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Overcoming Sin

5 Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants

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Facing Your Giants

I have a question for you. Who killed Goliath? (If you don’t know the story of Goliath click here: 1 Samuel 17:1-54.)

David walked on the battlefield. David chose the stone. David swung the sling. David aimed the sling. David slung the stone. David wielded the sword. But who killed Goliath? According to David, God did (cf. 1 Samuel 17:46-47). What a great lesson we gain from this. King Saul wanted David to rely on his armor. That is, he wanted David to rely on the strength of a man. But Saul, though he was head and shoulders above all the Jews, must have known how useless that was. After all, he hadn’t stepped out to face Goliath. David refused to rely on his own strength or his own armor. Instead, he relied on God’s strength.

If we want to face the giants in our lives, we have to learn to rely on God’s strength. But what does that look like? Notice that for David, relying on God’s strength didn’t look like sitting at the edge of the battlefield with legs folded in on themselves, eyes closed, and arms upraised with the thumbs touching the middle-fingers, just waiting on God to send fire from heaven. It meant that David chose a stone, slung a stone, and chopped off a head. To the casual observer it may not have looked like God doing anything. But David did all these things because he was actually relying on God’s strength.

With that in mind, here are 10 practical ways for you to rely on God’s strength every day as you face your giants. These are the ways for you to choose your stones, sling your rocks, and chop of your giant’s head by relying on God.

Way #1: Give Up

I know this sounds odd. But the first practical thing you have to do if you want to beat the giants is give up…surrender. But not to the giants, to God. Today and next Monday, I am going to share 9 other practical ways to rely on God’s strength, but if we don’t get this first point about our attitude and motive right, the others won’t help us. According to 2 Corinthians 12:10, we are only strong when we are weak. Only when we recognize we can’t win will we truly give ourselves over to God and let Him win the victories through us.

If you are like me, you may have tried numerous things to make yourself stronger. “Maybe if I read my Bible more, I’ll be strong enough. Maybe if I pray more, I’ll be strong enough. Maybe if I ‘go to church more,’ I’ll be strong enough.” Do you notice who I’m still focused on there? I’m focused on me being strong enough. I’m still relying on my strength. I’m essentially choosing to put on Saul’s armor and hoping that will help me defeat the giants. I need to recognize I’m not strong enough and, therefore, give up fighting. Instead of doing things to make me strong enough. I need to do things that will connect me to God because He is strong enough.

Way #2: Walk in God’s Presence

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says we should “pray without ceasing.” But I don’t want to simply call this tool, “Prayer.” Maybe we can call it “Prayer 2.0.” We need to take prayer to the next level. Instead of praying because it is the daily Christian homework assignment, pray because you are convinced God is right there with you listening. Envision Him as a you would a friend sitting across the table from you or walking beside you. Talk to Him because He is there.

Start your day talking to Him in prayer. Could you imagine waking up next to your spouse, walking around the house with her/him, eating breakfast, getting ready, and never saying a word? I can imagine that. Sadly, it has happened at my house. When? When things were bad. When someone is in our presence and we aren’t talking to them, it means something is wrong with that relationship. So get up and tell God, “Good morning. Please stay with me today.” Tell Him anything else that is on your mind. When you go to bed at night, tell Him, “Good night. Thanks for being with me today.” Tell Him anything you need to unload before going to sleep.

Talk with Him while you go through your day. Share what you are about to do. Ask Him to help with the decisions you are about to make. Follow-up with thanks for blessings that occur. If you fall, talk to Him about why it happened. This helps because it’s hard to gossip about your co-worker if you begin by asking God if He thinks it’s okay. It’s hard to look down a woman’s flapping shirt if you first run it by God to see what He thinks about it.

Way #3: Give Thanks

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says we should give thanks in every circumstance. No doubt, this is part of walking in God’s presence, but it is so important that I want to give it its own special recognition.

Let’s face it. Bad things happen to us all the time. We live in a fallen world. People sin. Because of sin, bad things are going on and we suffer for it. When bad things happen and even good things don’t go my way, I begin to get a little bitter. How about you? I begin to get resentful. I resent my wife, my kids, my friends, my co-workers, my neighbors, my brethren. Worst of all, I begin to resent God. I start to think maybe He is picking on me. Why won’t He let things go my way? This bitterness and resentment leads me to turn away from God and start relying on me. After all, if I don’t take care of me, who will? But this always leads me into sin. When I’m taking care of me, I always get trampled by the giants.

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever received is about writing a gratitude list. Start your day with one. End your day with one. Maybe even in the middle of the day remind yourself with one. You can obviously just pray your list. But on tough days I urge you to write your list down. Something about writing it makes it real.

What are you thankful for today? Breathing, walking, eating, clothing, cars, home, friends, wife, kids, job, church, ability to read, ability to speak, ability to move, opportunity to read “God’s Way Works”… This list can go on and on. As I unload all the blessings I have received, I begin to realize God isn’t picking on me. I really don’t have it that bad. Actually, lots of things are going my way. Maybe I don’t need to turn to my sins after all. Maybe I can ignore them for another day.

Way #4: Conscious Contact with God through His Word

In Acts 20:32, Paul commended the Ephesian elders to God and the word of His grace. Why? Because it would sanctify them and prepare them for the inheritance God wanted to pass on to them. Like prayer, this was not a daily homework assignment to trudge through and prove they were good enough. It was a source of life. If only God can beat the giants, then connect to Him in His word.

Don’t read the Bible like a newspaper, just trying to get through the day’s news. Listen to God’s word for the help it is offering. Find passages that help you in certain situations and return to them again and again as needed. I return to Psalm 119:145-152 over and over again to remind me that I don’t observe God’s testimonies so He will save me, but I need Him to save me so I will observe His testimonies. I go to Psalm 141:1-5 repeatedly in the face of temptation to remind me to ask for God to take over, setting a guard over me and providing me with others who will provoke me to righteousness. I go to Isaiah 40:28-31 to remind me that God is with me and will get me through whatever I’m facing. I go to Psalm 18:1-3 to remind me how great God is. God’s word really does give life when we use it as a life-giving connection to God instead of a dead homework assignment.

Way #5: Pack the Right Bags

Romans 13:14 says, “…make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Providing for the flesh is not the same as pursuing the flesh. “Making provision” is a picture of getting ready for a trip. When you are going on a trip you to have to make your provisions. That is, you have to pack your bags, plan your lodging, prepare your food, get your money together. You can’t possibly take your trip to Disney World if you haven’t made provisions for that trip. But making the provisions is not exactly the same as the trip itself. So, quit asking yourself if what you are about to do is actually a fleshly, sinful trip. Maybe it isn’t. But maybe it is packing your bags for one. Don’t do that either.

Sometimes the giants beat us because we rely on our own strength. That is, we pack our bags and make provisions to travel in the flesh. We think we can do that for a while but keep from actually taking the trip. The fact is if we pack our bags to travel into the flesh, we are going to submit to the flesh. We just aren’t that strong. Relying on God’s strength means packing our bags to travel with the Spirit. We make preparations to walk in the Spirit and by the Spirit.

Consider an example. Going to a buffet is not the same as committing gluttony (I choose this as an example because I still haven’t met anyone who ever commits, or should I say confesses to, gluttony). Is it a sin to eat at a buffet? No. Can some people eat at a buffet and not commit gluttony? Absolutely. But what if your giant was gluttony. What if it was whooping your backside every time you came onto the battlefield? Then eating at your local Chinese buffet is going to be packing your bags to walk in the flesh. Don’t spend all your time defending how eating there isn’t a sin. That’s not the issue. If you keep walking into a place where gluttony beats you every time, you are packing your bags to get beat by the giants. Rely on God’s strength instead by packing your bags to walk with Him.

Alright, this has gotten long enough as it is. Thanks for sticking with me this far. Come back next Monday and I’ll provide 5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants.

I Don’t Need to Guard Anyone’s Humility

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Have you ever read or heard something that was so subtly profound that it was almost as if you heard an audible click somewhere in your mind as a puzzle piece locked into place. Perhaps it makes something fit about life, about a relationship, or maybe just about yourself and something you’ve been struggling with.

This happened to me yesterday. I’m reading John Powell’s The Secret of Staying in Love* and absolutely loving it (I think he is becoming my new favorite author). While discussing how people can sometimes have a negative reaction to hearing someone else complimented he asked a question about himself:

“Why have I become such a jealous guardian of his humility?”

Someone is rejoicing over a victory, but I don’t want to rejoice with them because I’d hate for it to go to his head. In fact, I want to kick him when he is down because I want to make sure how much work he still has to do. He/she needs to know just how pitiful they are and I’d hate to think they were something more than what they are. I have to make sure that they hear from me exactly what I think they are capable or incapable of. Again, when did I become such a jealous guardian of their humility? When did that become my job?

Do I do this with my wife and kids? Do I see myself as the jealous guardian of the humility of my family? Do I see myself as the lone voice of wisdom that God has placed on this earth and in this family to make sure everyone knows their place? And of course, their place is somewhere subservient to me.

Oh, I’m not suggesting that I should never offer any critical advice. I’m simply suggesting I need to check my motives. Why am I so intent on making sure someone else’s head doesn’t get too big? When did that become my job? Isn’t my job as a husband to love and cherish my wife? Isn’t it to edify her and lift her up? Isn’t it to help her see what is best about her and what is glorious? Isn’t my job as a father to bring my children up to maturity, not keep them down? Isn’t my job to help them discover what their inate gifts and abilities are, providing them the encouragement and resources to pursue those things?

If my family is like me, there will be plenty of scenarios in life to help them stay humble. In fact, I’m pretty sure if humility is the thing they need to help them glorify and serve God, God is pretty good at allowing thorns in the flesh to make sure that happens.

And so again, I have to ask why I have become such a jealous guardian of their humility? Maybe the issue isn’t with my family. Maybe it is with me. Maybe I need to spend some time looking at what is going on in me to find out why their victories, rejoicing, successes, compliments cause me such inner turmoil. Perhaps I need to spend some time getting humble before God and figuring out what fears and insecurities are crippling my relationships with others.

I need to quit being the jealous guardian of others’ humility and instead be the victorious champion of their joy and well-being.

Remember, Gods’ way works for our families.

PS. I want to share a victory. I played The Settlers of Catan* with some friends. On my next turn, I was going to win the game. The friend who played just before me won and won because I wasn’t paying attention and let a trade happen that gave her the game. In time past, I would have been livid. I would have been livid at me for being so stupid as to make the mistake and definitely livid at her for taking the game from me. Instead, I was just happy to have gotten to play the game with some new friends. That may seem small to you, but you can ask my family, that is huge. It was a little sign in my book that says God really is working on me. It was a sign that reminded me God’s way really does work. Have a great week and play some games with your family.

* Yes, these were affiliate links. Trust me, you want to click on them and buy something. John Powell’s books are easy reads and truly profound and there just isn’t a game that is much more fun than Settlers of Catan. Here, I’ll give you another opportunity.

Give Christians Room to Grow

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oopsOne of the big problems I’ve had in the church setting is letting people grow. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I love to see people grow. I love to see them get stronger. I love to see them develop more faith. I love to see them learn new things. My problem is letting them be where they are before they do all that growing.

2 Peter 1:5-8 says we must all increase and add  faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love. Here is what that necessarily means. Right now we lack some faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love. If others are to grow in these areas, that means right now they lack in some of them too. That doesn’t make them bad. That doesn’t make them rebellious. That doesn’t make them someone who needs to be disciplined. We’re all on a spectrum. Some are farther along than me. Some are not as far along as me. I don’t want those farther along than me trying to control me and force me to be where they are. I want them to understand that I’m growing, be patient with me, and simply encourage me. Shouldn’t I do the same with others?

My problem is when I see someone who I think is less mature in some aspect of knowledge, virtue, or faith, I want to rush in grab control of their life and force them to be on the same page as me. Sadly, what happens most of the time is I polarize them away from where I am. I often push them into rebellion as they want to assert their right to be where they are right now. So, not only do I not help them grow, I actually stop their growing.

Why do I do this? Because I equate disagreeing with me or doing something different from me to mean that the other person doesn’t really want to serve God and I need to force them to do so. That just doesn’t work. However, when I’m able to recognize that we are all growing, that other people who are at different places than I am love God and they are growing, I’m often amazed at how much they do actually grow. I’m also amazed at how often we end up on the same page eventually.

Here is the hard part. This means I have to give others permission to disagree with me. I have to give others permission to make different choices from me. This means I have to give others permission to think and feel differently than I do about some things. This means I have to give others permission to be wrong sometimes. Or at least I think they’re wrong. Sometimes I was the one that needed to grow and came to believe I had been wrong.

The other reason this is hard is because I’m so afraid others might make me look bad. If folks found out someone who believed “that” or did “this” was in my congregation, they might think I’m somehow bad. It’s like when my children do something wrong. I take their wrong on to myself as if I was the one who did it. I’m not. I’m simply the guy who helps them grow and teaches them when they do wrong. Jesus was able to look at folks in Thyatira and Smyrna (Revelation 2:18-3:6) and not hold against them the sins of others. That’s what I need to hang on to.

I certainly do not believe a congregation can simply allow someone to live in divisive rebellion against God’s will. After all, God did tell the church in Thyatira to quit tolerating Jezebel. However, I also think I am too quick to label some as rebellious simply because they don’t think about every little detail the way I do. It is amazing how I can catastrophize even the smallest of disagreements. It reminds me of the time my dad found I had taken some caffeine pills and in fear had plotted out my life of alcohol, drugs, and crime that was the sure conclusion of having done that. Fortunately, those caffeine pills haven’t led me down that path. Not yet anyway. I remember being so mad at him. I remember wanting to take some more of those pills just to prove him wrong. I remember thinking I would never treat my kids like that. And yet, I do it to brethren all the time (I probably do it to my kids too). I can easily take the smallest disagreement and be sure it means someone doesn’t care about God, won’t obey Him, and is on a path for hell that will lead numerous others with her. Then again, she may simply be on a path of growth and this is where she needs to work. I need to let her develop on God’s time table, not mine. I need to share with her my experience, strength, and hope, encouraging her in what I believe is right. What I can’t do is control and manipulate her to be where I am right now. That’s not my job. Not to mention, it is impossible.

The long and short of it in our churches is there is a time to let people grow. That means there is a time to let them be wrong. That means there is a time to let them be weak. That means there is a time to let them make mistakes. I want others to do that for me.

Keep the faith and remember God’s way works.

ELC

Imperfect Christians Aren’t Bad Christians

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shameWhen a child spills some milk what do you do? Do you yell and scream at him as if he is a worthless, flawed, failure? I hope not. That little child is imperfect and makes mistakes. To treat him like he has no value or is less-than when he makes a mistake is not good. Instead, show him how to clean up his mess. Talk him through how and why the mess was made so he might avoid the same mistake in the future.

 

What about when a child says a cuss word? Do you yell and scream at her as if she is a worthless, flawed, failure who is making you look like a bad parent? I hope not. That child is imperfect and makes mistakes. To treat her like she has no value or is less-than when she makes a mistake is not good. Instead, you talk to her about language. You help her establish boundaries for the kinds of words she uses and strive to pass on your values regarding the words we speak.

 

That makes sense to us regarding our kids. But what about our brethren? What about members of our congregation? What do we do when we know one of our brethren lied, lusted, cheated, stole, etc.? Do we yell and scream at them as if they are worthless, flawed, failures who are making your church look bad? Do we shame them, making them jump through hoops to feel forgiven? Do we treat them as if they are less-than? Do we look down on them as if they aren’t quite as spiritual as us? I hope not. That brother or sister is imperfect. They make mistakes. They will sin. To treat them like they are less-than, to shame them, to bitterly and harshly treat them is just not good. How dare we who are just as imperfect and just as sinful treat our brethren as if we are better than they are when we talk to them about their sins.

 

Perhaps this is why Paul told us to restore those caught in any trespass with gentleness (Galatians 6:1).

 

Certainly, if someone is living in utter rebellion, harsh rebuke may become necessary. However, to treat other growing Christians as if they are bad Christians just because they aren’t perfect (just like we aren’t perfect) is wrong. Do you know what Jesus did for that brother or sister when He learned about their sins? He died for them.

 

Think about that the next time you need to talk to a brother or sister about sin in their life. That may help you talk to them God’s way.

 

Remember, God’s Way Works!

6 Things to Do When You Forgot to Walk Your Dog or 6 Keys to an Actual Apology

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A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the #1 reason you should own a dog. That reason was that walking the dog helps provide a pause button before you blow up with anger. The problem is, even after writing that, I don’t alway remember to go walk the dog.

Last week I blew up at my daughter, Tessa, ironically enough about the dog. When I say I blew up, I mean volcanic eruption. Yelling, hateful speech, belittling and hurting. It was so awful, her only response was to break down in tears. That broke my heart. To know that I was the cause of such sadness and pain kills me. The problem is that it is too late to take it back. The damage has been done. However, just because the damage has been done doesn’t mean I just ask for God’s forgiveness and move on without looking back.

Matthew 5:23-24 says, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” What was sacrifice for under the Old Covenant? It wasn’t just an act of worship. Sacrifice was the means by which the Jews became reconciled with God for their sins. What then is Jesus saying? He’s saying that before I strive to be reconciled with God over some sin of mine, I need to reconcile with the person against whom I sinned. I can’t sin against people all day and then think a nightly prayer of confession wipes my slate clean. I need to be busy reconciling.

When I blew up at Tessa, I immediately knew I had done wrong. (I don’t treat that lightly. There was a time when I didn’t recognize that blowing up at my children was wrong. This immediate recognition is progress for me.) Within two minutes I had apologized. However, my apology went something like this, “Tessa, I’m sorry I blew up at you. But I’m just so tired of you arguing with me. You have to quit arguing with me and disrespecting me. I’m the parent in this relationship and you are supposed to do what I tell you without backtalking.”

Can you already see the problem? Sure, I said the words, “I’m sorry.” But I didn’t apologize. I didn’t seek amends. I didn’t reconcile. I actually just used those words to start another harangue on my daughter. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions. Rather, I admitted I had done something wrong but placed the responsibility on Tessa. The “apology” was more about what I thought she had done wrong than what I knew I had done wrong.

Sadly, my conviction on this flawed apology was a little bit slower in coming. It took all day for this conviction to come. (As a side note, this happened last Tuesday morning, which may explain why I was in no mood to get last week’s post up on a Springboard for Your Family.)

However, when I got home last week after our gospel meeting with Terry Francis, I pulled Tessa aside and offered a true apology, amends, reconciliation. Here is essentially what I said.

“Tessa, I need to offer you an apology. This morning when you argued with me, I blew up at you. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry. Then I offered an apology that wasn’t really an apology but actually a justification. I really blamed you for my sin. I do think you were wrong for arguing with me and disrespecting with me. But my angry outburst was not your fault. I acted like you were to blame when I was the one who blew up. Your arguing and my blowing up were two different things. I’m sorry for blowing up at you and I’m sorry for blaming you. I don’t want you to think you were at fault for my sin. Will you please forgive me?” She said yes and we hugged.

Please notice some things here that will help as we strive to reconcile with folks.

1) Take personal responsibility.

My angry outburst was mine. It wasn’t Tessa’s. Did she do something wrong? Sure. But that was hers and not mine. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does, I’m not given permission to sin. Therefore, when I’m seeking forgiveness and reconciliation I must not shift the responsibility to anyone else. When I do, I’m not really apologizing.

2) State the sin/wrong/hurt.

Many times, I want to gloss over my wrongs by just offering some kind of general apology or plea for reconciliation. However, if I really want reconciliation, I won’t gloss over but I will validate the other person’s feelings of hurt and anger by stating exactly what I did. I blew up. I justified. I acted like I was apologizing when I wasn’t. The way I avoided this in my second apology (first real apology) was to actually state all the sins I had committed, all the hurts I had administered. This showed that I really had thought about what I had done. I really did have remorse about the hurt. 

Before someone cries, “Wait a minute, God never said I had to list all the hurts,” let me make a comment. I’m not trying to write a 5-step plan for being forgiven by God so you can go to heaven. I’m writing what I’ve learned actually helps me reconcile with others. God did say you needed to reconcile with those you had wronged. I’ve learned this helps accomplish what God has asked of us.

3) State that it was a sin.

Certainly, sometimes I make errors in judgment or mistakes. When that is all I’ve done, that is all I need to admit to. However, when I’ve actually sinned (and wrathful outbursts and clamoring really are sins even when they are directed toward my children–Ephesians 4:31), I need to admit what I did. I shouldn’t minimize it. I shouldn’t play it down. I need to call a spade a spade and a sin a sin. Otherwise, I’m still not really apologizing and reconciling, am I?

4) Don’t demand the other apologize.

Tessa did wrong with her disrespectful argument and disobedience. But that didn’t need to be dealt with as I apologized for my sin. The fact is my apology would come off as manipulative if it appeared like my apology was actually fishing for Tessa to offer how own apology for her wrongs.

Don’t misunderstand, if someone has sinned against you, you should talk to them about it. I’m just saying the midst of your own apology is not the place to do it.

5) Ask for forgiveness.

When I’ve sinned, what I need most is forgiveness. I didn’t need to simply apologize and move on. I needed to put the ball in Tessa’s court. As much as it depends on me, I should be at peace with all people (Romans 12:18). That means I need to do my part. My part is to recognize my wrong, apologize, and seek forgiveness. When I’ve done that, then as far as it depends on me, I’m living peaceably with others.

6) Don’t act like forgiveness is owed.

You can’t see this point in my actual words, but rather in the omission of words. Fortunately, Tessa immediately agreed to forgive me. We hugged and moved on in our relationship. But what if she hadn’t forgiven me? What if she had said, “Dad, if this were the first time, I would forgive you. But this is the 100th time that I can recall. I’m just not ready to forgive you right now. Maybe later.” How should I respond?

This is a tough one for Christians because we immediately want to bring out Luke 17:3-4. “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in a day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” When we’ve done wrong and the other person is not forgiving us, we like to hammer him/her with this passage. But think through this for a moment.

If I’m asking Tessa for forgiveness, I’m asking for mercy. I’m asking for something I haven’t earned. Something that by definition she is not obligated by our relationship to give me. The problem is we Christians are often like little children and the word “Please.” When trying to teach my children manners and how to use the word “please,” we always hit a phase in which the child thinks that because they said “please” they are owed what they asked for. We tend to think that because we said, “I’m sorry; will you please forgive me,” the other person owes it to us and we start bludgeon them with the Bible when they are reluctant.

Here’s the problem. Should Tessa forgive me? Absolutely. But not because of me. She doesn’t owe me. She owes God. If she refused to forgive me, is that a problem. Absolutely. But that is between her and God, not between her and me. Should someone hold her accountable to God’s standard of forgiveness. Absolutely. But that is not my place. If I act like I’m owed this forgiveness I’m asking for, then I’m not actually asking for forgiveness am I. Forgiveness, by definition, is something not owed to me. 

If Tessa had trouble forgiving me, instead of holding Luke 17:3-4 over her head, I need to apologize again for setting a stumbling block before her. I sinned against her so badly that she is finding it hard to submit to God’s will. Far from acting like the truly spiritual one, I need to humbly make reconciliation for that further sin on my part.

I really hate to share this huge flub on my part. I’d rather get to come off as one of those guys who has done it all right and if you would just be like me you could do it all right too. Regrettably, that is just not the role God is letting me play. Instead, I hope you can learn from my school of hard knocks so you don’t have to go through them.