that we have a generation of kids that knows each other’s list of “25 unusual facts about me,” but does not know the most basic facts about Jesus. Kids who are lagging in spiritual maturity because it is rare for an older mentor to penetrate the bubble of peer consciousness and help them grow wiser than their years. And kids who are so used to creating a digital environment tailored to their likes and interests that they resist doing anything they don’t find fun or interesting.

The other day I was talking with one of my friends who is around 30, and I made the comment that the push for gay marriage is a clear example of the generation gap. My point was that people my age and older listen to the arguments for gay marriage, and our response is very simple – if no culture in human history (included the cultures that openly tolerated homosexuality) ever thought it was a good idea to define marriage as between a man and man or woman and woman, why should we suddenly redefine marriage now? But the problem is that a generation submerged in itself is “disassociated from tradition, with nobody telling them that sometimes they must mute the voices inside them and heed instead the voices of distant greatness” (p. 190).

This review probably makes me sound like an old fogey! But my thoughts – like this book – are prompted by nothing but love and concern for my friends under 30. This is not an issue of innate intelligence (in fact, the IQ scores of kids continue to rise). It is the frustration at seeing so much potential for good squandered. And so, I urge all of you who are above 30 to embrace the role of curmudgeon, to challenge, prod, provoke the kids you have contact with. If you are a parent, restrict their access to the digital wasteland. And to whatever extent you have influence, help them be ready for the day to come when it is time to “put away childish things.”