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Love

5 Keys for Pursuing the Actions of Love

June 23, 2009 by Edwin Crozier Leave a Comment

We’ve been learning about the importance of cleaning up our side of the street and four keys to accomplishing that goal. However, we can only keep our side of the street clean by pursuing actions of love in all our relationships. In fact, that was step 4 of keeping our side of the street clean.

The burning question is how? How do we pursue the actions of love in all our relationships. Let me share 5 keys that will help you pursue the actions of love in all your relationships.

Key #1: Give, don’t take.

Sadly, the number one way we junk up our side of the street is by taking from others. Perhaps we cheat someone in a business deal. Perhaps we lie to them to get our way. Perhaps we lust after them and store their image in our minds for our own purposes. Perhaps we manipulate them to get what we want. When we are bound by self we take and take and take. We may never actually steal something physically from them, but we are taking from others all the time.

All the stuff we take goes somewhere. It goes right on our side of the street. How do we get rid of all that? Change the very nature of our relationships. Instead of viewing others for what we can get from them, we need to see what we can give to them. We need to give and not take. 

Give time. Give support. Give love. Give prayers. Give money. Give material things. Give honesty. Give honor. Give credit. Give whatever you can, to whoever you can, whenever you can.

Key #2: Serve, don’t rule

Too many of us walk around like despots of our own little kingdom, acting as if everyone in our family, on our job, at our school, in our neighborhood is here to support and serve us. When we do, relationships run amok. Our street is junked up by all the wounded people we have tread on in our attempts to be the king of the hill.

Taking the actions of love means serving instead of ruling. Taking the actions of love means going out of our way to help others. When someone asks for help, don’t roll your eyes, exhale your frustration, or passive aggressively rebel. Just do it. Do it because you love them. View it as an excellent opportunity to show them you care.

But don’t always wait until they ask for help. Find ways you can serve. If you look around the house and see a mess, don’t get upset at everyone else who hasn’t cleaned up. Just clean up and show love. Is something broken? Don’t start a witch hunt to find the culprit, just fix it. Yes, yes, I do understand that while dealing with children there is a time to teach them about cleaning up and not breaking things. But even then, make sure your attitude is not one of getting vengeance on them, but rather one of serving them by helping them grow to maturity.

Key #3: Sacrifice

We take giving to a new level here. This means giving even when it hurts. This means taking of our own and giving to others. 

Maybe we don’t want to watch the game, go to the store, eat at that restaurant, watch the kids, etc. That is when we are really put to the test about pursuing the actions of love. When we go to the opposite of our selfish nature, we are going to be sacrificing a lot. We may not get everything we want. We may give up some of our precious time. We may not achieve all our desires. 

Jesus said the greatest love is to lay down our lives for a friend. That is the ultimate sacrifice. Many of us claim we would lay down our lives for our friends and family. Yet, we won’t even take the trash out for them. We won’t give up our favorite tv show to help them. We won’t take the time to drive across town to give them a lift. If we won’t give up a few minutes of our life for them, what makes us think we would give up our entire lives for them. 

Key #4: Acts as if

The hardest part is there are times when we just don’t feel the love for all these other people. Perhaps they have hurt us. Or perhaps our selfishness is just kicking in and instead of demonstrating love we’d rather lick our wounds, defend ourselves, pursue our rage. This is time for one of those great pieces of advice that helps in numerous ways. Act as if. 

Act as if you loved them. In other words, don’t act the way you feel. Stop and ask, “If I actually loved this person, what would I do next?” Then do that, whether you feel it or not.

Good strong feelings of love will grow if you pursue the actions of love. If you are going to wait around for the right feeling, you are probably going to be in big trouble.

Key #5: Do all of this without expectations

Here is the real clincher that makes any and all of this a true action of love. Do it without expectations. If you are only doing these things because you expect something in return, you are pursuing actions of manipulation, not love.

Fix the leaky faucet without expecting a thank you. Cook supper and clean up the kitchen without expecting accolades of praise. Offer praise and honor to others without expecting them to return the favor. Guys, clean up after the kids without expecting your wife to pay you back in the bedroom later. Pursue the actions of love without expecting everyone else to pursue actions of love with you.

I have no doubt that in most cases, when you pursue actions of love, you relationships will improve. You will be noticed. You will be praised. But if that is the only reason you are doing these things, it will be short lived. It will be especially short lived because you won’t likely make it out of the phase in which everyone else is saying, “What on earth do you want?” At first, everyone will assume you are manipulating them. But if you keep it up because you weren’t expecting anything, some of your relationships will really change for the better.

A friend once told me that expectations are just premeditated resentment. The fact is, expectations are actually us working on someone else’s side of the street. We expect them to have a clean street. When they don’t we get bitter. Don’t go down that side of the road. Stay on your side.

Of course, I need to offer the caveat to those who are on the receiving end. Even though the one pursuing actions of love is not doing this to receive a thank you, be noticed, or get rewarded. You really should at least say thank you. If you don’t, then you aren’t pursuing actions of love, are you?

If you want great relationships, quit trying to fix everyone else. Clean up your side of the street. Pursue actions of love no matter what anyone else is doing. I can’t promise every relationship will be stellar. However, you will have the serenity of knowing that you are working on and growing in what is right.

Filed Under: A Springboard for Your Family Life, Love, Personal Responsibility Tagged With: Love, peace, Relationships, serenity

Going All the Way

December 16, 2008 by Edwin Crozier Leave a Comment

I had an awesome and awful weekend all rolled into one. Had an awesome weekend studying prayer with some brethren in Chillicothe. But I got really, really sick and that was awful. I don’t think I have been that sick since I was in college. Because of the sickness, I didn’t get to travel home until yesterday and so we missed this week’s Springboard for Your Spiritual Life. We’ll get that back next week. 

I don’t know if what I want to share today is much of a Springboard or if it is just something to share. But I want to share it.

I learned a great lesson this week. Mark and Sharon Hatfield were great hosts to the sick and afflicted. At about 3:30 on Saturday morning, I had to wake Mark up and get some help. After several bouts in the bathroom with my sickness, I was getting weak and feared being dehydrated. I couldn’t find the bottled water or any Gatorade. So I woke him up.

For about 4 hours, I had been sick all alone. I’m not sure I have ever missed my wife as much as I did in those hours. Of course, it’s not like she has miraculous powers to heal. But usually when I’m sick, she’s there. She says comforting things. She sympathizes. She puts a cold rag on my neck. She puts up with my whining and moaning as if I’m on death’s door.

For about 4 hours, no one was there but me and the toilet.

What’s the point in all this? 

I was once again impressed with the reality of the greatness of marriage and love. I remember when I was a teenager and looking forward to marriage. Sadly, my big thought was “I’ll finally get to go ‘all the way.'” For some reason, even Christians, especially as young people, seem to have the idea that marriage is mostly about sex. The fact is, going all the way in a relationship isn’t about sex. If that is your idea of going all the way, you haven’t even gone halfway. In fact, you probably haven’t even scratched the surface of what God really has planned for great relationships. Going all the way in a relationship is about being there through thick and thin. When the wallet is empty and month is left, going all the way is helping each other through. When family members are dying and our emotional well is run dry, going all the way is about being a shoulder to lean on and cry on. Going all the way means loving someone so much when they’re sick you’re right there beside them no matter how gross or painful it is.

The fact is, I never dreamed I would be thankful for my wife because she is there when I’m puking my guts out. However, I guarantee, I’ll never take that for granted again. 

So, don’t think a great relationship is based on looks. Let’s face it, how many Hollywood marriages between hunks and hotties fail every day. A great relationship is not one made up of steamy sex between hot bodies. A great relationship is one where a husband and wife will be there to serve and support even when the other is in its most unattractive position like running at both ends while acting like a big baby.

I grew to love my wife more this weekend and I just want to say a big thank you to her. I found out this weekend what she really does provide for me even when I’m not really thinking about it.

I hope you can say the same about your spouse.

Filed Under: A Springboard for Your Family Life, Love, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: going all the way, husband, real love, Relationships, sick, true love, wife

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