God's Way Works

For a better life and a better eternity

A Springboard for Your Spiritual Life

Growing Up: Part 1 (The Infant Stage)

by Leave a Comment

I recently read a very interesting book that provided an intriguing look at growing up, maturing (wait for it…wait for it… yes, here it is, an associate link: The Life Model: Living from the heart Jesus gave you). Their maturity progress is a mix of how we must grow just to get along in life, but also how we must grow in Jesus to be a maturing disciple. Over the next five Mondays, I want to simply share their five stages of maturity with you. I hope this will spark some great discussion about growing up and growing up in the Lord.

The biological ages provided are not saying once a person reaches that biological point they move on to the next maturity level. Rather, they simply point out the earliest point at which a person can move to the next maturity level. The fact is, someone may be 36 and still in the infant stage of maturity.

The stages are:

  1. Infant (0-3)
  2. Child (4-12)
  3. Adult (13-birth of first child)
  4. Parent (birth of first child-youngest child becomes an adult)
  5. Elder (beginning when youngest child becomes an adult)

The Infant Stage (0-3)

The baby stage. In fact, consider what being a baby is like and you see what this level of maturity is like. A baby cannot articulate her needs. A baby can simply scream when he needs or wants something. The parents must guess at his needs. Granted, good parents learn to guess well. They respond to the baby’s needs, nurturing it, feeding it, diapering it, holding it, comforting it.

This is exactly what an infant needs. She needs someone to provide this care-giving love. But more than that, she needs someone to provide these needs while seeing her as God sees her. That is, she needs to see joy on the faces of those who are caring for her. If he sees anger, hurt, fear, that is what he will learn to look for as he grows up. He’ll have a hard time maintaining a center of joy. He’ll have a hard time walking in and bearing the fruit of the Spirit, which is joy (Galatians 5:22).

The infant “needs to be the ‘sparkle in someone’s eye’ and to be with people that are ‘glad to be with them’ so that they live in joy and learn that joy is one’s normal state” (p. 20).

Progressing to the Next Level

Before progressing to the next level of maturity, the infant must accomplish 5 maturity tasks.

  1. Live in joy, expanding the capacity for joy and learn that joy is the normal state.
  2. Develop trust.
  3. Learn how to receive.
  4. Begin to organize self into a person through relationships.
  5. Learn how to return to joy from every unpleasant emotion.

These steps are accomplished as the family and community accomplishes the following 5 tasks respectively.

  1. Parents delight in the infant’s wonderful and unique existence.
  2. Parents build strong, loving, bonds with the infant–bonds of unconditional love.
  3. Give care that matches the infants needs, without the infant asking.
  4. Discover the true characteristics of the infant’s unique identity, through attention to the child’s behavior and character
  5. Provide enough safety and companionship during difficulties, so the infant can return to joy from any other emotion (p. 29).

Getting Stuck as a Baby

Have you ever seen someone you might call a big baby? That may be a very accurate description. The problem may really be that they never did progress beyond the infant stage of maturity.

If an infant is not provided the unconditional love, care, and nurturing, he will be wounded. He will get stuck in the infant stage. If he learns that he can’t trust others, he’ll always live in fear and distrust, wanting someone to take care of him but certain no one ever will. Do you think that might hinder his ability to rely on God?

If the parents and/or community around the child has not reached the parental stage of maturity, the child is going to be in trouble. The parents can’t give what they don’t have. If the parents are stuck in the infant stage or even the child stage, they will be seeking their own needs themselves and leaving the infant child to fend for herself. The parent, seeking his or her own needs, may “parentify” the infant, seeking their own happiness and comfort through the child. The roles become reversed and neither is fulfilled. It is the parents that are to provide the love and nurture to the child, not the other way around. Sadly, too many of us have kids because we are needy, not because we are prepared to care for a child.

Adult Infants

“‘Adult infants’ who have not received in these important areas as babies, will always be needy as adults. They will not be able to take care of themselves emotionally nor will they be able to appropriately receive important things from others. Adult infants will not ask for what they need because they believe if others really cared for them, they would figure out what they needed. Adult infants cannot handle criticism even if it is valid and constructive, because they see any negative feedback as a personal attack. They are often possessive of relationships, territory, power and possessions. Unfortunately for all involved, they also use fear bonding to ensure others will stay bonded to them [Fear bonding is getting others to stay in a relationship by using negative pressures, making them fear something negative if they act as themselves or if they leave the relationship-ELC]. And while ‘high functioning’ adult infants can appear responsible in many areas, like handling personal finances, and being punctual and reliable, emotionally they are severely crippled making it difficult for them to have successful and enduring relationships” (pp. 20-21).

The Spiritual Application

Do you think new converts might be in a similar stage as a newborn infant? They are extremely needy, but they don’t even yet know how to express their needs. They need to be in a family with mature Christians who can anticipate their needs and provide them without them even asking. They need spiritual parents who will care for them, nurturing them, teaching them they can trust the brethren and they can trust God. I can’t begin to suggest for how many years this stage is normal.

However, I can suggest that perhaps more Christians need more mature brethren to demonstrate that the newborn in the faith are the sparkle of our eyes, that we are overjoyed to have them in our presence. What might smiles, hugs, and listening ears accomplish for these new Christians? New Christians need more mature Christians who build strong bonds of unconditional love (emphasize unconditional love–not love until they have a relapse into their favorite pre-baptism sin). Infants in Christ need more mature Christians who discover the babe’s unique identity and strengths. These things might go a longer way to producing spiritual maturity than simply dropping them in a New Converts class and attempting to fill their heads with all the right answers to all the right questions. Babes in Christ need relationships. They will develop their relationship with God as they develop their relationship with other Christians.

Of course, we can’t give what we don’t have. If the congregation has no one at a parent or elder level maturity, there is going to be a problem. The church will then be filled only with people seeking others to care for them or who can only take care of themselves. That is a hurting place to be.

Ephesians 4:13 says we need to develop to mature manhood. If we are stuck in the infant stage, we need to do some work. We need to find some “parents” who can help us get unstuck and move past our wounds and hurts. Be honest with yourself. If you see yourself in that “adult infant” paragraph, seek some mature person out to help you grow.

I hope we can start a discussion here. How do we get beyond infanthood if we are stuck there?

God’s Way Works

by Leave a Comment

For a long time, I’ve misunderstood Matthew 7:13-14: “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

I’ve treated that verse as if what it said was I needed to work really hard to put one foot in front of the other on God’s narrow way to show God how pleasing I can be to Him. I felt as if the narrow way was a test for me to show how good I can be. If I follow it close enough, God will deem me worthy of heaven.

I think I was wrong.

God has not established a narrow way in order to test my goodness. God wants me to have life and not destruction. He established the narrow way because it works.

What does this mean on a practical level? It means God hasn’t established His commands to make eternity hard for me to grasp. He has given His word to shine a light on the way and make it easier. Psalm 119:105 says God’s word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. He didn’t give His word to make it harder, but to make it easier. How hard would it be if I was left on my own to figure out how to journey into eternity?

Isaiah 50:10-11 talks to those who are walking in darkness and have no light. God says two things. He says they need to trust and rely on Him. Then He talks to those who light their own fires, that is follow their own ways. The end result, He says, is torment. Then there the two proverbs: Proverbs 14:12; 16:25 say, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

This is the point, if I want life, I can’t achieve it by being good enough. I can’t achieve it by earning it. I’ve already lost that. What then am I to do? Whatever God tells me. His way works. My way will just lead to death. If I go my own way, it’s not that I’m falling short of earning life, I’m simply not walking the path that leads to life. Think of it this way. I live off I-65 just south of Nashville, TN. If I wanted to go to Indianapolis, I’d hop on I-65 and drive north. Why? Why not turn onto I-40? Why not go south? Is it because going north on I-65 will earn my way into Indianapolis? No. It’s because that way works. When mapquest tells me to turn on to I-65, is it trying to stifle my expression, my creativity, my own strength? No. It is just telling me how to get there. It’s making it easier for me.

But God’s narrow way seems so difficult? I seem to keep falling off the side and into the ditch. I can keep getting up and getting back on the path because I know I’m not alone. God is working in me and through me (Philippians 2:12-13) and He is able to keep me from stumbling (Jude 1:24).

Today, instead of trying to earn your way into heaven by working hard on the narrow way, just do what God wants. His way works. Yours won’t.

Have You Told Your Father You Love Him Today: A Video from the Skit Guys

by Leave a Comment

Instead of trying to impress God with how amazing your works are. How about you just do your best to tell God you love Him today? The Skit Guys provide a modern parable about our family and then relate it to our relationship with God.

Since I missed posting yesterday, I thought this might be a great combination of a springboard for your spiritual life and your family life.

Enjoy.

I’ve Decided to Quit Trying to Go to Heaven and I Urge You to Do the Same

by 3 Comments

Yes, you read the title of this post properly. I’ve decided I’m going to quit trying to go to heaven and I urge you to do the same. This has been a bit of a process for me. I’ve been struggling with this concept of going to heaven for a while now, but I’ve finally come to a conclusion.

I can’t do it, so why bother. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get myself to heaven. I can assemble with the saints every time the doors are open. I can give all my money into the collection and anything that is left over to the poor. I can sing all the songs as beautifully and meaningfully as possible. I can avoid big sins like adultery, murder, homosexuality. I can work on the sins I’ve struggled with like lust, angry outbursts, materialism. I can teach a person the gospel every day. I can build a huge tower reaching up to the heavens. It doesn’t matter. I can’t get myself to heaven. In fact, when I do all of that, it seems more like I’m just trying to make a name for myself.

So, I’ve decided to quit trying. I’m giving up on trying to go to heaven. If I go to heaven, it will be because God decided to take me there. I’ll leave my eternal destiny up to His decision. I’m no longer going to try to manipulate His decision.

Instead, today I’m going to work on connecting to God, getting closer to Him, and glorifying Him. Why would I do anything else? This is the God who created a world perfectly suited for me to live. This is the God who gave me life and a body (and the more I learn about this body, the more amazed I am at God’s wisdom and majesty). This is the God who has given me food every day of my life. This is the God who has clothed me. This is the God who has provided me shelter. This is the God who has given me family and friends. More than all of this, however, this is the God who sent His Son to die for me that I could be forgiven of the horrendous sins I’ve committed. This is the God who sacrificed His Son not only so I could be forgiven, but so I could be set free from the enslavement of my sins. This is the God who is sanctifying me and making me righteous because I hunger and thirst for that. How could I do anything but get connect, get closer, and glorify Him? I love Him. How could I not? Look at how He has loved me.

On a practical level, here are ten things this means for me today.

  1. I’ll walk in God’s presence. I know that sounds kind of ethereal, but it actually means something very practical to me. I’m going to work on constantly remembering God is with me. While that means I’ll have a specified time of prayer, it also means I’ll strive to carry on a conversation with the God who is right beside me holding me up all the way. As victories occur, I’ll thank Him. As struggles arise, I’ll retreat into Him. As the need for decisions arise, I’ll petition His wisdom. As I pursue the ways today lays before me, I’ll acknowledge God for His power and providence in my life. As I walk through my day, I’ll talk to Him.
  2. I’ll abide in God’s word. Again, that sounds ethereal but means something very practical for me. It means first of all that I’ll spend time in God’s word. I’ll read it. But more than that, I’ll give attention to what I’ve read; I’ll think about and meditate on what I’ve read. I’ll strive to pick at least one thing out of what I’ve read with which to examine myself and see if I’m in the faith because I’m living what God said. I’ll hide God’s word in my heart. I’ll study deeply to understand God’s will and know God’s mind. Is there any better way to get to know God than get deeply involved in what He is saying to me?
  3. I’ll love my wife as Christ loves the church. Gary Thomas’s Sacred Marriage (be careful, if you click that link, it will take you to Amazon.com and if you purchase something while there, you will be helping me out financially) helped me grasp Ephesians 5:22-33 on a deeper level. I’ve learned that nothing will help me become like Christ more than my relationship with Marita. Therefore, nothing can glorify God more than how I approach that relationship. When I love Marita as Jesus loved the church, I proclaim for the world His love. So, I’ll talk to her with love, not disrespectful judgment. I’ll make thoughtful requests, not selfish demands. I’ll bring peace to our relationship, not angry outbursts. I’ll fulfill her needs by the grace and strength of God.
  4. I’ll love my children and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. How I treat my children today demonstrates to the world what I think about God and what kind of Father He is. No doubt, it teaches my children how to view God. Let’s face it, if nothing else, it teaches my children how to view God. There is little else I can do to glorify God more than to strive to father as He does.
  5. I’ll resist the devil. James 4:7-8 demonstrates that resisting the devil goes hand in hand with drawing near to God. Based on my understanding of God’s will, I’ll resist the traps of the tempter, trusting in God’s way of escape and His grace and strength to see me through the battle.
  6. I’ll talk to others about God’s things. I’m doing it now through this blog. With my friends and family, while we may talk about the weather, we may talk about sports, we may talk about politics, I will make sure to make God’s things part of my conversation. I may talk about what I’ve studied in God’s word today. I may talk about God’s blessing in my life. I may talk about the gospel’s power to save to someone who is lost. I may talk about my decision to quit trying to go to heaven and just striving to connect to God.
  7. I’ll praise God. Perhaps this is just an extension of walking in God’s presence. But while typing this I looked out the window and saw three or four different kinds of birds. It just amazes me the intricacy and detail with which God has created our world. I want to praise Him for the red birds, blue birds, yellow birds, and black birds I’ve seen. I want to praise Him for the trees in my yard. I want to praise Him for the rain that continues the cycle of life. I want to praise Him for the seasons that are turning the leaves into hues of orange, yellow, gold, vermillion. I want to praise God for the coffee beans that have been roasted, ground up, and brewed and are now sitting next to my computer warming and refreshing me. I want to praise God for giving me the brethren with whom I ate on Saturday and Sunday, the friends and family with whom I played games over the weekend. I need to stop the list now or this point alone will dominate the post. I think you get the picture.
  8. I’ll serve others. I can’t help but think of the song “Make Me A Servant.” “Make me a servant, just like Your Son. For He was a servant. Please make me one.” If I get outside myself, sacrificing myself for others, I become more like God. What a glory that points toward Him, especially as I point others to Him as the motivation for my service. Of course, that will only be when they find out that I’m the one serving. To give God the glory, I’ll strive to keep the right hand from knowing what the left is doing. I won’t be out for credit. I’ll be serving because that in itself is a reward.
  9. I’ll spend time with God’s family. I can say this easily today because my family has been invited to another family’s house to have supper. While this may not be something I can do every day, it is something I’ll work on. After all, if I want to draw near to God, one of the best ways to do it is to draw near to God’s children.
  10. I’ll attend tonight’s assembly of the Franklin Church. This is obviously a very practical one for me today. It just so happened that I’ve made the decision to quit trying to go to heaven during the week the congregation I’m part of is having a special series on “Connecting and Conquering.” However, tonight, I’m not going to go because there is some rule about attending. Tonight, I’m not going to go because I’m the preacher and have to. Tonight, I’m not going to attend because the speaker is one of my best friends. Tonight, I’m going to attend because what could draw me closer to God and glorify Him more than meeting with other Christians to edify each other, praise God, and learn from His word as one of His children shares the fruit of his study of God’s word?

I could go on, but I hope you get the point. Today, I’m going to put my eternal destiny in God’s hands. I’ll let Him decide what to do with me for eternity. I’m no longer trying to manipulate Him, impress Him, or earn anything from Him. Today, I just want to get close to Him. I hope as I spend time with Him, I’ll see you hanging around with us.

    The Struggle with Surrendering to Jesus (A video)

    by Leave a Comment

    I know I said I usually don’t like those videos that has someone playing Jesus or God. But, here’s another one that I thought really hit the nail on the head.

    This reminds me of what a friend once said about Romans 12:1-2 and the living sacrifice. “What is the problem with a living sacrifice?” “I don’t know.” “It keeps crawling off the altar.”

    Check out the video and give Jesus the stool.

    It’s a Red Balloon: A Parable about Truth (A Video)

    by Leave a Comment

    Okay, okay, I understand that Bible study goes a bit deeper than determining the color of a balloon. At the same time, I think this video parable/analogy/illustration should cause us to stop and think.

    Enjoy and remember, when you know the truth, the truth shall set you free.