God's Way Works

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Raising Kids

31 Ways to Pray for Your Kids

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Thanks to Jason Hardin for reposting this. I thought I would pass it along too.

If you’re a parent, perhaps you can relate to these words by Bob Hostetler:

For years, like any responsible Christian parent, I prayed daily for my two children, Aubrey and Aaron.  I prayed for God’s blessing and protection throughout their days.  I prayed for them to be happy.  I asked God to help them through difficult times and to help them make wise choices.  My prayers were regular, heartfelt, and—for the most part—pedestrian and repetitive.

I wanted more than that, however.  I wanted so much for my children, but when I knelt in prayer, I invariably found the same tired words rolling from my lips, like an adult whose table grace never progressed beyond “God is great, God is good, now we thank him for this food…”

So Bob developed his own “parent prayer program,” a simple practice that revolutionized the way he prays for his children.  Each day of the month, in addition to his prayers for their safety and for the concerns of that day, he also prays for a specific character trait, virtue, or fruit of the Spirit to be planted and nurtured in his children through his efforts (and his wife’s), through the influence of others, and through his children’s own actions and decisions.  At the end of each month, he begins praying through the list again.

I really appreciate Bob sharing his plan and inviting others to “duplicate it—or improve upon it—to help you pray specifically and purposefully for your children.”  Below is a slightly adapted list I plan on adopting for my own prayer life.

  1. Salvation – “Father, my heart’s desire and prayer to you is that my children may be saved, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory” (Rom 10:1;  2 Tim 2:10).
  2. Growth in grace – “I pray that they may grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Pet 3:18).
  3. Love – “Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” (Eph 5:2).
  4. Honesty and integrity – “May integrity and honesty preserve and protect them” (Psa 25:21).
  5. Self-control – “Father, help my children not to be like so many others around them, but let them be alert and sober in all that they do” (1 Thes 5:6)
  6. A love for God’s Word – “May my children grow to treasure your Word as more precious than gold and sweeter than honey” (Psa 19:10).
  7. Justice – “God, help my children to love righteousness as you do and to act justly in all that they do” (Psa 11:7; Mic 6:8).
  8. Mercy – “May my children always be merciful, even as their heavenly Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36).
  9. Respect – “Father, grant that my children may show proper respect for authority, for themselves, and for others” (1 Pet 2:17).
  10. Strong, Biblical self-esteem – “Help my children develop a strong sense of self-worth that is rooted in the realization that they are your workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works” (Eph 2:10).
  11. Faithfulness – “Let love and faithfulness never leave my children, but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablet of their hearts” (Prov 3:3).
  12. Courage – “May my children always be strong and courageous in their character and in their actions” (Deut 31:6).
  13. Purity – “Create in them a pure heart, O God, and let their purity of heart be shown in their actions” (Psa 51:10).
  14. Kindness – “Lord, may my children always seek to do good to one another and to everyone” (1 Thes 5:15).
  15. Generosity – “Grant that my children may be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future” (1 Tim 6:18-19).
  16. Peace and peaceability – “Father, help my children pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Rom 14:19).
  17. Joy – “May my children eagerly receive your Word and be filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit’” (1 Thes 1:6).
  18. Perseverance – “Lord, teach my children steadfastness in all that they do, and help them to run with endurance the race that is set before them” (Heb 12:1).
  19. Humility – “God, please cultivate in my children the ability to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people (Tit 3:2).
  20. Compassion – “Lord, please clothe my children with the virtue of compassionate hearts” (Col 3:12).
  21. Responsibility – “Grant that my children may learn to faithfully bear their own load as dedicated stewards, for your glory” (Gal 6:5).
  22. Contentment – “Father, help my children learn the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need, through Christ who can strengthen them in any and every circumstance” (Phil 4:12-13).
  23. Faith – “I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children’s hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them” (Luke 17:5-6; Heb 11:1).
  24. A servant’s heart – “God, please help my children do your will from their hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly, as to you and not to men” (Eph 6:7).
  25. Hope – “May you, the God of hope, fill my children and make them overflow with hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Rom 15:13).
  26. Patience – “Do whatever you must, faithful Father, to help my children develop patience in well-doing as they seek for glory and honor and immortality” (Rom 2:7).
  27. A passion for God – “Help my children to learn that your steadfast love is better than life and that the greatest joy is found when our souls cling passionately to you (Psa 63:3,8).
  28. Self-discipline – “Father, I pray that my children would develop discipline to consistently seek your wise instructions, that they may walk in ways that are right and just and fair” (Prov 1:3).
  29. Prayerfulness – “Grant, Lord, that my children’s lives would be marked by prayerfulness, that they would pray at all occasions with all kinds of supplications and requests” (Eph 6:18).
  30. Gratitude – “Help my children to live lives that overflow with thankfulness, giving you thanks always and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Col 2:7; Eph 5:20).
  31. A heart for evangelism – “Heavenly Father, help my children to develop hearts for the spread of the gospel, a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all the peoples” (Psa 96:3).

What about you?  Could a similar approach to prayer supplement your efforts to bring your own children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? (Eph 6:4)

Helicopter Parenting: What Do You Think?

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Regrettably, ABC won’t let this video be embedded (I’m still wondering when these folks are going to get with the program and recognize allowing this stuff to be passed on only helps them). Anyway, check out the video at the following YouTube link.

Helicopter Moms: Hurting or Helping Kids

Then, let’s talk about it.

Helicopter parenting: What do you think?

Have a Personal Bible Study with Your Kids

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I guess it’s been a couple of months ago now that my wife asked me to start having Bible studies with each of the kids. My initial thought was, “What? Are you kidding me? Do you know how much work I have to do each day?” I couldn’t believe she was asking me to add this in to my day. Sure, I want to have some family time in the Word each week, but add in three Bible studies?

I wondered if she had forgotten that we had just moved to work with a new congregation. I was busy trying to meet people. I was establishing new studies with people, trying to visit with guests in the congregation. Not to mention we had moved from a congregation in which I had to preach once a week and now have to preach twice (I know, I know, most of you other preachers are playing the violin and weeping for me). How could she ask me to do this?

I was conflicted. In fact, I felt guilty. I knew this should be something I wanted to do. After all, I am the dad. My job is to lead my family. My job is to raise my kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But at first, all I could see was the sacrifice of my time and how it would get in they way of my “job.”

Then something hit me. If one of my neighbors called up and asked for a Bible study, I would be all over that. If a visitor in the church asked for a study, I would jump at the chance. If anybody in the congregation asked me to have a study with their family and their children, I’d be making all kinds of room in my schedule. Why? That’s my job. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. I study the Bible with people. I’m always looking for opportunities to do that.

Suddenly it became clear. I now have three opportunities to study every week with someone. These three people are extremely important to me. I want them to serve God more than I want anyone else to. Why on earth would I get upset about scheduling time with them to study the Word? Now, no matter what, I get to have at least three Bible studies per week. I get to share God’s word with three people. Sometimes we get a lot out of it. Sometimes it is a struggle. But this is my life. It’s what I do. I can hardly believe I was ready to miss out on the opportunity just because I was having a skewed perspective.

I bring all this up because I’ve met a lot of dads (and moms) who bemoan the fact that they have always wanted to be able to teach someone the gospel, to have personal work or evangelistic studies and help others get to heaven. They are sincere about that, but they consistently overlook the very people God gave them to teach.

Why not set up your first weekly Bible study? Why not do it with your children? You can do it with them as a group or work with each of them individually. Either way, if you’re looking for someone to share the gospel with, why not do it with your kids. They need it too.

And remember, God’s way works for your family.

When I Remember My Own Weaknesses, I Can Be Gentle with My Family

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Today’s Bible reading over at giveattentiontoreading.com really hit me about how I deal with my family.

The verse that really got me was Hebrews 5:2, “He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness.” The Hebrew writer was talking about the Old Covenant priests who had to offer sacrifices for themselves as well as for the people. They could deal gently with others because they recognize their own weaknesses.

That hit me regarding my preaching and relationships with brethren. But it also made me think about my wife and kids. It really struck me that usually I’m most harsh with my wife and kids if they are making a mistake I have made. I think in some ways I can get really harsh because I can trick myself into thinking I’m better than I am. If I come down really hard on them about the issue that means I’m not soft on the issue with them and really I have a good handle on it. I can make myself feel better than them by really letting them have it.

Interestingly, the Bible says my own weaknesses should have the exact opposite affect. Instead of my weaknesses making me more harsh with my family, they ought to help me address my family with gentleness.

This is especially true with my children. How often I see them make my mistakes and out of the noble desire to protect them from the consequences I’ve had to face I start getting mean, harsh, controlling, and even manipulative. In my mind, it is about protecting and preserving them. That seems noble enough. One of the things I’m learning is that when I’m mean, harsh, or controlling, I usually just push my kids to keep making the same mistakes. When I approach them with gentleness, recognizing my own weaknesses, even leading with my weaknesses, that seems to help them a whole lot more.

I’m making a personal commitment today. Before I start getting on to my kids for anything, I want to first think about my own weaknesses. I want to remember that I am beset with weakness. That way, when I deal with their weaknesses, I can do so with the proper spirit.

Have a great week and remember that God’s way works with our families.

Edwin

Let “Yes” Be Your Default with Your Kids

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torch by Xjs-Khaos

My default response to the kids is, “No.” I hear the words, “Dad, can I…” and my tongue starts tipping against the roof of my mouth automatically. “No.” I can say it sympathetically. I can say it resoundingly. I can say it firmly. I can say it at the top of my voice. I can say it in a whisper. I’m pretty good at saying, “No.” Why? Because “No” doesn’t take any thought.

Can you go over to so-and-so’s house today? I don’t want to think about it; No. Can you have this or that? I don’t want to put brain power to that; No. Can you try something or experiment with the other thing? I’m not wasting any precious thinking time on that; No.

I learned something last week. Yes is better. Oh, don’t get me wrong. No is necessary. But it doesn’t have to be the default. By default I mean, I normally have a ready made “No” and have to be convinced of a good reason to say, “Yes.” Perhaps the better approach is let the default be “Yes” and force myself to have a good reason before saying, “No.”

Last week, or maybe it was the week before, we were burning limbs at my house. Tessa had a brilliant idea. She had always wanted to hold a real life torch. She decided to grab an old sock, wrap it around the end of a stick and put it in the fire. Now that would have to be some amazing fun. But, there I was, my practiced response at the ready. I could see where this was going as soon as the sock came out, “No.” “But dad, this is an old sock that doesn’t fit me.” “NO.” “Dad, I have money to buy new socks.” “NO!”

I know, I know. Some of you are saying, “Why did you even let her argue? You said, ‘No.’ She should have said, ‘Yes, sir,’ and been done with it.” I’m sure there is some truth to that. However, when you’ve learned that the answer will always be “no” unless you give some good reasons, you get pretty practiced at firing off some good reasons while you have a chance. I think I might have a better chance of getting her to quit arguing with me if she learns that I’m a yes guy unless there is a good reason to say, “No.” If the default is always “No,” I’m guessing the rebellion will always simmer beneath the surface.

Back to my story. After saying, “No,” it hit me. Really? Why “No”? I’ve always thought it might be kind of cool to have a torch too. I’ve never gotten to hold one. I’ve only seen them in the movies. It is just a sock. We’re talking a few dollars to have an experience. How many of you have actually created your own torch? I don’t mean just putting a stick in the fire, I mean a real, honest to goodness torch that light’s up the night like a flashlight. The kind they use on Lost.

I backed up and said, “You know what, Tessa. Let’s make a torch.” Then I was in on the fun. I took some lighter fluid and completely soaked the sock. We stuck it in the flame and we had a torch. Tessa was excited. All the kids were chomping at the bit, “I want to hold it. I want to hold it.” I got to hold it too. We learned something. Torches that seem to last for hours in the movies would leave you lost in the dark in real life (unless they have some other kind of fluid to burn that lasts longer). Our torch only lasted about five minutes. But it sure was fun. The next night when we were burning another group of limbs, I was at the ready for a torch for each child. What a blast. The neighborhood kids got a kick out of it too.

The lesson for me in all of this was that “No” doesn’t have to be the default. Maybe “Yes” could start being the default. Maybe my first thought should be, “Yeah, that sounds like fun.” Then I have to think it through and see if there is a real reason to say “No.” To be sure, there will be plenty of reasons to say “No.” Something might be too dangerous, too costly, not enough time, not the right time, too mature, too immature, too hurtful, or just plain against the rules.  There will be plenty of time to say, “No.” If my kids ask to play dodge brick, I can say “No.” If they want to hang on to the hood of the car while we drive down the interstate, I’ll probably say, “No” (although that one is kind of tempting). If they want me to spend more money that we can budget on a television or some other gadget,  I can say, “No.” But it doesn’t have to be the default just because I’m too lazy to think up a reason not to do it.

I’m going to try this new approach and see how it works. My default is going to be, “Yes,” and I’ll have to think up a reason to say, “No,” instead of the other way around. Why don’t you try this for a while and see what it does for your family?

Weep with Your Children Who Weep

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crying child by dj hansLast night was an all-time high for me. I was faced with a choice and I think I made the right one. We attempted to go to the movies on Valentines day. It was absolutely packed. We left. So, yesterday I told the boys I would take them to the movies, just them and Dad. It was going to be great. That is, until we got in the car and started to head north to Franklin and discovered the snow had started to stick and was making the roads very slippery. It was coming down torrentially (can snow come in torrents or is that just rain). I was sure it would be much worse in three hours when it came time to come home. So we just made the loop and went back home.

 

Ethan, who really wanted to see this movie, having already read the book, was crushed. Two days in a row of getting his hopes up and then getting them dashed at the last possible moment was just more than his ten-year-old psyche could handle. He started crying.

 

Now, my selfish, hardnosed self wanted to say, “Buck up. Don’t you realize this is small potatoes? Don’t you understand that we’ll see the movie later? Quit crying.” But God must have been doing for me what I can’t do for myself. In that moment, I remembered Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” It doesn’t say tell the weeping that what upsets them is unimportant. It doesn’t say simply try to cheer them up. It doesn’t say discount why they are weeping. It doesn’t say tell them to stop weeping or tell them to buck up. It says weep with those who weep. With that verse in mind I tried to understand what it must be like to have your heart set on something and two days in a row have it come crashing down. It may not be a big deal to me, but it is to him. I tried to think of some scenario in which I would be just as disappointed and sad. I can think of the time I was going to get to see all my friends from Beaumont after doing some preaching in Houston but a hurricane came through and we were all fleeing for our lives. I was extremely sad. I remember being crushed. It was nobody’s fault, that’s just the way it was, but I was so upset about it.

 

When we got home, I took Ethan to my room, sat in the lazyboy we have up there, and just held him as he cried. I’m very glad that my son feels safe enough with me to let his emotions show. I’m very glad that he was willing to let me hold him and console him. We were able to talk about how life is just disappointing sometimes and its okay to be sad. He then wanted to go see his mom and I let him.

 

That was a victory for me. I hope the next time one of my children cry, I can have the same Romans 12:15 mindset.