Edwin Crozier

Do Not Boast or Be Arrogant–Love Yourself

August 9, 2010 by Edwin Crozier 1 Comment

(If you’ve stumbled across thist post, let me explain where you are. You have landed smack in the middle of one of my favorite series ever. We started some time ago by learning that God expects us to love ourselves. Now, we’re going through the definition of love in I Corinthians 13:4-7 to help us understand how we can love ourselves in a healthy way so can love others better. Go back to that first post to read the series from the beginning and to find an index of all the posts available. Enjoy today’s post as well.)

Do Not Boast or Be Arrogant–Love Yourself

Perhaps this shocks you. Generally when we think of those who love themselves, we think of boasting and arrogance. However, this demonstrates that loving ourselves as God loves us and the way we are to love others is not about being self-infatuated, self-centered, or selfish. Healthy love for ourselves doesn’t boast and isn’t arrogant.

When we see the Pharisee in Luke 18:11-12, we say, “That man’s problem is he loves himself too much.”

God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.

Despite how self-promoting that was, that is not a healthy love for self. Rather, it is a shallow approach to self. This man didn’t have a healthy love for himself because of any innate value as a creation and child of God. In fact, he did himself a disservice while not even realizing it. He only saw himself as worth anything based on how he compared to others. In this case, he saw himself as better than others, which is certainly a sinful attitude. However, it establishes a terrible groundrule by which to judge self. What would happen when he came across someone to whom he didn’t compare?

Loving ourselves in a healthy way is recognizing the innate value we have as a creation of God who is fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Loving ourselves in a healthy way is recognizing the innate value we have because God loves us no matter who we are or what we’ve done (I John 4:19). Loving ourselves in a helathy way is recognizing the innate value we have because we are in the same boat as everyone else around us (Romans 3:23).

When we begin to pervert our healthy love into self-infatuation through boasting and arrogance as if our innate value originates from us and what we do rather than from God and what He has done in us, then we have ceased to love ourselves properly and will not be able to love others properly.

Boast in God, not self. You are worth far more than the shallow comparisons with other people whether those comparisons lead you to envy, as we discussed last week, or to boasting and arrogance. Don’t sacrifice the truly healthy love God has granted you for that shallow pretense of real love.

Don’t boast or be arrogant, instead love yourself as God has loved you.

ELC

(Remember to come back next Monday as we learn that we can love ourselves instead of being rude.)

Let’s Get Practical about Cherishing Our Wives

August 3, 2010 by Edwin Crozier 2 Comments

I’m reading Jim Burns’ book, Creating an Intimate Marriage. (Yes, that is an affiliate link. Go ahead and click on it. While working on your marriage, you’ll be helping mine.) I’d like to share a paragraph from chapter 5, “Becoming a Better Communicator with Your Spouse.”

It took me a very long time in my marriage to understand that Cathy didn’t need me to fix her problems. All she wanted was for me to care. My natural tendency is to be a fix-it person. I would get fully engaged with whatever her problem was and immediately start looking for the cure. What Cathy would rather have had was a sympathetic hug and a sense that I understood and cared about her. After I became comfortable in not always trying to be her fix-it man, I realized it was much easier on our relationship to simply let her know I value her feelings.

I’m sure, husbands, this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this. It wasn’t for me either. But even though I’ve heard this over and over and over again, I keep missing it. Somehow, I think it is my job to fix her or her problems. I want to be her knight in shining armor who rides in to sweep her away from all that troubles her, destroying her would-be attackers with my cleverness. But my job is not to fix her. That is God’s job. My job is nourish and cherish her (Ephesians 5:28-29).

When my wife is stressed about about something, even if it causes her to blow up at me, what is my job? Is my job to point out all the things she did wrong that caused this? That may be my natural reaction, but that is not my job. My job is to let her know that she is really doing a great job as a wife and mother, to let her know that what she feels is valid and acceptable, and to let her know that I love her anyway. I can do that through my words or my actions or, preferably, both.

When I come home and she’s had a bad day with the kids (imagine that, having a tough day because you’re dealing with a 13-year-old, a 10-year-old, an 8-year-old, and a 2-year-old) and she starts unloading her frustrations, my natural reaction is to get defensive and start unloading back or to try to calmly explain what she did wrong all day to cause all this frustration. Guess what I’ve learned. Neither of those options ever work. First, it doesn’t relieve her frustration. Second, it doesn’t bring us closer. Third, it usually ruins the whole evening. Fourth, even on the rare occassion when I’m right about why she is frustrated, it doesn’t help her at all. Yet, over and over again, that is the way I respond. Has anyone read that definition about insanity lately?

So, here’s what I’m going to start trying to do. Hold me accountable on this one fellows (and ladies). When that happens, I want to give my wife a big hug. I want to let her cry on my shoulder if that is what she’s feeling. I want to let her know that I can tell things have been tough for her and I’m sorry about that. I want to let her know that I love her and I really do think she is a great wife and mother (I do think that). I want to see if I can take something off of her plate so the rest of her day can be easier. And I’m going to do all of that without expecting anything* in return.

What do you think? Do you think that might have a better impact on our marriage? I’m guessing it will. The fact is, my wife is pretty smart. She doesn’t generally need me to fix her problems. She can usually come up with pretty good solutions on her own. She just needs someone to let her know that having a bad day doesn’t mean she’s a bad wife and mother. It means she’s pretty normal and I love her anyway.

Alright guys, who will take on this challenge with me? Let’s quit trying to fix our wives and start turn our great ability to fix things on to fixing how we treat our wives even when they don’t act exactly the way we want.

Have a great day and remember God’s way really does work for your family.

ELC

*When I say anything, I really mean sex.

Do Not Envy Others–Love Yourself

August 2, 2010 by Edwin Crozier 2 Comments

Do Not Envy Others: Love Yourself

A really good way to trash yourself is to constantly look at others and compare. On the one hand, you have envy. We’ll talk about the other hand next week.

Envy is wishing we were someone else. We want what they have. We want their talents, their resources, their gifts, their relationships, their abilities, their stuff. We don’t want ours. We convince ourselves that they are better. By default, we are worse. A great deal of self-trash talking is bound up in envy.

We can really be envious of the peace and serenity others seem to have. They don’t seem to have the problems we have. Their family seems to be perfect. Their job pays them lots of money. Their life is good while ours is in shambles.

Newsflash: In many cases, they’re thinking the exact same thing about you. Let me tell you about Mary and Heather (I’ve changed the names to preserve reputations). I can still remember when Mary was confiding in me one day about her struggle with Heather. Heather had her life all together. Things seemed to just be easy for her. Mary was sure that Heather had to know how messed up she was and was looking down her nose at her. The truly odd thing was within a week of that conversation I had almost the exact same story from Heather about Mary. Mary had her life all together. Things were easy for her. Her family was so good. Heather was sure Mary was looking down at her. Both of these sisters were filled with envy. What was sad is the envy stopped them from loving themselves and from being able to love each other.

The fact is everyone has problems. Romans 3:23 says we’ve all sinned. I don’t care who you are looking at, they are in the exact same boat as you. There is no need to envy them. It doesn’t matter how much money they have, they are a sinner in need of a Savior just like you are. It doesn’t matter how nice their family is, they are a sinner in need of a Savior just like you are. It doesn’t matter what abilities they have that you don’t, they are a sinner in need of a Savior just like you are. Why envy them? They are just like you. By their own strength, their life is in shambles just like yours is when run by your strength.

Further, I Corinthians 12:15-17 explains that we are different for a reason. God created us to accomplish the work He wants us to do. He used the physical body as an illustration. Feet do what feet do, not what hands do. Does it make sense for feet to envy the hand or vice versa? Does it make sense for either of them to think they are worthless simply because they can’t do what the other does? Of course not. Feet need to do what feet were made to do. Hands need to do what hands were made to do. You need to do what you were made to do.

Revel in that. Enjoy it. Give glory to God and thanksgiving for what He has given you to do. If you didn’t do it, who would? Don’t get caught up in how it seems to compare to anyone else’s job. Sure, we all want to be the rock star. We think if we aren’t the one singing on the stage what we are doing is worthless. How far do you think the rock star would get without the person who runs the sound board?

Don’t waste your time on envy. We’ve all got issues even if we won’t all share them. We’ve all got our job; God made us that way.

Love yourself; don’t envy.

(Make sure you come back next Monday to talk about that other hand. Loving ourselves means not boasting or being arrogant.)

The Jerusalem Church (Part 7): The Vision–Getting the Workers Needed

July 29, 2010 by Edwin Crozier 3 Comments

(If you landed on this post without seeing the others in this series, let me explain what is going on here. Thursdays is my day to talk about God’s way for our congregations. Right now I’m in the middle of a series on the Jerusalem church and it’s success. This is the seventh post in the series. I encourage you to check out the introduction to this series to know more about what is going on and to find an index of the posts in this series as they are put up. Enjoy.)

Getting the Workers Needed

Once again it is too easy to get trapped in numbers. As we learn more and more about the Jerusalem church, I’m going to repeatedly come back to the fact that the Jerusalem church had 12 full-time workers, 12 evangelists if you will. Someone might mistakenly think that means to really arrive at being a congregation, the vision is to have 12 evangelists or workers. But that isn’t the point at all. The Jerusalem vision is simply to have the workers that are needed.

As we learned last week, the vision is not to have enough hired hands to do the work, but to have all hands working. And yet, while all hands are working, a congregation will still need fulltime workers, those who have completely devoted their lives to the work of the Lord within the congregation. This goes along with Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 4:11-12. While every hand is to be working, God has established certain roles to equip the saints to accomplish their work. These are fulltime workers. The scripture even shows that they can be supported by the congregation to fulfill their work (I Corinthians 9:9).

Antioch had the same idea about multiple workers. According to Acts 13:1, the Antioch church had 5 fulltime teachers. But again, the issue isn’t about the exact number. This is not saying that Antioch was on its way to accomplishing the Jerusalem vision, but hadn’t quite made it yet because it didn’t have as many workers. They were accomplishing the vision because they had the workers needed.

This vision was exemplified by Barnabas in Acts 11:25. Barnabas saw the need for another worker. He went and got him and brought him back to Antioch. To fulfill the Jerusalem vision, each congregation needs to work on having the workers needed.

Let’s face it. Our society has changed over the past fifty years. The work that can be accomplished by an evangelist, a handful of elders and few volunteers has diminished. More women are working. Men are working more hours. Families are involved in more extra-curriculars. There is simply less volunteer time. Yes, everyone of us must work in the church. But, as the pace of our society has increased, so has our need for fulltime workers to train and equip workers and organize and implement the work.

Of course, few of us really have a problem with trying to claim we ought to have 12 full-time workers. Most of us simply can’t imagine having more than one, at most two. The thing we need to see here is that the work for these men is more than preaching a sermon on Sunday. Paul taught from house to house according to Acts 20:20. Can you imagine if more Christians recognized they needed more teaching time than a few congregational assemblies a week and opened their homes for teaching, inviting others in from the congregation and the community, how much work would there be?

What work is really needed? How many workers will that take? To be like Jerusalem, a congregation better get the workers otherwise it will limit its ability to grow.

(Come back next Thursday to learn about the Jerusalem vision of being a closer knit family.)

The Challenge to Love and Serve Your Wife

July 27, 2010 by Edwin Crozier 2 Comments

*Warning: Affiliate links abound in this post. Click one. I dare you.

Alright guys, the challenge has been laid down. The guantlet is thrown. Who will rise up to meet the challenge.

Melanie Chitwood had blown me away with her book, What a Wife Needs from Her Husband. She shared what Gary Chapman said in his reflection found in The Transformation of a Man’s Heart. I have to share it with you here.

“My goal through all these years has been to serve my wife so well that when I’m gone, she won’t find another man who’ll treat her the way I’ve treated her. The woman is going to miss me!”

There it is guys.

Who among you is man enough to take this on with your wife? I haven’t done such a great job on this with my wife. But I’m going to start right now. Who will join me?

For futher reading:

I guess I also need to get:

Nourish and Cherish Yourself, Love Yourself

July 26, 2010 by Edwin Crozier 1 Comment

Nourish and Cherish Yourself

We are allowed to love ourselves. We are allowed to be kind to ourselves. Before we move to the next item in Paul’s list of love in I Corinthians 13:4-7 (“love does not envy”), let’s notice another passage that talks about the kindness God hasn’t commanded we have for ourselves; He simply expects it of us.

Ephesians 5:28-29 says:

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

That is somewhat eye-opening. God expects that we will all nourish and cherish ourselves. That is part of the kindness we are allowed to have for ourselves.

Nourishment

The word here means to “bring up” and is also used in Ephesians 6:4. In the context of Ephesians 5:29, it highlights a physical care that allows the body to mature and grow. God expects us all to provide for the Physical Nourishment of our bodies. We make sure that we eat. We make sure that we get in out of the elements. We quickly resolve a problem if the body is harmed in some way.

We are allowed to do this. We are allowed to nourish ourselves. We are allowed to provide what our body needs to keep growing and keep living. We are allowed to provide what we need to be healthy. The fact is, if we don’t provide for those things, how can we be of service to any others?

Something I’m trying to focus on lately is this very aspect of nourishing my body. What I’m learning is I’m a beloved child of God. He loves me just as I am. He has set me free from my sins, my doubts, my fears, my anxieties. I no longer have to turn to food for my comfort and serenity. I can turn to Him. That means I can not only provide my body with food, but I actually have the freedom to provide it with healthy food and healthy, nourishing choices that allow me to love others better because I’m healthier.

For too many years, I’ve actually punished myself with food. Because of low self-esteem or self-worth, I set up a cycle of eating to produce the kind of body I thought I deserved as an undisciplined, loser. But now I see that God loves me. I’m His child. He doesn’t see me as an undisciplined loser. He sees me as a beloved son who deserves better. I don’t have to punish myself with unhealthy habits. I can make healthier choices. This isn’t about disciplined sacrifice. This is simply about being kind to myself and nourishing myself.

No, that doesn’t mean no more pizza or chocolate ice cream. It simply means I don’t have to turn to those for peace in a tumultuous world. I have a God who is my rock, fortress, strong and mighty tower. I don’t need cake or pizza for that. Now I’m free to eat in order to nourish my body instead of trying to rely on it to comfort my spirit. Those unhealthier choices get to be a part of a spectrum of choices I get to make because of this freedom.

You are allowed to nourish yourself. You are allowed to love yourself.

Cherishment

Is that a word? It is now.

Not only does God expect us to care for the health of our physical bodies, He expects us to care for the health of our emotional selves. This word means to keep warm or provide tender care. The other place it is used in the Bible is I Thessalonians 2:7. How do you expect a nursing mother to take care of her children? That is exactly what God expects us to do for ourselves. In fact, that is part of maturing, learning to move from the dependence on our parents to provide this kind of cherishing to learning to gain that emotional serenity on our own. And then to be able to reach out to develop our own relationship of choice and find cherishing from a loving husband or wife.

Let me ask you a question. God expects you to cherish yourself. Do you? When you talk to yourself, what do you say? Do you edify yourself and build yourself up or do you tear yourself down? Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Even if the only one hearing is you. If you talked to anyone else the way you talk to yourself, would they confuse that with nourishing them?

Picture yourself in a medieval kingdom. You are in the court when some person approaches the prince or princess and simply begins to berate and belittle them. “You are the ugliest princess I’ve ever seen.” “You are the dumbest prince I’ve ever laid eyes on.” “What a loser you are.” “You are the most pathetic member of the royal family.” “Why, look at the size of you. Only a pathetic loser would weigh as much as you.” “Why, I can’t believe the mistake you made the other day. Only a complete boneheaded idiot could do something that incredibly stupid.” “Man, you didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, the whole tree fell on you.”

How do you think that would go over in the royal court? What might happen to the man who addressed the prince or princess in that fashion? A flogging, imprisonment, beheading? They simply wouldn’t stand for someone to address the child of the king in that way.

Newsflash: You are a child of the King. You are a beloved child of God. No one should talk to you in such demeaning ways. You don’t need to talk to yourself in those ways either. (By the way, part of nourishing yourself is setting boundaries with people about the way they talk to you. You don’t have to listen to such berating belittlement. You can let folks know that if they have something to say to you, they should do it respectfully and kindly.)

Provide yourself with the care and tender affection you need. Do you need some alone time? Then schedule that in. Do you need some time with your spouse? Then talk to them about it. Do you need some time with God? Put that in the planner. Do you need to take some time out and just relax, being still and knowing that He is God? Then do it. The world won’t fall apart, in fact, you may learn to lean a little more on the one who is holding it together. Do the things you need to cherish yourself, otherwise you will never be able to cherish anyone else.

You are allowed to love yourself. You are allowed to be kind to yourself. You are allowed to nourish and cherish yourself. If you don’t, then you will eventually run out of the ability to nourish and cherish anyone else, including your spouse and your children. Listen, if God could love someone like you. So can you.

Come back next week as we move to the next item in love’s definition. Love doesn’t envy.