(If you’ve stumbled across thist post, let me explain where you are. You have landed smack in the middle of one of my favorite series ever. We started some time ago by learning that God expects us to love ourselves. Now, we’re going through the definition of love in I Corinthians 13:4-7 to help us understand how we can love ourselves in a healthy way so can love others better. Go back to that first post to read the series from the beginning and to find an index of all the posts available. Enjoy today’s post as well.)
Nourish and Cherish Yourself
We are allowed to love ourselves. We are allowed to be kind to ourselves. Before we move to the next item in Paul’s list of love in I Corinthians 13:4-7 (“love does not envy”), let’s notice another passage that talks about the kindness God hasn’t commanded we have for ourselves; He simply expects it of us.
Ephesians 5:28-29 says:
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.
That is somewhat eye-opening. God expects that we will all nourish and cherish ourselves. That is part of the kindness we are allowed to have for ourselves.
Nourishment
The word here means to “bring up” and is also used in Ephesians 6:4. In the context of Ephesians 5:29, it highlights a physical care that allows the body to mature and grow. God expects us all to provide for the Physical Nourishment of our bodies. We make sure that we eat. We make sure that we get in out of the elements. We quickly resolve a problem if the body is harmed in some way.
We are allowed to do this. We are allowed to nourish ourselves. We are allowed to provide what our body needs to keep growing and keep living. We are allowed to provide what we need to be healthy. The fact is, if we don’t provide for those things, how can we be of service to any others?
Something I’m trying to focus on lately is this very aspect of nourishing my body. What I’m learning is I’m a beloved child of God. He loves me just as I am. He has set me free from my sins, my doubts, my fears, my anxieties. I no longer have to turn to food for my comfort and serenity. I can turn to Him. That means I can not only provide my body with food, but I actually have the freedom to provide it with healthy food and healthy, nourishing choices that allow me to love others better because I’m healthier.
For too many years, I’ve actually punished myself with food. Because of low self-esteem or self-worth, I set up a cycle of eating to produce the kind of body I thought I deserved as an undisciplined, loser. But now I see that God loves me. I’m His child. He doesn’t see me as an undisciplined loser. He sees me as a beloved son who deserves better. I don’t have to punish myself with unhealthy habits. I can make healthier choices. This isn’t about disciplined sacrifice. This is simply about being kind to myself and nourishing myself.
No, that doesn’t mean no more pizza or chocolate ice cream. It simply means I don’t have to turn to those for peace in a tumultuous world. I have a God who is my rock, fortress, strong and mighty tower. I don’t need cake or pizza for that. Now I’m free to eat in order to nourish my body instead of trying to rely on it to comfort my spirit. Those unhealthier choices get to be a part of a spectrum of choices I get to make because of this freedom.
You are allowed to nourish yourself. You are allowed to love yourself.
Cherishment
Is that a word? It is now.
Not only does God expect us to care for the health of our physical bodies, He expects us to care for the health of our emotional selves. This word means to keep warm or provide tender care. The other place it is used in the Bible is I Thessalonians 2:7. How do you expect a nursing mother to take care of her children? That is exactly what God expects us to do for ourselves. In fact, that is part of maturing, learning to move from the dependence on our parents to provide this kind of cherishing to learning to gain that emotional serenity on our own. And then to be able to reach out to develop our own relationship of choice and find cherishing from a loving husband or wife.
Let me ask you a question. God expects you to cherish yourself. Do you? When you talk to yourself, what do you say? Do you edify yourself and build yourself up or do you tear yourself down? Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Even if the only one hearing is you. If you talked to anyone else the way you talk to yourself, would they confuse that with nourishing them?
Picture yourself in a medieval kingdom. You are in the court when some person approaches the prince or princess and simply begins to berate and belittle them. “You are the ugliest princess I’ve ever seen.” “You are the dumbest prince I’ve ever laid eyes on.” “What a loser you are.” “You are the most pathetic member of the royal family.” “Why, look at the size of you. Only a pathetic loser would weigh as much as you.” “Why, I can’t believe the mistake you made the other day. Only a complete boneheaded idiot could do something that incredibly stupid.” “Man, you didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, the whole tree fell on you.”
How do you think that would go over in the royal court? What might happen to the man who addressed the prince or princess in that fashion? A flogging, imprisonment, beheading? They simply wouldn’t stand for someone to address the child of the king in that way.
Newsflash: You are a child of the King. You are a beloved child of God. No one should talk to you in such demeaning ways. You don’t need to talk to yourself in those ways either. (By the way, part of nourishing yourself is setting boundaries with people about the way they talk to you. You don’t have to listen to such berating belittlement. You can let folks know that if they have something to say to you, they should do it respectfully and kindly.)
Provide yourself with the care and tender affection you need. Do you need some alone time? Then schedule that in. Do you need some time with your spouse? Then talk to them about it. Do you need some time with God? Put that in the planner. Do you need to take some time out and just relax, being still and knowing that He is God? Then do it. The world won’t fall apart, in fact, you may learn to lean a little more on the one who is holding it together. Do the things you need to cherish yourself, otherwise you will never be able to cherish anyone else.
You are allowed to love yourself. You are allowed to be kind to yourself. You are allowed to nourish and cherish yourself. If you don’t, then you will eventually run out of the ability to nourish and cherish anyone else, including your spouse and your children. Listen, if God could love someone like you. So can you.
Come back next week as we move to the next item in love’s definition. Love doesn’t envy.