God's Way Works

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The Top 5 Things to Say to Your Kids When You Get Home

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They have been patiently waiting for you to come home. They can’t wait to see you. You are their Dad, their leader. They want to be like you. They want you to love them. Those first few moments through the door will mean so much. So, here are my top 5 things you can say to them when you walk through the door. Try some tonight and let us know how it works.

#1. I love you.

Does this actually need explanation? We walk through the door, tired, exhausted and we forget that our kids need this affirmation all the time. Run up to them like they are the greatest person in the world, give them a hug and say, “I love you.”

#2. I missed you today, I’m so glad to see you.

Your kids are desperately glad to see you. Let them know the feeling is mutual. Let them know they are important to you. When my kids were 2, they would all come running up to me as I walked through the door like I was the most important person in the world to them. I want them to feel that same way every time I walk through the door.

#3. What happened in your world today?

Don’t be so caught up in your own world that you forget about your kids. Ask them about their day. Then listen without judgment. Get down on their level. Sit down with them on the couch. If they are still small enough, let them sit in your lap. Look them in the eye and then listen intently. Rejoice about whatever they are rejoicing. Weep about whatever they are weeping.

#4. What can we do together tonight?

Spend some time with them. Let them know you want to spend time with them. Spend some time doing what they want. Do they want to throw the football, do it. Do they want to have a play teatime, do it. Do they want to put together a puzzle, do it. I know you may not be able to do this every night. But do it some time. Do it regularly.

#5. Do you know why I love you?

This is one of my favorite things to ask my kids. Certainly, you might answer this with reasons of your own. “I love you because you’re cute.” “…you are funny.” “…you are fun.” But, I don’t like these answers because it suggests if they ever think they aren’t cute, funny, fun or whatever that you won’t love them anymore. Instead, I tell my kids, “I love you because you’re you.” I tell my kids, “I love you because you’re Trina.” “I love you because you’re Ryan.” “I love you because you’re Ethan.” “I love you because you’re Tessa.” As long as they are who they are, I’ll love them. One of the most precious moments in my life was when two-year-old Trina said, “You know why I love you?” “Why?” “I love you cuz you Daddy.” Can’t beat that.

I know you’re tired when you get home. I know you want to slink off into your man cave. I know you want to slip away into a world of televised escape. But first, say something to your kids. Let them know how important they are to you. By the way, don’t forget you are also coming home to your wife. Click here for some things you can say to her.

Maybe I missed something you’ve found that is great to say to your kids when you get home. What do you say to your kids when you get home? You can add your input by clicking here.

5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants

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Facing Your Giants

Are you facing any giants right now? What temptations are beating you right and left? Do you sometimes feel like you will never win those battles? You’ve probably been told over and over again to just try harder. And so you have. But trying harder hasn’t worked. Instead of trying harder, let me encourage you to try something different. Try relying on God’s strength. Let Him fight your battle. Remember when David fought Goliath? Who really killed that giant? Not David. In the same way, you won’t be the one to kill your giants. Only God can and will.

That all sounds well and good. But how? How do we actually rely on God’s strength? Last week, we mentioned 5 ways to practically rely on God’s strength when facing your giants. We thought about David who relied on God’s strength to face Goliath but noticed that from our outside vantage point it looked quite a bit like he picked out the stones, he slung the stone, he wielded the sword. From our perspective it looked like he was doing it all. However, we know he was relying on God. So we talked about the practical things we need to do to rely on God. We talked about the 5 stones we need to pick up, if you will. Today, I’d like to give you 5 more ways to practically rely on God’s strength.

First, let’s remember the 5 we learned last week.

  1. Give up.
  2. Walk in God’s presence.
  3. Give thanks.
  4. Make conscious contact through God’s word.
  5. Pack the right bags.

Now, let’s learn 5 more.

Way #6: Cut It Off

On April 26, 2003, Aron Ralston was trapped between a rock and a hard place. Hiking and rock climbing along in Eastern Utah, his right hand was crushed between a shifting boulder and the rock wall. Over a period of five days he made various attempts to free himself. Nothing worked. When he ran out of his water supply, he was certain of death. Since no one knew where he was and they would not find him any time soon, he tried one final desperate plan. He broke both bones in his forearm. Then, using what was left of his dulled cutting tool, he amputated his right arm. He repelled into the canyon and hiked out to meet searchers. Nobody wants to lose an arm. But when the choice is lose and arm or lose a life, the arm is not so bad.

You might think Jesus had this story in mind when you read what He said in Matthew 5:29-30. If your hand is causing you to stumble, cut it off. If your eye is causing you to stumble, pluck it out. No one wants to lose a hand or an eye, but when the choice is lose a hand or eye or lose your soul, the choice is clear. If we want to change the games we play by relying on God’s strength, we have to change our playgrounds, playmates, and playthings. If we keep going to the places, hanging out with the people, and interacting with the things that have always led us to sin, then we are relying on our own strength. We think we can follow the same path we’ve always followed but somehow we will be strong enough to play a different game. Not so. Relying on God’s strength means cutting off what leads us to sin.

Way #7: Find a Fellow Traveler

While I am in awe of Aron Ralston’s courage and willingness to cut off what was going to kill him, I recognize there was a deeper problem. Ralston went mountain climbing alone. Had someone been with him or at least known where he was going, he might not have had to cut off his arm. Relying on God’s strength means relying on God’s people. Find a fellow traveler. Find someone to walk with, talk with, share with, confess with. Find someone who knows where you are.

I can’t help but think of one of my best friends of all time who was a source of spiritual strength for me. When I say one of my best friends, I mean I told him everything. I didn’t just talk to him about the weather. I talked to him about my struggles. What I never recognized though was that he never shared in kind. I, of course, interpreted that as his strength. He didn’t have problems like mine. His life was smooth sailing. Then one night his nephew-in-law called me to say my friend had been committing adultery and was leaving his wife. You couldn’t have shocked me more if you had walked out of my blind spot and hit me in the gut with a baseball bat. Despite repeated attempts to make contact with my friend, he has rebuffed me in every way. I pray for him. I cry for him. But he is still walking in his sins. What is amazing is that I know this friend is not where he wants to be. I know he knew what was good for him and what would really work. How could this happen to him? He went mountain climbing alone and now he is being crushed by the boulder.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 explains that two is better than one. Find a fellow traveler.

Way #8: Bring the Inside Out

When you find your fellow traveler, learn to talk about more than the weather and the Super Bowl. Learn to bring what is on the inside out. Learn to share the secrets of your heart. The darkness in there will only dissipate to the degree you shed light on it. James 5:16 says we need to confess our sins to one another. We need to find people we are willing to share these dark secrets with. Otherwise they will simply grow and take over. When temptation hits, find someone to share what you are thinking, what you are feeling, what you are considering. You will be amazed at how this helps defuse the temptation and its power over you.

Way #9: Acts of Service and Love

The reason we want to overcome these giants is to be more like Jesus, right? It stands to reason then that relying on God’s strength means following the example set by Jesus, God in the flesh. Jesus was a servant (Matthew 20:28). If we want to be like Him, we need to work on serving. Most sin is the product of selfishness. If we purposefully get outside of ourselves to serve others, we are letting God attack our selfishness head on. The moment you start serving others, you are doing the exact opposite of sin.

Make a meal for someone who is sick. Visit someone in the hospital. Call a friend to simply offer encouragement. Help out at a homeless shelter. Volunteer for a non-profit organization. Set up the chairs for the next class in your congregation. Invite someone into your home for a game night. Do something for someone else, especially if it is someone who cannot repay you.

Way #10: Do the Next Right Thing

Matthew 6:33 says we should seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness. Relying on God’s strength means simply doing what He tells us to. Listen to His advice. Seek His way. Do what He says. Right now, my responsibility is only to do the next right thing. I don’t have to worry about where it is going to lead. I don’t have to get bogged down with what I’m going to accomplish through it. I simply need to trust God to make everything work out in the end. I just need to do the next right thing. I don’t have to worry about doing 10 years of right things. I don’t have to even worry about doing a week’s worth of right things. I only need to do the next right thing. I don’t have to fret about what will happen tomorrow. I just need to do the next right thing.

Don’t misunderstand. When you rely on God’s strength in these 10 ways, temptation won’t disappear. Goliath will still be stepping on to the battlefield asking for a man (or woman) to fight. But by doing these things, you will be stepping onto the battlefield in the name and strength of the Lord. He will win the victories.

Keep up the faith. Rely on God’s strength.

What do you do to rely on God’s strength in the face of your giants? To add your input, click here.

If you’d like to hear the sermon I preached based on this, click here.

The 5 Best Things to Say to Your Wife When You Get Home Tonight

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Hey guys, if you’re like me, you walk through the door after a hard day online…I mean at work, and you just don’t know what to say to your wife. Let me give you the top 5 things you should say to your wife when you get home tonight.

#1: I’m sorry.

Sorry for what? It doesn’t matter. You’ve done something. You know you have. She believes you have. Just apologize for it now. Start working on the reconciliation. Further, if you want to make her day, this doesn’t have to be an apology, it could simply be a statement of fact.

#2: Can I help?

It doesn’t matter with what. Just be of some use. I know you’ve been at work all day, slaving, trying to make a buck. But you’re little lady hasn’t been at home sitting on the sofa watching soaps and eating bon-bons. She’s been cleaning your house, fixing your meals, laundering your clothes, raising your kids. Don’t wait for her to ask. You start off with it.

#3: How was your day?

I know you’ve been talking to people all day long. You want some peace and quiet. You want to veg out for a while and just get away from it all. But your wife needs some adult conversation. She’s been listening to bickering, whining, complaining, crying, pouting, excuse-making, and on rare occasions loving conversations between the children. She needs to unwind. She needs to let it get out. Give her the freedom to let it out, to vent, to purge.

By the way, don’t just say this. Actually sit down and listen to her. Don’t complain about any of it. Don’t get defensive about it. Don’t check your e-mail on your phone. Don’t sigh. Just listen and provide validation.

#4: It is so good to see you, I missed you today.

Let her know you were thinking about her. You weren’t trying to be away from her all day. That was a necessary evil. Let her know you’re glad to be around her. Don’t say that and then walk off to watch TV. Stay in the room with her and spend some time with her like you really did miss her.

#5: Can I do something tonight with just me and the kids while you go do something without us?

I know some wives and mothers say they don’t ever want you to say this. Sadly, understand they are probably lying to you about other things as well.

Let her pursue that online course she’s been wanting to take. Let her have her trip to the bookstore or a few moments at the local coffee shop. Make sure this isn’t just a way for her to go do the grocery shopping. She should get that opportunity for free anyway. Let her have a night out with friends.

What? No “I love you.” Well, of course you need to say that. The problem is for some of us that is all we know how to say and if we don’t say some of these other things from time to time, “I love you” starts to ring hollow.

Hey wives, are there any other things you’d like us to say when we get home? Let us know by clicking here.

5 Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants

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Facing Your Giants

I have a question for you. Who killed Goliath? (If you don’t know the story of Goliath click here: 1 Samuel 17:1-54.)

David walked on the battlefield. David chose the stone. David swung the sling. David aimed the sling. David slung the stone. David wielded the sword. But who killed Goliath? According to David, God did (cf. 1 Samuel 17:46-47). What a great lesson we gain from this. King Saul wanted David to rely on his armor. That is, he wanted David to rely on the strength of a man. But Saul, though he was head and shoulders above all the Jews, must have known how useless that was. After all, he hadn’t stepped out to face Goliath. David refused to rely on his own strength or his own armor. Instead, he relied on God’s strength.

If we want to face the giants in our lives, we have to learn to rely on God’s strength. But what does that look like? Notice that for David, relying on God’s strength didn’t look like sitting at the edge of the battlefield with legs folded in on themselves, eyes closed, and arms upraised with the thumbs touching the middle-fingers, just waiting on God to send fire from heaven. It meant that David chose a stone, slung a stone, and chopped off a head. To the casual observer it may not have looked like God doing anything. But David did all these things because he was actually relying on God’s strength.

With that in mind, here are 10 practical ways for you to rely on God’s strength every day as you face your giants. These are the ways for you to choose your stones, sling your rocks, and chop of your giant’s head by relying on God.

Way #1: Give Up

I know this sounds odd. But the first practical thing you have to do if you want to beat the giants is give up…surrender. But not to the giants, to God. Today and next Monday, I am going to share 9 other practical ways to rely on God’s strength, but if we don’t get this first point about our attitude and motive right, the others won’t help us. According to 2 Corinthians 12:10, we are only strong when we are weak. Only when we recognize we can’t win will we truly give ourselves over to God and let Him win the victories through us.

If you are like me, you may have tried numerous things to make yourself stronger. “Maybe if I read my Bible more, I’ll be strong enough. Maybe if I pray more, I’ll be strong enough. Maybe if I ‘go to church more,’ I’ll be strong enough.” Do you notice who I’m still focused on there? I’m focused on me being strong enough. I’m still relying on my strength. I’m essentially choosing to put on Saul’s armor and hoping that will help me defeat the giants. I need to recognize I’m not strong enough and, therefore, give up fighting. Instead of doing things to make me strong enough. I need to do things that will connect me to God because He is strong enough.

Way #2: Walk in God’s Presence

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says we should “pray without ceasing.” But I don’t want to simply call this tool, “Prayer.” Maybe we can call it “Prayer 2.0.” We need to take prayer to the next level. Instead of praying because it is the daily Christian homework assignment, pray because you are convinced God is right there with you listening. Envision Him as a you would a friend sitting across the table from you or walking beside you. Talk to Him because He is there.

Start your day talking to Him in prayer. Could you imagine waking up next to your spouse, walking around the house with her/him, eating breakfast, getting ready, and never saying a word? I can imagine that. Sadly, it has happened at my house. When? When things were bad. When someone is in our presence and we aren’t talking to them, it means something is wrong with that relationship. So get up and tell God, “Good morning. Please stay with me today.” Tell Him anything else that is on your mind. When you go to bed at night, tell Him, “Good night. Thanks for being with me today.” Tell Him anything you need to unload before going to sleep.

Talk with Him while you go through your day. Share what you are about to do. Ask Him to help with the decisions you are about to make. Follow-up with thanks for blessings that occur. If you fall, talk to Him about why it happened. This helps because it’s hard to gossip about your co-worker if you begin by asking God if He thinks it’s okay. It’s hard to look down a woman’s flapping shirt if you first run it by God to see what He thinks about it.

Way #3: Give Thanks

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says we should give thanks in every circumstance. No doubt, this is part of walking in God’s presence, but it is so important that I want to give it its own special recognition.

Let’s face it. Bad things happen to us all the time. We live in a fallen world. People sin. Because of sin, bad things are going on and we suffer for it. When bad things happen and even good things don’t go my way, I begin to get a little bitter. How about you? I begin to get resentful. I resent my wife, my kids, my friends, my co-workers, my neighbors, my brethren. Worst of all, I begin to resent God. I start to think maybe He is picking on me. Why won’t He let things go my way? This bitterness and resentment leads me to turn away from God and start relying on me. After all, if I don’t take care of me, who will? But this always leads me into sin. When I’m taking care of me, I always get trampled by the giants.

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever received is about writing a gratitude list. Start your day with one. End your day with one. Maybe even in the middle of the day remind yourself with one. You can obviously just pray your list. But on tough days I urge you to write your list down. Something about writing it makes it real.

What are you thankful for today? Breathing, walking, eating, clothing, cars, home, friends, wife, kids, job, church, ability to read, ability to speak, ability to move, opportunity to read “God’s Way Works”… This list can go on and on. As I unload all the blessings I have received, I begin to realize God isn’t picking on me. I really don’t have it that bad. Actually, lots of things are going my way. Maybe I don’t need to turn to my sins after all. Maybe I can ignore them for another day.

Way #4: Conscious Contact with God through His Word

In Acts 20:32, Paul commended the Ephesian elders to God and the word of His grace. Why? Because it would sanctify them and prepare them for the inheritance God wanted to pass on to them. Like prayer, this was not a daily homework assignment to trudge through and prove they were good enough. It was a source of life. If only God can beat the giants, then connect to Him in His word.

Don’t read the Bible like a newspaper, just trying to get through the day’s news. Listen to God’s word for the help it is offering. Find passages that help you in certain situations and return to them again and again as needed. I return to Psalm 119:145-152 over and over again to remind me that I don’t observe God’s testimonies so He will save me, but I need Him to save me so I will observe His testimonies. I go to Psalm 141:1-5 repeatedly in the face of temptation to remind me to ask for God to take over, setting a guard over me and providing me with others who will provoke me to righteousness. I go to Isaiah 40:28-31 to remind me that God is with me and will get me through whatever I’m facing. I go to Psalm 18:1-3 to remind me how great God is. God’s word really does give life when we use it as a life-giving connection to God instead of a dead homework assignment.

Way #5: Pack the Right Bags

Romans 13:14 says, “…make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Providing for the flesh is not the same as pursuing the flesh. “Making provision” is a picture of getting ready for a trip. When you are going on a trip you to have to make your provisions. That is, you have to pack your bags, plan your lodging, prepare your food, get your money together. You can’t possibly take your trip to Disney World if you haven’t made provisions for that trip. But making the provisions is not exactly the same as the trip itself. So, quit asking yourself if what you are about to do is actually a fleshly, sinful trip. Maybe it isn’t. But maybe it is packing your bags for one. Don’t do that either.

Sometimes the giants beat us because we rely on our own strength. That is, we pack our bags and make provisions to travel in the flesh. We think we can do that for a while but keep from actually taking the trip. The fact is if we pack our bags to travel into the flesh, we are going to submit to the flesh. We just aren’t that strong. Relying on God’s strength means packing our bags to travel with the Spirit. We make preparations to walk in the Spirit and by the Spirit.

Consider an example. Going to a buffet is not the same as committing gluttony (I choose this as an example because I still haven’t met anyone who ever commits, or should I say confesses to, gluttony). Is it a sin to eat at a buffet? No. Can some people eat at a buffet and not commit gluttony? Absolutely. But what if your giant was gluttony. What if it was whooping your backside every time you came onto the battlefield? Then eating at your local Chinese buffet is going to be packing your bags to walk in the flesh. Don’t spend all your time defending how eating there isn’t a sin. That’s not the issue. If you keep walking into a place where gluttony beats you every time, you are packing your bags to get beat by the giants. Rely on God’s strength instead by packing your bags to walk with Him.

Alright, this has gotten long enough as it is. Thanks for sticking with me this far. Come back next Monday and I’ll provide 5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants.

How Does a Real Man Act? More Input From You Please

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I’m really caught up in figuring out how to plan my boys’ training for the next few years. Having been inspired by Robert Lewis’s Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood, I want to raise my boys up to be knights, in the ideal sense of the word.

Last week, you helped me give some consideration to a Vision of Manhood. What does a real man look like. Thanks for helping out with that. He looks like a servant who is devoted first to God, loves his wife, is committed, honest, sacrificial. You gave me some great help and provided the web world with some great info.

I need some more help. Lewis went on to get a little more specific. The Vision of Manhood is about over-arching concepts of manhood. He then provided a Code of Conduct that he and his buddies developed to pass on to their boys. He listed 10 things, but I don’t want to muddy your thinking with all 10. But I’ll give an example. One aspect of his code of conduct was “Kindness.” A real conducts himself in kindness.

So, within the vision of manhood that we are developing, what are some aspects of everyday conduct that you would teach a boy to help him become a man.

How does a real man conduct himself?

You can provide your input by clicking here. And again, thanks for your help.

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This page does contain affiliate links. Here’s another one. If you’d like to learn more about Lewis’s vision of manhood for his boys, make sure you check out his book. Click the link below.

5 Kinds of Prayer: The Skit Guys

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What kind of praying do you think is best? You can tell us your thoughts by clicking here.

PS: I share this video because I love the overall point about the nature of our praying. I do need to point out that, doctrinally speaking, I do not agree with The Skit Guys interpretation of “Thy kingdom come” in the model prayer. I do not believe it refers to something Jesus will do at His return. I believe it refers to establishing His rule throughout our lives on earth even now. His kingdom was established on the day of Pentecost in Acts 2 and has continued to be spread through the earth ever since (cf. Mark 9:1; Colossians 2:13; Revelation 1:6).