***WARNING: This is the second in a series of three posts on this topic. And I repeat yesterday’s warning. This post will be specific, factual, and even explicit. However, I will try not to be gratuitous or graphic. But if you normally let your kids read these posts, you may want to read it first. If you’re good with that, click the “Continue Reading” link below.
Yesterday, I started a three post series on the lies of pornography. Men, I repeat that buying into these lies will destroy your ability to have healthy relationships with women, especially your wife.
So let’s defuse the power of these lies by exposing them and telling the truth. I’m covering 15 lies in all, here are another 5.
5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men
6. The purpose of sex is to entertain, recreate, compete or conquer.
Pornography removes sexuality from its rightful place in our lives. With pornography, sex is about either entertainment, recreation, competition, or conquest. Please don’t misunderstand. I think God made sex to be fun. But the ultimate purpose is not for recreation or entertainment. It is not to provide you something fun to do when you’re bored. Even if looking at porn starts here, it almost inevitably leads men into the competition. Pornography says sex is about being better, doing it more, doing it with more women than the next guy. Finally, if it is a competition, it becomes about conquest. First, it is about beating all the other guys. But sadly, it becomes about conquering the women who might resist. This all misses the great reason that God gave us sex. Sure, God gave sex for procreation, but I’m not even going there. I Corinthians 6:16 demonstrates that God gave sex as a celebration of the unity between one man and one woman who have committed themselves to each other. Sex for any other reason is unfulfilling in the long run and leaves the participants empty and desperate for something more substantial than a momentary orgasm. Sadly, the only thing they have been trained to think will accomplish that is more sex, better sex, or even a different partner. So they find themselves in a dreadful cycle of emptiness, searching, and loss.
7. The winner is the guy who has sex with the hottest women or the most women.
If pornography turns sex into a competition, who is the winner? The one who has the most trophies, either because he has had sex with the most women or because he’s had sex with the woman the most men want to have sex with. This seems to work for a while. But as the man leaves yet another woman that he was unable to really connect with on an emotional level, the high of the orgasm wears off, and he returns to his empty house, the victory seems hollow. It doesn’t last. No one on their death bed is going to look back and say, “I’ve had a meaningful and productive life, look at all the women I’ve had sex with.” Or worse, he returns to the house where his wife is waiting for him to love her like Christ loved the church, and the weight of betrayal rests on his shoulders. In that moment, all the locker room bravado seems worthless. There is momentary pleasure in this path, but there is never meaningful victory.
8. Meaningful sex is about positions.
Missionary is boring. If you want to have good, meaningful sex you’ve got to learn the 25 positions that make her scream. At least, that’s what pornography tells you. This just isn’t true. Meaningful sex is about intimacy and connection. Many folks in the world can’t understand that. That’s why the newsstands are filled with the repetitive headlines about sex secrets as if you can unlock the world of meaningful sex by learning the right position, trick, or technique. Without connection and intimacy the greatest tricks, techniques, and positions are actually meaningless. Sure, they may provide a moment of fun and an explosion of physical pleasure, but that is forgotten once the deed is done. When sex, no matter in what position, draws a husband and wife closer emotionally, mentally, and spiritually because they are enjoying one another and celebrating their oneness, that goes with them when the physical pleasure has subsided.
9. The most meaningful sex is just having the most sex.
Pornography says that if you have a meaningful sex life, you’ll have sex all the time. With pornography, especially on the internet, sex is never-ending. There is always another picture, another video, another webcam. Anytime a guy gets the least bit turned on, the women of pornography are waiting. But as we said above, the true meaning of sex is about intimacy and connection. It is not about forcing your wife to put out every time something has put you in the mood. The fact is meaningful sex is about two people learning to communicate with one another about needs, wants, and desires. It is about recognizing that those things are going to be different for each partner. Meaningful sex is about finding the balance that allows neither partner to feel deprived on the one hand or used on the other. Meaningful sex is about letting each experience be one of joy for both partners, not simply physical pleasure for just one partner.
10. Size is the most important factor in being good at sex.
Let’s face it, we men were trained in our high school locker rooms to think that size matters most. We had our contests, if only verbally and full of lies. But pornography took it to a whole new level. Since in pornography the only parts of people that really matter is their genitalia and since it tends toward competition, it naturally tells men that if they don’t measure up in the size department, they can’t possibly please their wife sexually. BOGUS! First, if you are married to a woman who saved herself for you, she doesn’t have anything to compare it to. Second, even if she didn’t, size isn’t that big of a deal to many women. They aren’t seeking to have sex with the man whose manhood is biggest. They want to have sex with someone who will love them, protect them, honor them, care for them, provide for them, hold them, lead them, serve them, enjoy them, validate them, and take care of the children that might come from this sexual union.
Don’t forget to check out the final 5 lies I’ll be sharing about pornography.
P.S. If you missed the first post, click here.