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God's Way for Our Family

What Is a Real Man? Help Me Out, Please

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Last week I shared my book review of Robert Lewis’s Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood. I am all kinds of excited about the ideas I’m getting because of reading this book.

However, as I start making plans for me and my boys, I don’t want to simply rely on one man’s assessment of manhood. I’d like to get your ideas also. I’ve got several questions I want to get your input on. Today I’ll start with just one.

In the book, Lewis suggests that we develop a vision of real manhood that we can pass on to our boys. What are the over-arching principles that govern how a real man lives?

Help me out here. In your mind, what is a real man?

Ladies, I’d like your help on this too. What kind of man do you look to as a true knight in shining armor?

I look forward to your help. You can give your input by clicking here.

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This post does contain affiliate links. If you’d like to learn more about Lewis’s vision of manhood for his boys, make sure you check out his book. Click the link below.

Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Book Review

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What is a man? Have you thought about it? Have you told your son about it? Have you modeled it for him? Have you paved the way for him to be one?

That is the crux of Robert Lewis’s book, “Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood*.” I know I’m a little late on this train. The book is 13 years old and was revamped, updated, and expanded 3 years ago. However, I first learned about it last Thursday. I finished it on Saturday. That may tell you something.

Fathers and Grandfathers alike need to read this book in which Lewis relates a journey he and three friends travelled together in their own personal manhood and that of training their boys to be men. The basis of their plan is to resurrect knighthood. In the middle ages, a certain class of men received specific training to be men. When they started developing into men, they were assigned a mentor, becoming his page. They progressed to being a squire. Eventually, if they pursued their training well, they were dubbed a knight. The most profound aspect of this was none of these men had to question whether or not they had become a man, a knight. They knew it. They had seen knighthood modeled. They had been trained to be a knight. They had been inducted without equivocation into the ranks of knighthood.

Our society seems to be missing that today. Boys rarely see a vision cast for manhood. They are infrequently trained in any way to be a man. What most get today is a government-run education whose only goal is to supposedly prepare them to have a job someday (probably so they can pay taxes). Further, they are inundated and pummeled with media images of pathetic manhood as fathers have become the butt of most sitcom jokes. They are left to wonder even after they have left home and stepped out into the world to care for themselves whether or not they have ever become a real man.

What we need today is a brotherhood of knights. Men who have been taught what being a man looks like. Men who have been taught what a real man acts like. Men who have seen modeled how real men treat others, especially women. Lewis sets forth a plan of action tested and tried in the crucible of his own fatherhood.

In this book, he establishes a four-pronged vision of manhood, a three-legged code of conduct, and an over-arching transcendent cause to accomplish. Finally, he spikes the whole concept home by showing how to make this process unmistakably clear to your boys through the use of a series of ceremonies as they grow up to manhood, knighthood.

This book only scratches the surface. As I considered my own plans, mostly prompted by this book, I felt that it didn’t go far enough. But at the same time, it seems that having this plan, even if it didn’t seem to directly declare as much as I wanted it to about real manhood, ended up getting the job done better than I’ve been doing. Of course, that may be why Lewis has a ton of other stuff on manhood and raising boys. Additionally, while the book mentions baptism as a great ceremony, it neglects to demonstrate its essential nature to salvation and being in Christ. Further, the whole concept is predicated on the ideal theory of chivalry and knighthood, while it glosses over the real savagery and immorality committed by many knights. Someone buying into this idea may do more study on knighthood and find himself disgusted rather than uplifted.

Having said that, I’m excited about what I got from this book. I’m excited about bringing back the ideal of knighthood and the theory of chivalry. I’m excited to pass this book on to other fathers. I’m excited to start developing my own community of knights. I’m excited to start casting a vision with my boys of real manhood. This book will not be the end-all be-all of manhood, and I don’t think Lewis expects it to be. But it will be the springboard to propel me on a journey that I think will benefit my family, my boys, even my girls, and me.

I’d like to invite you on that same journey. If you are looking for a plan to help you raise your boys into men, I suggest you start right here.

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*Yes, this post contains affiliate links. If I’m going to raise my boys to manhood, it is going to take some fundage. Help a father out. Click on the links and purchase the book. You’ll be helping you and me at the same time. Thanks. By the way, in case you missed it. Here is another affiliate link to help you purchase the book.

Am I Training My Children to Follow Me or Lead Themselves?

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This past Sunday, I was teaching a class on leadership. The whole crux of the lesson was “Good leaders develop followers; Great leaders develop other leaders.” That seems so profound in the congregational setting. But then it hit me. What about my kids? Am I training them to be followers or leaders.

Now I know where your mind just went. You thought I was talking about whether or not they will follow the crowd at school or whether they will lead the crowd. While that is good point too, I was actually thinking of where I may have a deeper problem in child-rearing.

Am I training my children simply to follow me or am I empowering them to be able to lead themselves?

Am I training them to do what they think is right or am I training them to do what I think is right? Am I empowering them to think for themselves or am I squelching their creativity? Are they ever allowed to disagree with me? Should they be allowed to disagree with me? Or am I teaching them to simply step in line behind me?

I don’t want my children to simply be followers, even if they are just following me. Yes, I want to positively influence them. But, really, I want them to be leaders. That may mean they don’t stay in lockstep behind me.

So, how do I help train them to be leaders?

Let me know what you think.

31 Ways to Pray for Your Kids

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Thanks to Jason Hardin for reposting this. I thought I would pass it along too.

If you’re a parent, perhaps you can relate to these words by Bob Hostetler:

For years, like any responsible Christian parent, I prayed daily for my two children, Aubrey and Aaron.  I prayed for God’s blessing and protection throughout their days.  I prayed for them to be happy.  I asked God to help them through difficult times and to help them make wise choices.  My prayers were regular, heartfelt, and—for the most part—pedestrian and repetitive.

I wanted more than that, however.  I wanted so much for my children, but when I knelt in prayer, I invariably found the same tired words rolling from my lips, like an adult whose table grace never progressed beyond “God is great, God is good, now we thank him for this food…”

So Bob developed his own “parent prayer program,” a simple practice that revolutionized the way he prays for his children.  Each day of the month, in addition to his prayers for their safety and for the concerns of that day, he also prays for a specific character trait, virtue, or fruit of the Spirit to be planted and nurtured in his children through his efforts (and his wife’s), through the influence of others, and through his children’s own actions and decisions.  At the end of each month, he begins praying through the list again.

I really appreciate Bob sharing his plan and inviting others to “duplicate it—or improve upon it—to help you pray specifically and purposefully for your children.”  Below is a slightly adapted list I plan on adopting for my own prayer life.

  1. Salvation – “Father, my heart’s desire and prayer to you is that my children may be saved, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory” (Rom 10:1;  2 Tim 2:10).
  2. Growth in grace – “I pray that they may grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Pet 3:18).
  3. Love – “Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” (Eph 5:2).
  4. Honesty and integrity – “May integrity and honesty preserve and protect them” (Psa 25:21).
  5. Self-control – “Father, help my children not to be like so many others around them, but let them be alert and sober in all that they do” (1 Thes 5:6)
  6. A love for God’s Word – “May my children grow to treasure your Word as more precious than gold and sweeter than honey” (Psa 19:10).
  7. Justice – “God, help my children to love righteousness as you do and to act justly in all that they do” (Psa 11:7; Mic 6:8).
  8. Mercy – “May my children always be merciful, even as their heavenly Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36).
  9. Respect – “Father, grant that my children may show proper respect for authority, for themselves, and for others” (1 Pet 2:17).
  10. Strong, Biblical self-esteem – “Help my children develop a strong sense of self-worth that is rooted in the realization that they are your workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works” (Eph 2:10).
  11. Faithfulness – “Let love and faithfulness never leave my children, but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablet of their hearts” (Prov 3:3).
  12. Courage – “May my children always be strong and courageous in their character and in their actions” (Deut 31:6).
  13. Purity – “Create in them a pure heart, O God, and let their purity of heart be shown in their actions” (Psa 51:10).
  14. Kindness – “Lord, may my children always seek to do good to one another and to everyone” (1 Thes 5:15).
  15. Generosity – “Grant that my children may be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future” (1 Tim 6:18-19).
  16. Peace and peaceability – “Father, help my children pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Rom 14:19).
  17. Joy – “May my children eagerly receive your Word and be filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit’” (1 Thes 1:6).
  18. Perseverance – “Lord, teach my children steadfastness in all that they do, and help them to run with endurance the race that is set before them” (Heb 12:1).
  19. Humility – “God, please cultivate in my children the ability to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people (Tit 3:2).
  20. Compassion – “Lord, please clothe my children with the virtue of compassionate hearts” (Col 3:12).
  21. Responsibility – “Grant that my children may learn to faithfully bear their own load as dedicated stewards, for your glory” (Gal 6:5).
  22. Contentment – “Father, help my children learn the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need, through Christ who can strengthen them in any and every circumstance” (Phil 4:12-13).
  23. Faith – “I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children’s hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them” (Luke 17:5-6; Heb 11:1).
  24. A servant’s heart – “God, please help my children do your will from their hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly, as to you and not to men” (Eph 6:7).
  25. Hope – “May you, the God of hope, fill my children and make them overflow with hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Rom 15:13).
  26. Patience – “Do whatever you must, faithful Father, to help my children develop patience in well-doing as they seek for glory and honor and immortality” (Rom 2:7).
  27. A passion for God – “Help my children to learn that your steadfast love is better than life and that the greatest joy is found when our souls cling passionately to you (Psa 63:3,8).
  28. Self-discipline – “Father, I pray that my children would develop discipline to consistently seek your wise instructions, that they may walk in ways that are right and just and fair” (Prov 1:3).
  29. Prayerfulness – “Grant, Lord, that my children’s lives would be marked by prayerfulness, that they would pray at all occasions with all kinds of supplications and requests” (Eph 6:18).
  30. Gratitude – “Help my children to live lives that overflow with thankfulness, giving you thanks always and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Col 2:7; Eph 5:20).
  31. A heart for evangelism – “Heavenly Father, help my children to develop hearts for the spread of the gospel, a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all the peoples” (Psa 96:3).

What about you?  Could a similar approach to prayer supplement your efforts to bring your own children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? (Eph 6:4)

Helicopter Parenting: What Do You Think?

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Regrettably, ABC won’t let this video be embedded (I’m still wondering when these folks are going to get with the program and recognize allowing this stuff to be passed on only helps them). Anyway, check out the video at the following YouTube link.

Helicopter Moms: Hurting or Helping Kids

Then, let’s talk about it.

Helicopter parenting: What do you think?

Have a Personal Bible Study with Your Kids

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I guess it’s been a couple of months ago now that my wife asked me to start having Bible studies with each of the kids. My initial thought was, “What? Are you kidding me? Do you know how much work I have to do each day?” I couldn’t believe she was asking me to add this in to my day. Sure, I want to have some family time in the Word each week, but add in three Bible studies?

I wondered if she had forgotten that we had just moved to work with a new congregation. I was busy trying to meet people. I was establishing new studies with people, trying to visit with guests in the congregation. Not to mention we had moved from a congregation in which I had to preach once a week and now have to preach twice (I know, I know, most of you other preachers are playing the violin and weeping for me). How could she ask me to do this?

I was conflicted. In fact, I felt guilty. I knew this should be something I wanted to do. After all, I am the dad. My job is to lead my family. My job is to raise my kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But at first, all I could see was the sacrifice of my time and how it would get in they way of my “job.”

Then something hit me. If one of my neighbors called up and asked for a Bible study, I would be all over that. If a visitor in the church asked for a study, I would jump at the chance. If anybody in the congregation asked me to have a study with their family and their children, I’d be making all kinds of room in my schedule. Why? That’s my job. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. I study the Bible with people. I’m always looking for opportunities to do that.

Suddenly it became clear. I now have three opportunities to study every week with someone. These three people are extremely important to me. I want them to serve God more than I want anyone else to. Why on earth would I get upset about scheduling time with them to study the Word? Now, no matter what, I get to have at least three Bible studies per week. I get to share God’s word with three people. Sometimes we get a lot out of it. Sometimes it is a struggle. But this is my life. It’s what I do. I can hardly believe I was ready to miss out on the opportunity just because I was having a skewed perspective.

I bring all this up because I’ve met a lot of dads (and moms) who bemoan the fact that they have always wanted to be able to teach someone the gospel, to have personal work or evangelistic studies and help others get to heaven. They are sincere about that, but they consistently overlook the very people God gave them to teach.

Why not set up your first weekly Bible study? Why not do it with your children? You can do it with them as a group or work with each of them individually. Either way, if you’re looking for someone to share the gospel with, why not do it with your kids. They need it too.

And remember, God’s way works for your family.