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The #1 Way to Avoid Road Rage and Other Irrational Expressions of Emotion

September 24, 2012 by Edwin Crozier Leave a Comment

“I can’t believe it you @#$&%$. I had right of way you *&%$@#*&. Where did you learn how to drive you stupid &%$#+$@?” And all this from the mouth of a Christian gesturing with his hand, as John Maxwell says, that the other driver is number 1. When called on the carpet for such a blatant violation of James 3:6-12, the brother or sister responds, “I can’t help myself. When someone pulls out in front of me, it just flies all over me. I have to do something.” That seems natural. It seems almost logical. We may even want to make an exception to God’s will about the tongue in this situation. But do we really have to do this kind of something? Or can we actually overcome road rage and other irrational expressions of emotion?

Yes, we can overcome. Keep reading to find out how.

Listen More than You Talk

January 28, 2010 by Edwin Crozier Leave a Comment

Anytime people gather together in any kind of organization, communication becomes of utmost importance. So many problems and struggles would be overcome if we could simply learn to communicate better.

James 1:19 provides three great guidelines for helpful communication. Granted, the text is primarily about our relationship with God. However, I think these three guidelines will help us all with any of our communications.

1. Be quick to hear.

God put the hearing first. Sadly, when I start communicating, I often put cotton in my ears. I quit listening. All I’m thinking about is what I’m going to say next. I’m not listening to figure out what the other person is really saying. Sadly, I too often have my mind made up about what the other person means or thinks ahead of time. Then I interpret everything he/she says in that way and make my responses accordingly.

I need to be quick to hear, quick to listen. Quick to gain understanding.

2. Be slow to speak

I need to take the cotton I usually have in my ears and put it in my mouth. I am often ready to jump in to every conversation without even thinking. The first thing that pops into my head will just jump out on the table. Once it is said, it is too late to pull it back in. Even when I figure out later that I had misunderstood what was really going on, I won’t be able to fix that. I need to quit thinking that my thoughts are the most important in the discussion.

I need to be slow to speak. Slow to voice my opinion. Slow to show my ignorance and lack of understanding. I need to wait to speak until I really know what is going on and have something worthwhile to say.

3. Be slow to anger

I think it is very interesting that this is part of the communication guidelines. How easily I become angered with others. But I have learned that my anger never does me any good. I can even call it righteous indignation and drum up a thousand reasons why I’m in the right and the others are in the wrong. However, not once has my anger ever solved any problems between me and other people. My anger has only ever made things worse. My anger has often made miscommunications all out wars. If I’m angry, I need to deal with it. But I need to deal with it properly. As Paul says in Ephesians 4:26-27, anger gives Satan a foothold. We need to deal with it quickly and properly or he’ll weasel his way into our lives and relationships and absolutely destroy them.

I need to be slow to anger. Slow to vent my wrath. I need to breathe deeply and maintain my calm so a cool head can prevail.

There are numerous times in the life of a church that violating these guidelines can produce all manner of problems, whether in interpersonal relationships, relationships with the elders, preaching, teaching, everything. Peace doesn’t happen accidentally in a congregation. Peace happens when we all learn to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

The #1 Reason Your Family Should Own a Dog

October 6, 2009 by Edwin Crozier 1 Comment

tessa-and-oscar — I'm not sure why Tessa looks so sad here.

I’ve always been opposed to dogs. It’s not that I don’t think they are cute and all when they’re young. I’ve just had numerous reasons for which owning one would be a bad idea. Here are a few:

1. They smell
2. They mess on the carpet
3. They smell
4. They have to be dealt with when you go on trips
5. Vet bills
6. The kids won’t take care of a dog no matter how much they promise to
7. The wife won’t take care of a dog no matter how much she promises to
8. I’ll be stuck taking care of the dog
9. They chew up things
10. Did I mention that they smell?

Anyway, a couple of months ago, we saw a red dachshund that looked just like the dog Marita grew up with. It was suddenly 4 against 1 and I caved. We now own a dog. Yes, I have become attached (another reason I didn’t want a dog). I am very thankful that my good friend, Matt Hicks, let me borrow his copy of Cesar Millan’s Mastering Leadership DVDs (yes, that is an affiliate link). I’ve watched the first one and learned the importance of walking the dog. It has been a tremendous help dealing with little Oscar.

However, the #1 reason your family should own a dog was impressed upon me last Saturday. I opened the fridge expecting to find the four root beers we had left from our vacation last week, one for each of the children and me for lunch. However, there was only one. Tessa had taken three of them while we weren’t paying attention. She had drunk two and given her friend one. Then I looked at the counter and noticed she had finished, without asking, the salt and vinegar Pringles (my favorite). AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!

I’ve been working on angry outbursts. Ephesians 4:31 says I need to put away wrath and clamoring. I have a problem with those and have been working on them. When I saw the one root beer and the empty Pringles can, my blood started to boil. Marita saw what was happening and stepped in with a great suggestion, “Edwin, why don’t you take the dog for a walk?”

“Good idea,” I said through gritted teeth. I walked the dog around the block. It took about 20 minutes (it’s a big block). In that time I was able to recognize that three root beers and some Pringles were not worth the emotional damage I was going to cause with an angry outburst. I developed a plan for talking to Tessa.

When I got home, I calmly explained that she did not have the right or entitlement to raid our fridge or pantry any time she wanted. We, her mom and I, often have plans for the items in there. Before she’s allowed to eat or drink something, she has to ask and make sure it is not disrupting any of our plans for the food and drinks. I also explained that the next time that happened there would be disciplinary measures taken since we had now talked about it and she understood what was being asked of her. She agreed. We’ll see if it happens again.

Of course, the point here is having a dog to walk is a great thing. First, because I’m getting more exercise with that dog than I’ve been getting for a long time. But second and most importantly, the number one reason to have a dog is to take it for walks when you are about to have an angry outburst. Walk, breathe deeply, think about the situation and resolve the problem. Then come back to your family and deal with the situation properly.