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Something Worth Doing

Something Worth Doing, Part 18: Be Someone Worth Knowing

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one. By the way, please check out the site for the Kelsey Wynne Harris Foundation and help promote the foundation by purchasing any of the Life’s More Interesting products. By the way, unlike the other links in this post, there is no affiliation link here. None of your purchases of these products grease my pockets.)

The final post is here. I appreciate your patience with me and I hope my tribute to Kelsey Harris has benefited you as much as it has benefited me. I’ve enjoyed thinking about these challenging resolutions. I’ve grown through writing about them. I hope you’ve grown through reading about them. I certainly believe Kelsey wrote something worth reading. I hope I’ve taken her message and added to them. I hope I’ve written something worth reading and I hope you feel you have read something worth sharing. Please tell others about this amazing little poem packed with all kinds of meaning. I believe it will be a help to others.

And now, on to the post:

Today, I want to Be Someone Worth Knowing

Today, I want to…

Write something worth reading
Read something worth sharing
Say something worth repeating
Give something worth getting
Choose something worth keeping
Sacrifice something worth giving up
Go somewhere worth seeing
Eat something worth tasting
Hug someone worth holding
Buy something worth treasuring
Cry tears worth shedding
Do something worth watching
Risk something worth protecting
Listen to something worth hearing
Teach something worth learning

Why do I want to do all these things? Because I want to be someone worth knowing.

I don’t want to be someone who is known. I want to be someone worth knowing. Granted, I may be known if knowing me is worthwhile. But my goal is not notoriety or fame. My goal is to be someone that when you know me, you think it is worthwhile. I want to be someone you are glad to know. I want to be someone you are glad to be around. I want to be someone who lifts up and fills up, not tears down and drains out. I want to be someone you see coming and you run up to meet, not someone you cross the street to avoid.

I don’t want to be the person, however, that is intent on letting you know I’m worth knowing. We all know that guy. He is forever trying to impress us with his knowledge, achievements, work. He can’t stop talking about what he did. He can’t help giving unsolicited advice or trying to correct something you didn’t even know was incorrect. I don’t want to be the guy who is personally convinced he is worth knowing. In fact, if I am worth knowing, I’ll probably always have a bit of that idea that I’m not quite worth knowing yet.

No, I don’t want to be the guy who wants to impress you with how worth knowing I am. I want to be the person who lets you know how worth knowing you are. I want to be the person who can see your unique gifts and talents and help you become all that you can be. I want to be the guy who can help you on your path to glorify God and be with Him forever. I want to be the guy who you want walking on the path with you so we can mutually help each other along and be happy we are doing it.

Becoming That Guy

But how? How do I get to be a person worth knowing? Do I think I can stumble along through life and suddenly one day I’ll be there? Do I think if I simply react to the ebbs and flows of life’s tides that I’ll become someone worth knowing by accident? It just won’t work that way. That’s where the other resolutions come in. When I read these other resolutions, I see four overarching principles at work that make me someone worth knowing.

1. To be someone worth knowing, I must be someone who is maintaining.

I know it sounds odd, but before I become someone that you may think is worth knowing, I have to be comfortable with me. I have to take care of me. No, I don’t mean this in a selfish way of getting mine first. I mean this in a way that says I can’t give what I don’t have. I can’t be for you what I’m not for myself. Until I learn how to receive, I’ll never know how to give.

Have you ever noticed in the maturity process God has us all start off as someone who has to be completely cared for by others, then takes us to a place where we learn to take care of ourselves? Only then does He take us into a stage of taking care of others.

If I want to be someone worth knowing, I have to start with making sure I’m comfortable with me and I’m maintaining me. That’s why I choose things worth keeping, buy things worth treasuring, and even cry tears worth shedding. These all have to do with taking care of me physically and emotionally and letting me be in a place of peace and strength so I can then be a strength for you as well.

2. To be someone worth knowing, I must be someone who is growing.

As I said, if I’m really worth knowing, I’ll probably always have the personal feeling that I’m not quite worth knowing yet. I still have growing to do. To be worth knowing, I shouldn’t work on you to convince you I’m worth knowing; I should work on me to grow to be worth knowing.

That’s why I continue to read things worth sharing, go places worth seeing, listen to things worth hearing. This is how I grow. I get outside myself and realize I don’t have it all down. I don’t have all wisdom and knowledge. I need to hear what God has to say. I need to hear what others have to say. I need to experience new places and new things. I need to be filled by those who have gone before me before I can fill anyone else.

I hate to be a broken record, but I can’t give what I don’t have. To give you more, I have to grow more.

3. To be someone worth knowing, I must be someone who is daring.

I think of the old Garth Brooks song, “The River.” The second verse says:

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
‘Til we put off ‘til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don’t you sit upon the shoreline
And say you’re satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide.

If I’m just satisfied with reacting to what is happening to me, I’ll never be worth knowing. I’ll be just another member of the teeming masses of mediocrity. I don’t want to be just another acquaintance you’ve made over the years. I want to be someone worth knowing. That means I’ll have to take some chances.

That’s why I risk things worth protecting. That’s why I strive to do things worth watching. Let’s face it, anytime I step up to do something and let others watch, I’m risking failure and rejection. That’s why I eat things worth tasting. Remember, that isn’t just about satiating hunger. That is about experiencing new things. That is about reaching out with an adventurous spirit to go beyond my comfort zone.

If I want to be someone worth knowing, I’m going to have to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide. Otherwise, I’ll only sit along the shoreline getting wet from the spray of others who are making a splash.

4. To be someone worth knowing, I must be someone who is caring.

There are some who don’t care. They just want fame and fortune. They walk on others to clamber their way to the top. If they do for others, they are really only doing for themselves. They are manipulating to get to their ends. However, if I really want to be someone worth knowing, I move from selfishness to selflessness. I have learned to maintain myself so well that I’m willing to give myself in the service of others without fear that I will be lost in the process.

Think of how many of these resolutions are really about others. I want to write things worth reading. I want to say things worth repeating. I want to give things worth getting. I want to hug someone worth holding. I want to cry tears worth shedding. I want to teach things worth learning. I want to sacrifice things worth giving up. None of those resolutions are really about me. They are about me giving to you. I can’t be someone worth knowing if I only think of me, if I’m only trying to line my pockets, further my fame, or popularize my name.

However, when I’m ready to give of myself to help you grow, then I’ll be someone you want to know.

 

Perhaps it is too much to ask to accomplish all these resolutions every day. However, as I work on each of them, I am growing to be someone worth knowing. That’s what I want to be today and every day.

Something Worth Doing, Part 17: Teach Something Worth Learning

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one. By the way, please check out the site for the Kelsey Wynne Harris Foundation and help promote the foundation by purchasing any of the Life’s More Interesting products. By the way, unlike the other links in this post, there is no affiliation link here. None of your purchases of these products grease my pockets.)

I feel like a broken record. With the last few posts in this series I’ve had to apologize for the huge gap between posts. The real truth is, these have been the hardest posts to write. There is so much in Kelsey’s poem for me that it takes a great deal of time. It’s not just a thought popping in my mind that I can expound briefly on in a few minutes. This takes real work. I hope they are helpful to you as thinking about them have been helpful to me. Here is the latest post.

Today, I want to Teach Something Worth Learning

What work could possibly be more noble than to pass on what we know, what we have experienced, what we have learned? What calling could be higher than to be the shoulders on which others can stand as they reach to even greater heights? Today, that is who I want to be. I want to be a teacher, but not just any teacher. I want to teach something worth learning. I may do this in a classroom, but I don’t have to be employed by the state or the local university to teach something worth learning. I can accomplish this whether I am a professor or preacher or parent or clerk or custodian or cabbie. I may work in a plant or work with plants. I may be an employer or the newest employee. I can still teach something worth learning.

 

What I Don’t Want to Teach

Teach something worth learning. I can’t read this without noticing what is not said.

I don’t want to teach something that will make me look good or make me popular.  I don’t want to teach something everybody likes. I don’t want to teach something that will make me lots of money.

I can simply strive to fit in with all the latest theories, pursue political correctness, tout the party lines. But what good is that? Will that push us further? Will that challenge us to be better? Will that inspire us to be great? No, that will only cause us to implode with our own sense of self-importance.

No doubt, there are multiple sides to this. Nothing I teach will make me popular or look good to everyone. No matter what I teach, someone will be unhappy with me. However, for some reason, each of us find our little group that we want to please. Because there are plenty who don’t like what we teach, we think we are just teaching what is worth learning. However, if we are not careful, even when we don’t accept the popular thinking of the world we become limited by the popular thinking of our niche market, we may go along just to get along with the people who have always liked us. We may find ourselves unwilling to question the traditions of our teachers or the positions of our peers. We may eventually stake out some ground we will protect at all costs. But who is helped by that? At that point, we have our ground covered but that ground has become just a rut. We’re not going anywhere.

I can become a hack. I can figure out what people want to hear, what people will pay to hear, what people will flock to hear and teach those things. But let’s face it; few things worth learning are ever popular at first. Usually, what is worth learning is challenging, life-changing, paradigm shifting. Those are all painful processes. Those who first hear them will rebel against them. If I take the easy way out and just teach what folks want to hear, who is helped? I have to stay the course and teach what is worth learning no matter how it is first received, no matter how it is ever received.

No doubt, if I teach well, no matter what I teach, I may become popular in some circles. I may look good for my ability.  Folks may be intrigued and pay money to hear what I teach. But that is not the goal and if I become enamored with those ends, I’ll stop teaching things worth learning. I don’t want to teach what makes me look good, popular, or rich. I want to teach something worth learning.

 

Not Just Teaching, Serving

Sadly, some will read this resolution and miss its true impact. This is not just about being a teacher. This resolution is profound because it is about being a servant. If I wanted to teach something that would make me look good or make me money, that would be about me. But when my goal is to pass on things worth learning, what I’m most concerned about is others.

I’ll never accomplish this goal if I’m selfish. When I’m selfish I pull everything I can to myself. I rape the world of its knowledge and manipulate it so I can get what I want. I may teach a lot of things with this selfish mindset, but I won’t teach things worth learning. Not really. I like what John Maxwell says about this, “We teach what we know; we reproduce what we are.” The fact is, with a selfish mindset I may say things that might be worth learning, but that’s not what people will learn. What they’ll get, no matter what I say, is what I am. What they’ll become is not what they hear, but what they see and experience in me.

Before I can teach things worth learning, I have to be a servant. I have to get rid of my self-centeredness. If for no other reason than teaching takes time. Teaching is time invested in others. And if I’m teaching things worth learning, I’ll be investing time in others to make them better, not to make them make me better. If my primary goal is about getting, I’ll never give what others really need to learn.

 

Start with Me

Teaching something worth learning is not about me. However, it has to start with me. Before I can teachsomething worth learning, I have to learn something worth teaching. Have you ever taken an airplane flight? Do you remember what the flight attendant told you? If the cabin depressurizes and the breathing masks fall, don’t put  someone else’s on first. Put your own mask on first and then help those around you. I can’t give what I don’t have. Further, if I don’t have and I try to give, there will be a reckoning. I can pretty up what someone else says and pass it on as if I’m a great teacher, but sooner or later it will shine through that I’m a fake.

Think of it like money. If my bank balance is on zero, I can write checks all day long. I can give and give and give, but when it comes time to cash those checks, I’m going to be in trouble. The same is true with teaching. If I haven’t taken the time to learn and I try to teach, there will be a reckoning and it won’t be pretty. It will hurt my students and they may come and hurt me.

Further, I must demonstrate that I know something worth learning. I don’t mean I need to get in a marketing campaign to let everyone know how wonderfully smart I am. However, if I want the opportunity to teach something worth learning, then others will have to see that I know something they want to learn. I can’t help but think of Jesus and His apostles in Luke 11:1. The disciples asked Him to teach them to pray. Why? Because they saw how He prayed and they wanted to learn. I don’t just get to teach because I was hired. I don’t just get to teach because I’m older than my kids. I really only get to teach when someone has seen that I know something they want to learn. Oh, I may say a lot of stuff. I may lecture and demonstrate, but I’m not really teaching unless others have determined that I have something they want to learn.

If I wanted to, I could buy a book on auto-mechanics. I could probably offer a great lecture, complete with compelling PowerPoint on fixing cars. However, if you really want to know how to fix cars, don’t come to me. Go to my friend, Dale. He’s actually spent some time working on cars. He’s actually fixed cars. I’ve only messed them up. If I really want to teach something, I need to spend time working on me first. I need to spend time learning something worth teaching.

 

What is Worth Learning?

I’m sure we all have different perspectives on what is worth learning. Not to mention, my perspective on what is worth learning has changed over the years. I fear providing a list of subjects because by this time next year, my list might have changed. Instead, I’ll provide four guidelines.

1. Is it true?

If what I’m saying isn’t true, then it simply isn’t worth learning. Why would I teach 2+2=5? It’s just not true. Now don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying everything I teach has to be factual. Teaching doesn’t have to be factual to be true. For instance, when Jesus taught His famous parables, none of them were factual. He wasn’t talking about a factual sower who sowed in four areas and received four different results. However, His message was true. I need to make sure what I’m teaching is true. I shouldn’t simply jump on the bandwagon with something just because I like it or it fits with what I’ve always thought. I need to test it. If I want to teach something worth learning, it needs to be true.

2. Is it helpful?

Some things might be true, but so what? What if someone was actually able to provide the true answer to the question of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? Who cares? I may learn the right answer to that question and shout it from the roof tops, but is it really worth learning? Was it really worth a learner’s time to listen to my calculations, proofs, and arguments? Or have I wasted their time? Stuff worth learning is worth living. If I really want to teach something worth learning, it needs to be something helpful.

3. Does it make people better?

I guess this is simply expanding the first point. However, I want to expand it. I know I have been too often caught up in the rat race. I went to school so I could learn things so I could get a job so I could make money so I could buy things. That seems to be the pretty standard practice in our culture. We learn so we can earn. But should that really be the goal of learning? Is money really what it’s all about? Do I really just go to school for a short period in life so I can get a career based on that learning? I think there is higher purpose. I need to learn so I can be a better person. I need to learn so I can be a more productive citizen. I need to learn so I can give more to my community and my fellow man. That doesn’t stop with a Bachelor’s degree and a steady job. That continues for life. Thus, if I’m actually going to teach something worth learning, it is not just about getting someone a job. It needs to be about making them a better person. I tend to believe when the world is filled with better people, the job market will take care of itself.

4. Does it inspire?

For far too many, teaching is about conveying facts. Can we fill someone else’s head with information that they can regurgitate later? Perhaps that is a form of teaching, but of what use is it. Life isn’t a standardized test. Things worth learning inspire learners to live them. If I want to teach something worth learning, it needs to be inspiring.

 

Conclusion

I want to be of service today. I want to get outside myself today. I want to help others today. Today, I want to teach something worth learning. I hope I’ve accomplished that goal with this post.

 

(Come back next week for our final post in this series: Be Someone Worth Knowing.)

Something Worth Doing, Part 16: Listen To Something Worth Hearing

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one. By the way, please check out the site for the Kelsey Wynne Harris Foundation and help promote the foundation by purchasing any of the Life’s More Interesting products. By the way, unlike the other links in this post, there is no affiliation link here. None of your purchases of these products grease my pockets.)

I don’t even want to go into all the emotional reasons I took a break from this series. However, for those who have been faithful to check back every Wednesday to find out more about “Something Worth Doing” my tribute to Kelsey Harris and her poem, thank you. To those who have been disappointed with their absence. I’m sorry. However, I’m excited to provide you with the next installment. Enjoy.

Today, I Want To…

Listen to Something Worth Hearing

The Sounds of Silence

The world is a cacophony of noise. Everywhere we go, we hear it. We can hardly think in restaurants with televisions blaring, background music bopping, and conversations echoing off the ceramic tile floors. Hop in the car and we usually elect to have the same experience there by turning on the radio. We carry our mp3 players with us so that when it gets too quiet, we can have some noise.

Noise, noise, everywhere but not a sound to listen to. Before you even worry about listening to something worth hearing, you need to get comfortable with silence. Of course, there is no complete silence. You just need to get used to time without artificial noise.

Walk outside, sit in your yard, close your eyes, and listen to God’s creation. Hear birds calling. Hear the distant dog barking. Hear the grass whisper. Hear the leaves cackle. Hear the wind whistle. Have you ever noticed that all that is going on? Let what God has made in this world amaze you. Meditate on your part in it. Notice the noises man is making. Hear the neighbor cutting his grass. Hear the cars travel down the road. Hear the far off plane fly overhead. Hear the neighborhood kids shout as they play ball. Hear a nearby mother call for her children. Have you ever let any of that human activity register? Let what goes on in life impact you. Think of your part in it.

Don’t stop this too quickly. Don’t get impatient thinking you need to get something done. Simply be amazed and sit in humility over your small part of this gigantic world and community. The sound of God’s world and God’s people is worth taking some time to listen to.

 

Recognize the Worthiness of Those Talking To You

Here is the first key to be able to listen to things worth hearing. SHUT UP! So many of us miss out on what is worth hearing because we won’t stop talking. We want everyone to believe we are worth listening to. Quit making every conversation about you. When your friends are telling you about their frustration, their success, their struggle, their victory, resist the urge to follow it up with, “I know just what you’re talking about, listen to what happened to me.” If you ask someone a question, close your mouth, open your ears and listen to their answer. You might just end up listening to something worth hearing.

This, of course, take a healthy dose of humility. You have to realize that you aren’t the only person in the world who says things worth hearing. This especially takes humility if the one speaking is saying something with which you disagree. You need to understand that worthiness is not based on whether or not it agrees with what you already think. We have to learn to turn off our quick judgment and listen to understand. There have been many cases in which I discovered that what I initially disagreed with was right, I just had to take some time to hear the person out.

In addition to having some personal humility, start granting to others that they are worthy to speak. What your spouse says is worth hearing. What your parents say is worthy hearing. What your kids say is worth hearing. What your co-workers say is worth hearing. What your neighbors say is worth hearing. What your friends say is worth hearing. What your fellow church members say is worth hearing. They aren’t all idiots. They are worthy. That doesn’t mean you have to always agree or accept what they say. It does mean you need to back up and recognize their worthiness to speak. You never know what you might learn and how you might improve when you recognize that you do not have all wisdom and knowledge; these people God has placed around you might just be of some help.

 

Place Yourself In Situations to Listen to Things Worth Hearing

Too many of us don’t listen to things worth hearing because we hang out in places and relationships where nothing worth hearing is said. Instead, we need to go to places and find people where worthy things are said.

If we watch movies, listen to music, hang out with people that promote immorality, pride, revenge, hate,and other sins, we are only going to listen to things that aren’t worth hearing. However, if we find wise counselors, moral friends, pure music and movies, we have a much better chance for reaching this goal today.

I can’t help but think about Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:11-12. “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.” Get these situations out of your lives. Turn off the crass comedians. Turn away from those who brag about their sin and wrongdoing. Instead, put yourself with people who say things worth hearing. As the Proverbialist says, wise counselors bring safety and victory (Proverbs 11:14; 24:6).

Let me highlight one specific you need to cut out in order to place yourself in the situation to listen to things worth hearing. Get rid of gossip and slander. If you pursue the juicy tidbit, the speck of dirt, the sordid secret, you aren’t going to listen to things worth hearing. Instead, your going to hear things no one should listen to. Don’t hang out with gossips. If your friends’ favorite words are, “Don’t tell anyone I said this,” you may need to find new friends. Spend time with people who keep their secrets and build others up to their faces and behind their backs. These are the kind of people who say things worth hearing.

Finally, find things worth listening to instead of just trying to be entertained all the time. I love to sing along to the radio as much as the next guy. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if most of your listening time is spent just being entertained, you are missing out on a lot of worthy stuff. If you have an mp3 player, start subscribing to podcasts that will help you be a better person. Sign up to hear sermons from preachers that want to help you spiritually. Purchase audio books to improve yourself. Listen to self-help podcasts. Find trade specific shows that will improve you in your work. Find family related podcasts that will help you at home. Sure, listen to your music sometime, but make sure to let that commute be beneficial, not just entertaining.

 

Above All Listen to Him Who Is Above All

Recognize that we are not alone in the world. There is a Higher Power who put you here. He does care for you. He wants to help you. Listen to what He has to say. No, I don’t think He will speak to you with an audible voice. However, I do think He will speak to you.

He speaks to you through His Word. His Spirit revealed it so we might know Him. He guides us in all that we need to know and do, equipping us for every good work. He has the wisdom that we do not.

I also think He speaks to you through His other children. Listen to the experience, strength, hope others have to offer. Heed the advice of fellow travelers on the spiritual journey, especially those farther down the road than you. God places these people in our lives for a reason.

Don’t turn your back on what God has to say to you. What He says is the most worthy word to hear.

 

We hear a lot of things every day. Today lets start filtering some of it. Close your mouth. Open your ears. Listen to understand. Respect others. Listen to something worth hearing.

(Come back next week as we learn about “Teaching Something Worth Learning.”)

Something Worth Doing, Part 15: Risk Something Worth Protecting

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one. By the way, please check out the site for the Kelsey Wynne Harris Foundation and help promote the foundation by purchasing any of the Life’s More Interesting products. By the way, unlike the other links in this post, there is no affiliation link here. None of your purchases of these products grease my pockets.)

Today, I Want to…

…Risk Something Worth Protecting

What? I want to risk something worth protecting? What is that about? Our first thought is if something is worth protecting, I don’t want to risk it at all. I want to lock it up, keep it covered, keep it away from grasping hands.

However, this statement makes me think of an illustration I recently read in N. T. Wright’s The Challenge of Jesus. While talking about a completely different subject, he spoke about his trip to the Louvre and his desire to see the Mona Lisa. Listen to what he said:

“In October of 1998 my wife and I went to Paris for a conference, and in a spare moment we visited the Louvre. It was the first time either of us had been there. A disappointment awaited us: the Mona Lisa, which every good tourist goes to goggle at, is not only as enigmatic ash she has always been but following a violent attack is now behind thick glass. All attempts to look into those famous eyes, to face the famous questions as to what they are meaning and whether this meaning is really there or is being imposed by the viewers, are befogged by glimpses of other eyes—one’s own, and dozens more besides—reflected back from the protective casing.”*

Is the Mona Lisa worth protecting? I’m sure most of us would say it is. But something has been lost by the protection. Better to risk the Mona Lisa and let the multitudes goggle and grow by the experience than protect it and hinder the public’s betterment. Perhaps we see here it is better to protect the experience and not just the painting.

I also think of the ancient proverbialist’s words in Proverbs 14:4. “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.” Solomon, if he was indeed the author of this proverb, understood that progress comes by risking things we want to protect. We prefer a clean manger. But when we keep our manger clean from the oxen, then our crops are not going to be very good. After all, letting oxen do the work will produce a much larger crop than doing it all myself. In this case, the farmer wanted to protect his manger. However, he needed to risk it by sheltering and feeding his oxen there to reap the even greater rewards.

Our Protection Often Limits Intimacy

The situation that really comes to mind as I wrestle with this resolution is the area of relationships. I need relationships. I want to protect those relationships. Apart from my relationship with God, my most important relationship is with my wife. That relationship needs protecting. I don’t want to risk that relationship at all.

Sadly, my protection often leads to codependence. It leads to me trying so hard to fix things in her because I fear what others will think that she becomes angry with me and a wedge is driven between us. What I’ve found is when I let her live her life and do her job her way and then provide support no matter what anyone else says, that is when we draw the closest. When she makes mistakes, she learns from them just like I learn from mine. When I let her risk instead of trying to preemptively protect her, we usually draw closer.

The codependence leads me to cover up things about myself I’m afraid will turn her away from me. Sadly, the secrets lead me to isolation and I push her away anyway. Granted, one day I may have to pass on a secret that will cause Marita to turn away from me. I hope not. But it may happen. However, up to now, letting myself be vulnerable with her has only ever drawn us closer. Revealing what is going on inside me or in my dark moments is a scary thing. I usually want to protect the relationship and keep those things hidden. But as our recovering friends warn us, we are only as sick as our deepest secrets. When we share those secrets we are risking the relationships, but the rewards when the relationships survive are phenomenal.

When I think about risking relationships I want to protect, I think about my children. I so want to protect them from all the evil that is out there. The top of the list is sexual evil. For the longest time, my approach to protecting them was to hide sex from them as much as possible and then scare the daylights out of them about the rest of it. However, I realized the hiding only produces curiosity and the fear only produces rebellion, at least, that is what it did for me. But if I don’t hide it from them, I’m risking their innocence and that, to me, is definitely worth protecting.

No, I’m not suggesting we invite our children to watch pornography or send them out on dates with contraceptive devices. But I am saying I have to learn that sometimes my protection actually puts what I’m afraid to risk at greater risk. I have to learn to risk those things that are worth protecting.

It is like our little baby’s health. Have you even thought about what we are doing when we immunize our children? We are actually introducing a disease into our baby’s body in order to protect them. We are placing them at risk in order to protect them. Sadly, in some cases the risk takes place and we spend the rest of our lives condemning ourselves for taking the risk. That is why you will always find websites condemning immunizations. However, there is no argument that immunizations have lowered, in fact, nearly eradicated some diseases in our kids. We need to learn that instead of isolating our children, we should inoculate them. Is it a risk? Absolutely. But in my experience isolation is an even bigger risk because we simply aren’t so good as to completely isolate our children from everything.

Growing through Risk

Another story that comes to my mind is Jesus’ story about the talents found in Matthew 25. A master gave five talents to one servant, two talents to another, and one talent to a third. By the way, the footnote in my Bible says a talent was a monetary sum worth about 20 years wages to the common laborer. Can you imagine being given 20 years of your salary in one lump sum? What would you do with it? The man who had been give 100 years of salary and the man who had been given 40 years of salary both risked their talents. They bought and sold and traded until they had generated twice what they started with. The third man hid his talent. Think about it. That seems wise to some of us. At least he didn’t fritter it away on eating out, depreciating gizmos, and self-seeking pursuits. He protected it. When the master returned, the man gave him back his talent. The master, however, was not happy. He didn’t give the man the talent so that when he returned he could get one talent back. If he had wanted that, he could have kept the talent with him. He gave the servant the talent to produce a profit. He called this servant wicked and slothful.

Ouch! That hurts. Sometimes, what we want to claim is preservation and protection is actually nothing more than fear. We fear rejection so we don’t risk our egos. Sadly, we then spend all our time feeling inadequate because we never accomplish anything. We fear betrayal so we don’t risk entering a relationship. Sadly, we miss out on the joys of strong friendships and love, living out our lives in loneliness and empty pursuits. We fear conflict so we don’t risk sharing our opinions and feelings. Sadly, we seethe in bitterness and resentment until the conflicts erupt in proportions too great to control.

Sometimes what we want to claim is preservation and protection is actually nothing more than laziness. The five and two talent men actually went to work with their talents. They had to buy and sell, that took research, time, planning, and skill. I’m sure investing then was like it is today. Nobody ever bats 1000. They had to make up when they lost what they risked. The one talent man didn’t have to work. He just hid the talent and could sit on his behind.

I hope you don’t think this is too crass, but I have to share a poem I first heard from John Maxwell.

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore. 

But then some strange prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?”
Those prints are large and round and neat,
“But Lord, they are too big for feet.”

“My child,” He said in somber tones,
“For miles I carried you along.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.” 

“You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.” 

“Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”

Let’s face it. Relationships take work. It is a lot easier to be disconnected. As Simon and Garfunkel sang, “A rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.” Why work on a relationship when it means risking so much pain? Accomplishment takes work. Too many of us want to sit on our rears and hope that God will drop some major accomplishment in our laps. It just won’t happen. Why risk looking the fool when you can shoot for nothing and no one will ever notice? Leadership takes work. It is a lot easier to be the low man on the totem pole. It isn’t your reputation on the line when you are just the rummy. Why shoot to lead others when it means risking so much if you fail?

Why risk? Because the relationships that can produce the greatest pain can also produce the greatest happiness. And as Garth Brooks sang, “I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.” Because only those who brave looking like a fool in front of the masses ever accomplish anything worthwhile. Consider the simple task of writing a poem or a book. If you only ever fear that others will not want to read your book, you’ll never have the satisfaction of getting one done. Because leadership means we can accomplish things through others we could never accomplish on our own. Nobody ever became President without risking his entire reputation. Perhaps we don’t look nearly as bad as any of our Presidents have ever been made to look by their enemies, but then we’ve never led the known world to anything of consequence. Why risk? Because whether we succeed or fail the growth and accomplishment we attain is really worth it and helps us press on to bigger and greater things.

I know you want to protect something. But God has given us our greatest blessings in order to risk them. Not so we could lose them. But rather, through the risking we may grow and are able to give back to our society and to Him great things.

Therefore, today, I want to risk something worth protecting because in reality, only when I risk do I grow and gain the true fulfillment out of God’s gifts.

(Come back next Wednesday to learn about Listening to Something Worth Hearing.)

     

 *Wright, N.T., The Challenge of Jesus, Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove, 1999, p 196.

Something Worth Doing, Part 14: Do Something Worth Watching

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.)

Today, I want to…

Do Something Worth Watching 

Do Something

Before you can do something worth watching, you have to do something. Far too many people are satisfied to watch something worth doing. Too many of us are satisfied to channel surf for hours on end looking for something “worth watching.” Or we hop on YouTube and search for videos all day. Nielsen reports that the average American watches 153 hours of television per month; that’s more than 5 hours per day. That’s almost one week per month or just over two and a half months per year of television. And that average doesn’t include the time spent watching Hulu, renting dvds, or going to the movies.

Of course, I’m sure you don’t watch five hours of television per day. But what if you just watch two? That’s 730 hours per year. I know this is going to sound amazing, but do you realize that is the equivalent of just over 30 days of television per year? At just two hours per day you are losing an entire month out of your year. Think about that for a moment. That means you are only living 11 out of every 12 years if you watch just two hours of television per day.

Consider this, watching one season of the average show means spending an entire day watching television (especially if you’re watching “24”). If you just keep up with a handful of shows, say seven, you’ve spent an entire week of your year watching television. What could you get done if you had an extra week?

If the average American is watching five hours of television per day, they’re going to have a hard time doing anything, let alone doing something worth watching. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying television is a sin. I’m not saying you can’t find out what happens next on your favorite show. There is a place for relaxation and if watching television is your place, that’s okay. Just remember that every hour spent watching others do things is an hour you aren’t doing anything.

We are examples

The goal to do something worth watching is a bit frightening. It says we want to be examples. We want to be people folks can look to. Unlike sports stars and actors who often complain that they don’t want to be seen as role models, we are saying we do. We want to do something and do it so well people will look to us as a pattern.

However, keep in mind that this is doing something worth watching, not doing something for the sake of being watched. There is a difference. We don’t want to be glory hounds, arrogantly pressing our “superb” work on everyone else as if they should recognize how amazing we are. At the same time, we do want to do the absolute best job we can do so that if and when others are watching, they will see an example, a role model.

Here’s the rub. No matter how humble or how arrogant we are, no matter how worthy or unworthy of watching we are, no matter how much we want them to or how much we don’t, someone is watching us. Someone is looking to us. Someone is learning from us. Are we giving them something worth watching?

If you have to keep it secret, don’t do it

While we will certainly note that there is a very special sense of doing something worth watching, there is also a general sense in which everything we do should be worth watching. Obviously, I’m speaking a bit accommodatively here. Clearly there are some private matters that are perfectly normal and healthy that we don’t want others watching. However, apart from that sort of activity, we should strive to let everything we do be worth watching.

If there is something you are doing that you are keeping secret or don’t want others to know, you should likely stop (no I’m not talking about planning that secret, surprise birthday party for me). Certainly you should stop if what you are doing is morally wrong. But I encourage you to stop the secret things even if they aren’t morally wrong. Let me use my own television watching as an example. Not all that long ago I got sucked into watching a television series online. Sadly, I wasted two and a half days of my life finding out what happened to all those characters (and you wonder why I miss getting posts put up on some days). Even though I don’t think watching the show was morally wrong, I remember my wife came home one night and I immediately scrambled to shut the Netflix down and open Entourage to look like I had just sat down to check my e-mail. Ooops. Not good.

Here is what I’ve learned. Sometimes I justify actions by saying, “It’s not morally wrong.” But there is clearly part of me that says, “I shouldn’t be doing this.” When that is happening, I have inner turmoil. As my friends in recovery say, “We are only as sick as our secrets.” If I’m doing something that I’m keeping secret because of inner guilt, it is only going to cause a downward spiral for me that eventually does lead to doing things that are wrong. It may come out as rage at my family, arrogance to cover for my feelings of weakness, lies to keep from being found out, or worse. I’ve learned it almost never stops with just that one secret.

I don’t know where your secret things will lead you. I simply know those secrets aren’t helping you. Do things worth watching. If you need to cover it up or develop elaborate statements to “technically tell the truth” so no one will know what you are really doing, then you should probably stop whatever it is. Don’t do things you are afraid other might see; do things worth watching.

Find one thing you love to do, and do it so well people want to watch

While there is that general sense of doing all things worth watching, there is also a sense in which we should work on our one thing worth watching. This is about our life’s passion, our career, our bread and butter. Too many of us are willing to settle for letting life happen to us. We go to school, graduate, get a job, and then settle in for the long haul. We may do well or just enough to get by, but we don’t ever do anything that stands out. We wonder why we are always chasing our tails and never really getting anything worthwhile done.

Instead of letting life happen to you, take charge. What are you passionate about? What gets your motivation running? What would you do if money weren’t an issue? Work on that. Sure, it may not pay the bills right now, but you’ve got two hours of television per day you can trade for it. Become an expert at it. Become the best and then learn how to get others to watch you do it.

I love what I’ve heard John Maxwell say over and over again about this. Find something you enjoy doing so much you’d gladly do it for free. Then learn to do it so well that others will gladly pay you to do it. Granted, this may not be something people watch in the sense of entertainment, but it will definitely be something people will regard with respect and appreciation.

For you, this might be anything from juggling, to landscaping, to quilting, to coaching. Don’t chase the money. Chase what you love, then get so good at it that you become worth watching. When you are that good, the money will start to come to you.

Today, I don’t want to settle for letting life happen to me. I don’t want to be pushed by every current and eddy of the world. I want to stand tall and be an example. I want to cut out my secrets. I want to do something worth watching.

What do you want to do?

(Come back next week to talk about Risking Something Worth Protecting.)

Here is a great example of someone who has worked hard at something so that now he is worth watching.

Of course, be careful, you will be spending 10 minutes watching someone else instead of doing something yourself. But maybe you’ll be inspired.

 


Something Worth Doing, Part 13: Cry Tears Worth Shedding

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.)

Today, I want to…

Cry Tears Worth Shedding

I was 13 when I first learned crying was the wrong thing to do. I had gone fishing with some friends. As we climbed a hill so steep it was more like crawling than walking, one of my friends above me kicked loose a rock (at the time it appeared to be a boulder to me). The rock scraped across my hand removing the left side of my left-hand middle finger. It removed a strip of skin about a quarter inch wide and two inches long. It hurt like nobody’s business. It bled like crazy; I remember thinking I was going to bleed to death. And I cried and cried and cried. However, what I remember most was the younger girl, whose name I don’t even remember who also was hit by the rock, although the rock merely rolled across her hand leaving no damage whatsoever.  She hardly cried at all. On the ride to the emergency room, I couldn’t quit crying. I remember her making fun of me because I cried and expressing how much better than me she was because she wasn’t crying. I hardly cried at all for more than 20 years following that day.

In our culture, we teach that crying means someone is spoiled, immature, weak, manipulative, insignificant. Women are afraid to cry in front of men because they fear they will be seen as weak. Men are afraid to cry in front of anyone because they are afraid they will be seen as failures. We are told to keep a stiff upper lip. We are told we need to be brave. We are told we need to be strong. Even when people are understanding of our tears they still do their best to get us to stop, letting us know it will be okay and there’s really no need to cry. When children cry we threaten, bribe, cajole, and distract them so they will stop.

With that in mind, I don’t feel shame or guilt that I stopped crying for so long. I know it was simply how I was trained. But over the past two years, I have worked at crying. I encourage you to do the same. Our culture is wrong when it tells us not to cry. Our culture is wrong when it tells us to discourage others from crying.

Sadly, even Christians have bought in to the “no cry” policy. Too often we act like the only emotionChristians should have is joy and happiness. We are afraid we aren’t being spiritual enough or trusting God enough if we cry. But Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to weep. Jesus wept (John 11:35). The apostle Paul cried more than any of them (Acts 20:19, 31; II Corinthians 2:4; Philippians 3:18). Tears are part of a healthy life. Tears are part of a spiritual life.

Like the hugging we learned about a few weeks ago, crying is actually good for us physiologically. Scientists have learned that emotional tears carry toxins out of our body that are increased due to stress, emotion, and pain. When we repress our crying, we aren’t showing strength, we are actually weakening our bodies. Some theorize that is why women in general live longer than men, they cry more readily getting rid of those toxins.

Why is it that hugging and crying, two extremely positive things are stigmatized by our culture? Why do men in particular want to hang on to failed stereotypes to express a terrible view of manhood?

Perhaps the Bible passage that has helped me the most is Romans 12:15. Paul wrote, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” He didn’t say distract those who weep. He didn’t say threaten those who weep. He didn’t say laugh at those who weep. He didn’t say stigmatize those who weep. He didn’t say ostracize those who weep. He didn’t say mock those who weep. He didn’t say stop those who weep. He didn’t say entertain those who weep. He didn’t even say comfort those who weep. He said weep with those who weep.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the shedding of tears. In fact, instead of trying to stop someone else, we should let their tears prompt our own. We need to empathize and feel the pain and sadness so that we too may release our own emotions. Their tears are worth shedding and worth shedding some of our own with them.

So which tears are worth shedding? Every single one of them. This resolution does not tell us to limit our tears to only those worthwhile. It encourages us to cry tears because they are necessary; they are worth shedding. Granted, you may, like Joseph in Genesis 43:30, need to get in a more appropriate location. You may not want to cry in front of your boss just because he shot down your proposal. But if it makes you sad, go somewhere and cry. It’s okay. You’re not a wimp or a loser; you’re living longer. If you’re children are crying because they broke a toy, don’t try to get them to stop by promising them a new one. Let them be sad for the loss of their old one. If one of your friends starts crying for some unknown reason, don’t push them away. Draw them close and let them know its okay.

If you need to cry, shed the tears. They are worth shedding.

(Come back next Wednesday. We’re going to talk about Doing Something Worth Watching.)