God's Way Works

For a better life and a better eternity

Clean Up Your Side of the Street

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It happened again this weekend. Marita said something which angered me and I went ballistic. Now, don’t misunderstand, this is not Marita’s fault. I’ve learned that if I go ballistic, there is usually something internally with me that is not lining up right and to cover up for it, to deflect from it, or simply to justify it, I get heated and start going off. After all, it makes me feel better if I can make it look like it is everybody else’s fault, not mine. Hmmm. Wonder if that is where my kids get it from?

Anyway, once again I have a very tangible reminder that in the family, we all need to work on cleaning up our own side of the street. Don’t get me wrong, I understand there are times when we need to let others know when they’ve been walking all over us, hurt us, or been behaving inappropriately. However, when the rage is really coming on, especially when you can tell it is an overreaction, the problem is usually not the other person. It is usually us. We’ve got something going on causing discord internally. If we would just deal with it, the rage would dissipate.

So, here’s the plan of attack. The next time someone does something that really, really makes you angry. Stop and look at yourself. Are you deflecting away from some guilt or shame you are feeling on the inside? Do you feel some specific issue is being attacked within you? What is it? Is it some part about which you are ashamed? Is it your pride swelling up? The really tough part is after the fight, hurt, or whatever struggle has occurred and now you are wishing the other person would fess up with all the wrong they did, quit thinking about them. Take a look at you. What did you do to precipitate the problem? Go make amends for that.

I’m not saying the other person is completely innocent. It takes two to tango. However, you can’t control anyone else. You can’t fix your spouse, your kids, or your parents. You can’t make them do anything about any of the wrong they did. However, none of their wrong justifies yours. Therefore, without justification, excuse-making, or blaming, you need to look at your side of the street. What trash is on your side that needs to be cleaned up? Pick it up. Throw it away. Make an amends for your side of the street.

I’d like to promise you that if you do this, your spouse, children, and parents will come around and start cleaning up their side of the street and your relationships with them will always be peachy. Sadly, I can’t promise that. Certainly, most of the time when one person in a relationship humbles him or herself and starts cleaning up their own side of the street, the defenses come down with everyone, apologies flow forth on all sides, and the relationship grows. However, that is just not always the case.

How should you respond if you start working on your side of the street and whoever you’ve been having the struggle with refuses to respond in kind? Just keep cleaning up your side of the street. Why? Because you are not doing this to fix the other person. If you are, you aren’t cleaning up your side of the street, you are cluttering it more with manipulation. Keep cleaning your side of the street because this grants you serenity, peace, and joy. If you let your side of the street stay junky, you’ll always be struggling with the guilt of what you have caused and your part in the struggle. Let’s face it, even if you are doing everything in your power to deflect, justify, blame others, and excuse your behavior, something inside you knows what you’ve done. The guilt and shame will be overpowering, even if it is completely subconscious. That will cause a repeating cycle of trashing up your side of the street and destroying your relationships with others.

And of course, be patient in this process. Be patient with yourself. Perhaps one day you’ll get so good at cleaning up your side of the street you don’t have those blow-ups anymore. However, if you messed up again today, don’t give up on your side of street. Just pick up the trash with which you’ve littered and move on as best you can. It’s a growth process. Life is about progress not perfection. And if you’re married to someone who keeps trashing their side of the street, be patient with them. Like you, they make a lot of mistakes and are growing. Give them time.

Well, I hope this was helpful. I have to go now and do a bunch of street sweeping.

(Check out this follow up article: 4 Steps to Cleaning Your Own Side of the Street)

Something Worth Doing; Part 5: Give Something Worth Getting

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.) 

Today, I want to…

Give Something Worth Getting.

The Greater Blessing

Imagine you are taking a standardized test and you are asked to choose the word that most accurately completes the following sentence:

Today, I want to ___________ something worth getting.

     A.    waste
     B.    give
     C.   hoard
     D.   receive

Let’s face it, on that test, we would have picked D not B. What a shock to find out the real answer is to give and not receive. That’s our goal today–not to receive something worth getting, not to hoard something worth keeping, but to give something worth getting.

Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” What?! How can that be? Surely it is more of a blessing to receive. I guess that depends on the heart. If we have taking, grasping, hoarding, selfish hearts, we’ll never grasp why we should want to give rather than receive something worth getting. However, if we can develop selfless, serving, sharing, generous hearts, then both Jesus’ statement and Kelsey’s make perfect sense.

The struggle, of course, if you’re like me, is there is just so much stuff out there that we want. Advertisements on television and radio abound with cool stuff. We drive by our dream cars and dream houses every day. Our friends all have cool stuff. It is just so simple to get caught up in the pursuit of stuff. Selfishness is just too easy. Our two favorite days of the year are birthday and Christmas. Why? Because we get stuff and it better be stuff worth getting. If not, we’ll return it to the store so we can select the stuff we think is worth getting.

However, this endless pursuit of stuff is…well…endless. There is not a set amount of stuff that will ever be enough. No level of getting will provide fulfillment or meaning in life. There is not some perfect gift out there that will end our desire for more. Lasting contentment, peace, serenity, joy, and satisfaction do not come from receiving. In fact, think back to your last birthday or your last Christmas. What did you get? Can you remember five things? Can you remember even one? Today, do you feel fulfilled because of the great presents you received in the past or is your materialism geared up for the next gadget, gizmo, or gift you hope to receive that will fix things?

The Great Fix

Shakespeare wrote, “To receive or to give, that is the question. To get, perchance to be satisfied. Ay, there’s the rub. For in what receiving can we ever find fulfillment.” Well, he didn’t write exactly that, but it does get to the point. Somehow we convince ourselves that all our hopes, dreams, and plans will be fulfilled in the next purchase. We convince ourselves all our fears, insecurities, and anxieties will be resolved with the right gift. Like an addict seeking the next high, we are sure if we could just get that right thing, everything will be fixed in our lives. We’ve been waiting and waiting, searching and searching, receiving and receiving, but it never happens. When the old gift wears off, we start looking for a new one.

As a teen, I was certain having a car would fix things. Now I have a car and it is the thing that most needs fixing.  I used to be certain owning my own house would provide satisfaction. Now I have a house and what I’m sure will satisfy is a house with a pool, game room, and my very own office. I was absolutely sure having an expensive, classy-looking, impressive day planner would solve my discipline issues. It did for about a week, now I’m not even sure where it is. I was convinced getting a new computer would fix my technology woes. For a month I was on cloud nine. Now, I’ve seen the newest version at the store and I’m dying to get it. On and on and on I could go. Acquiring stuff just doesn’t fix anything. Rather, it simply reminds us of the emptiness of material goods. They look shiny. They are impressive. But really they are hollow. Many people are depressed because they didn’t get what they wanted today. However, many are depressed because they did and it hasn’t helped at all. No wonder Jesus also said our lives are not made up of our possessions.

What then are our lives made of? What does provide meaning? Relationships. How do relationships grow? Through giving. Yes, sometimes through giving gifts, but usually through giving ourselves. Give time. Give a listening ear. Give a shoulder to cry on. Give help. Give effort. Give understanding. Give vulnerability. Give support. Give intimacy. Give yourself. As you release your grasp on all the stuff you want and start giving of yourself to others, watch your peace and serenity grow. Feel fulfillment increase. See meaning in your life swell.

The Golden Rule

Jesus also said we should treat others the way we want to be treated. That is the heart of giving something worth getting. Instead of demanding that others treat us the way we want to be treated, instead of demanding that others sacrifice for us, we must treat them the way we want to be treated, we must sacrifice for them. When we are focused on giving rather than receiving, we are focused on others.

However, we go even a step further. We are not just giving. We are giving something worth getting. This is no half-hearted attempt to give. This is not giving as an afterthought. This is not giving as manipulation. This is sacrificial love. When we give something worth getting, the recipient will know it would have been worth keeping. Yet, instead of keeping it, we gave it to them.

Here is a great place to start. Pick someone with whom you are having a real problem, someone who just rubs you the wrong way, someone with whom you have bitter resentments. Take the prayer challenge for them. For the next month, at least once per day, pray that God will grant that person the blessings you want and need in your life. At the end of the month, see how your perspective toward that person has changed. Then you can take another step. Don’t just pray about it, start being an answer to your prayer and give blessing to that person. Now, if you think that will positively impact your relationship with someone who is an enemy, imagine what it will do when that is how you treat your friends as well.

Today, I don’t want to focus on receiving. I want to focus on giving. I don’t want to give just anything. Half measures avail nothing. I want to give something worth getting. 

 

(Come back next Wednesday as we learn about Choosing Something Worth Keeping.)

Evangelism as Christ Meant It To Be

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I wanted to take a quick break from my series on the Psalms and prayer. I was reminded today of an important principle I wanted to pass on to you in my Springboard for Your Spiritual Life.

In the past, I know I’ve gone about evangelism and sharing the gospel with others in all the wrong way. There was a time when I trusted in myself that I was righteous. My evangelism told the world, “If you can start being as good as I am, maybe you can be a Christian too.”

However, God has humbled me, forced me to be rigorously honest, and caused me to realize I need to take a different approach. I need to share with the world, “If you are as bad as I am, you need a Savior too. I’d like to tell you about Him sometime.”

If I can ever help, let me know.

Come back next Monday as we pick up with Praying Like the Psalmists.

Something Worth Doing, Part 4: Say Something Worth Repeating

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first in the series and follow the successive links. Also, links to each post in this series are added to that first post as they are made live on the website).

Today, I want to…

…Say Something Worth Repeating

I can’t help but notice what this resolution does not say. It does not say, “I want to say something worth crediting to me.” Some will look at this statement, as I was initially tempted to, and be filled with pride. Oh yes, I want to say something everyone will take upon their lips and repeat the world around. I want it to find its way in to the news, into books, into magazine articles. I want to make sure my name is in the byline. I want people repeating me and knowing it is me they are repeating. I want to be a Jesus, a Socrates, a Benjamin Franklin, a Mark Twain. I want to say things people will record and for which people will hold me in renown.

However, that is not what this resolution says. This resolution says, “I want to say something worth repeating.” You want to say things that will be alright to say again. You want to say things that if someone else says them, it will be alright. You want to say things that if someone does happen to quote you and credit you with them, you won’t be ashamed. Certainly, you want to say things that are so helpful people will want to repeat them. But first, you need to say things that are okay to repeat.

Some Things Aren’t Worth Saying the First Time

This is not as easy as it sounds. There are all kinds of things that are shameful to say the first time, let alone repeat–gossip, slander, foul language, malice, dirty jokes, confidences, bitterness, hate, lewdness.The list could go on. When we see this list, we easily recognize how bad these things are, but they so easily creep into our speech.

There is a thrill that comes from knowing something and passing it on. For a moment, there is a power you feel as you pass on some juicy detail of gossip and slander or even just passing on something told you in confidence. However, in the end the gossip, slander, and betraying of confidences destroys your relationships and leaves you empty and wasted.

There is a thrill that comes with venting malice, anger, and hatred. You’ll get a little payoff as you get to say the deepest and darkest things you feel and watch others tremble. However, once that moment passes all that will be left you is the knowledge of the hurt and damage you have wreaked in the lives of others and in your relationship with them.

There is a thrill that comes from dabbling in the immoral. You’ll get a little pay off from passing on the immoral jokes, making the lewd double entendres, repeating the foul language. Some small part of you will feel mature. After all, that is the stuff for mature audiences. However, as time goes on, that speech will crowd out your maturity and you will find you are actually immature and unable to relate to people on any level of real maturity. Your mind will be filled with immorality and you will not be able to relate to people as people. They will merely be objects for your immoral thoughts and words.

Trust me, the momentary thrill of these kinds of base speech are not worth the lasting damage they cause to your spirit, your relationships, your life. These things are not worth saying once, let alone repeating.

Paul’s Three Keys for Saying Something Worth Repeating

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Paul provides us with three keys to make sure we are saying something worth repeating.

1. Good for building up.

Picture the person you are talking to as a home. Your words need to build, fortify, strengthen that house, not something that tears down, weakens, or destabilizes it. You need to be laying good foundations in that relationship. You need to be providing great support. You need to be adding protection.

No doubt, at times you will have to say negative things. Every house needs some work. You may have to help remove rotten wood or caulk destructive leaks. Remember, however, your words in this instance are to be about repair and restrengthening, not about demolition and destruction. Your attitude in these cases makes all the difference.

2. Fitting the occasion.

Your words should be appropriate to what is going on. They should meet the needs of the moment. Nothing is worse than the guy who can’t stand the tension, stress, emotion of a moment so he cracks an inappropriate joke. Then there is the woman who can’t seem to stand someone else being the center of attention and pulls every conversation back to herself. Of course, there is always the well-meaning person who believes his job is to fix everything and won’t listen long enough to see all he needs to do is be supportive.

Sometimes, the most fitting thing for the occasion is to simply be quiet. Silence almost always bears repeating. You want to say things worth repeating, but often the occasion merely warrants listening. One of the best ways to say things worth repeating is to just not say much. I can guarantee you this, not saying much will cause people to listen more closely when you do say something.

Having said that, there are also times when silence is not right. When you witness abuse, misuse of power, infringement of justice, error, you have to stand up and speak. Many may not like you, but as long as truth and right are on your side then you’ll be saying things worth repeating.

3. Giving grace.

I know we mentioned this as we learned to write things worth reading, but Paul said something here worth repeating. Whether in writing or in speech, our words should be gifts. They should bestow goodwill, pleasure, blessing.

Picture a birthday party. The table is laden with gifts and whoever you are speaking to is about to open your gift. How would they respond if what was on the inside of that gift was what you were about to say to them? What if tables were turned? Before you say that next sentence, ask yourself, “Would I want to receive these words in a gift?”

In reality, you may never say anything the masses take up as a mantra and pass on from generation to generation. Then again, maybe you will. However, if you remove things not worth repeating from your speech and follow these three guidelines, you may be surprised to find out the great impact you have in the lives of others. At least you will have the peace and joy of knowing that what you say is worth repeating whether or not anybody ever does.

(Come back next Wednesday to learn about Giving Something Worth Getting.)

Reprieve for Pregnant Woman is Inconsistent with Modern Thought on Abortion

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I know this is not my typical kind of Springboard for the Family and I hope I can say all this properly so as not to skew my point. However, I’m a little shocked at some articles I’ve read this week about a British woman in Laos. Apparently, this young woman has been arrested while in Laos on charges of drug trafficking. I don’t know if she’s guilty or innocent. So I’m not weighing forth on that. The amount of drug she allegedly carried warrants death by firing squad in Laos.

The hitch? The young woman is pregnant. The news stories do not question so much whether she should be executed according to the law of Laos as much as how a pregnant woman shouldn’t be executed.

My point here is not to agree or disagree with the policy of not executing pregnant women (actually, I would tend to agree with that policy). However, I can’t help but think that if this young woman were in America and decided she didn’t want that baby, she would be allowed to kill it willy-nilly without any interference from anyone. In the debate about abortion, we are told that what is inside her is nothing more than a fetus parasite and she has control over that and can kill it if she wants. However, get her arrested, threaten to execute her and suddenly that fetus parasite is a baby that has a life of its own.

I happen to agree that what is inside her is a baby. I happen to agree that it has a life of its own. I happen to agree it should not also be punished for the mother’s crimes. I just wanted to point out the inconsistency of the politically correct. When it suits their purposes, it’s just a fetus and you’re not killing anything. When it suits their purposes it is a life that needs preserving. How convenient.

Why is this a springboard for your family? Because, if you happen to stumble across this article and your thinking about stopping your family before it starts by aborting your baby, please, reconsider. Even the liberals truly know what is inside you is a life, a separate life that deserves it’s chance to live. 

If you have stumbled across this and have already had an abortion. I hope you will reconsider what you’ve done. But I also hope you realize God still loves you. He sent His Son for you and you can find forgiveness in HIm. You can find freedom from the guilt and shame you feel through Jesus Christ.

If you have stumbled across this and don’t care about abortion. I simply hope you’ll think about this inconsistency and see how it should impact your views. Please, don’t just discount it because it doesn’t toe the modern party line of political correctness. Wrestle with this. Because to be consistent, you should either give up abortion or you should say the pregnancy shouldn’t impact whether the woman is executed for her crimes if proven guilty.

Please, don’t stop your family before it is started. Consider raising your child. Right now it seems impossible, but in a 10 or 20 years, you will see it completely differently. If that is not an option, consider adoption. there are numerous people who have tried and tried to have children and can’t. You can be a blessing to them. Be a springboard for their family.

But whatever you think about this, let’s at least be consistent.

Believing in the God of the Psalmists, Part 5: God is Judge

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(If you want to learn more about prayer from the psalms, start at the beginning of the series and follow the successive links.  Or check out the index for this entire series of posts.)

We’ve been looking at the God of the psalmists for several weeks. We probably need a quick reminder of what this is all about. For centuries, Christians have turned to the Psalms to learn to pray and to improve in prayer. Filled with prayers of all kinds, it is a natural place to turn. We have learned if we want to pray more like the psalmists, we must begin by believing in the God the psalmists believed in. Last week, we learned that they saw God as the source of all things. This week, we note they prayed because they viewed God as the judge.

God, the Awesome Judge, Worthy of Praise

Psalm 96 really nails home the connection between God as creator and judge. It is a natural connection. If God made the heavens, the earth, and all that is in them, then God gets to hold all that is in them to account. The psalmist saw idols made by men and realized they are worthless. However, our God made the heavens. Our God made us. That leads to the following conclusion:

Say among the nations, “The LORD reigns!
Yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved;
he will judge the peoples with equity.
Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice;
let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
let the field exult, and everything in it!
Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy
before the LORD, for he comes,
for he comes to judge the earth
He will judge the world in righteousness,
and the peoples in his faithfulness.
–Psalm 96:10-13

Interestingly, unlike modern feeling, the psalmists did not view God as judge as a negative thing. When we hear “judge” today, we think of awful connotations. Not so the psalmists. They were glad to sing of God as the judge. They knew God would judge in righteousness and with faithfulness. Who else could they possibly want as judge but God?

God is not just a judge. He is the judge. Therefore, He is worthy of great praise and honor. How could they not pray to Him?

We Can Turn to the Judge To Avenge the Wicked

Psalm 94 demonstrates another reason the psalmist turned to God since He is judge. 

O LORD, God of vengeance,
O God of vengeance, shine forth!
Rise up, O judge of the earth;
repay the proud what they deserve!
–Psalm 94:1-2

There is a lot of evil in the world. Sinners abound who try to overthrow those who lean on God. When we finally become rigorously honest, we realize we cannot defeat these enemies. We have only one place to turn. God. He is the creator. He is the ruler. He is the source. He is the judge. Despite the despair the psalmists often had because they didn’t believe God was acting quickly enough, they still maintained the faith that in the end, God would rise up and vindicate those who relied on Him, judging and punishing those who mistreated His people.

Perhaps this helps us with some of those pesky imprecatory psalms (the psalms in which curses are called down on enemies). The psalmists themselves did not take their own vengeance. They did not judge in that final sense. However, they knew to whom they could turn. They could turn to God. Let God know what was going on in their heart and trust God to do what was right. It was not their place to take vengeance. It was God’s. He is the judge, not us. Therefore, instead of seeking personal vengeance, they turned to God. They trusted God to do what was right.

 The Great Comfort of God the Judge

The great comfort we can take from God being the judge is revealed in Psalm 75:2. “At the set time that I appoint I will judge with equity.” Our God is impartial. He judges with equity. The great judge of all the earth will do what is right. We can trust that. He will not judge improperly. We can entrust our souls to Him. Further, we don’t have to worry that He will offer some special status to other differently from us. He will judge rightly. The same could not be said for the rest of us.

Frankly, I’m glad God is the judge and you’re not. In like manner, you should be glad God is the judge and I’m not.

God is judge. Let us praise Him today.

(Come back for our next installment to learn that the psalmists prayed to God because He is King.)