God's Way Works

For a better life and a better eternity

One Congregation Can Meet Everyone’s Need

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So I’m reading Seven Practices of Effective Ministry by Andy Stanley, Reggie Joiner, and Lane Jones.* I’m getting a lot out of it. I really appreciated the points about “Clarifying the Win” and “Teach Less for More.” These have really impacted my thought process regarding my work and teaching. I believe they have improved because of the reading. I highly recommend the book.

But, as with all books (except the Bible), I hit a snag. In their chapter on “Narrow the Focus,” which had lots of helpful info also, they get into the niche marketing idea for churches. As they talk about creating brands, they mention that you have to identify a target group. This brought to mind all that I read years ago in The Purpose-Driven Church about this kind of niche marketing.

In the Narrow the Focus chapter, the idea is that a single congregation can’t meet everyone’s need. I am supposed to conclude that a single person has a different need from a married person. A retired person has a different need from a working person. A black person has a different need from a white person. A young upwardly mobile person has a different need from a blue collar person. Management has a different need than labor. There is just no way a single congregation can meet the needs for all of these people. There just aren’t enough resources in any given congregation to meet the needs for all these different people. Therefore, we are told, churches need to narrow the focus by identifying a target. Find out what the target needs, then devote the church’s resources to meeting those needs. They will attract that kind of person. While they will not be able to help everyone, other churches can meet the needs of other people. Because they are not stretching themselves too thin, they will grow larger within their target group than they ever would trying to meet everyone’s needs.

That sounds all well and good, but I keep hitting a roadblock on that path. How can I sing that the blessed gospel is for all but then conduct the congregation’s work in such a way that as we present the gospel it is meant to attract for young upwardly mobile people like Saddleback Sam and Samantha with there two kids Steve and Sally (The Purpose-Driven Church, p. 170)? Are we teaching a good news that is for everyone or just a certain few. If it is only for a certain few, are we teaching the gospel found in the New Testament or one of our own making? Of course, the folks who proclaim this method say it is working because their congregations are so large. “It must be right,” they say, “because God is obviously blessing our approach.” That, apparently, is code for “We have more people attending than you.”

I have to admit, that line of argument can seem reasonable at times. But something still plagued me about this approach. Then it hit me. I asked is the foundation really sound? Does a single person have a different need from a married person? Does a teenager have a different need from a grandmother? Do all of these people really have different needs? On the surface that seems to be true. I’ve even said it myself sometimes. But the reality is this premise is all wrong. While I’m sure in some sense all of these people have different needs, God didn’t send Jesus or establish the church to meet every possible need someone might have. He sent Jesus and established the church to deal with the one need that everyone has. 

We are all dead in sin and need the life offered through Jesus Christ (Ephesians 2:1-10).

Let’s face it, the problems we all have are caused by sin. I don’t need some special teaching just because I’m married with kids. Do you know what causes me struggle in my marriage? The same thing that caused me struggles when I was single. Sin. It will be the same thing that causes me struggles when I’m an empty-nester. It is the same thing that causes me struggles with my neighbors and my co-workers. What do I need? I need the life, the victory, the freedom from sin that comes through Jesus. As Jesus sets me free from my sins, my life will improve no matter what situation it is in. Further, I will learn how to live contently in my relationship with Him no matter what sins those around me commit.

When I learn that and let the good news of Jesus start to impact my life, it will change my marriage, it will change my career, it will change my community. Let’s think about this in a microcosmic way. Think of the Golden Rule in Matthew 7:12. Who can the Golden Rule help? Let’s see. I think it will help teenagers, single people, married people, divorced people, widowed people, black people, white people, hispanic people, asian people, rich people, poor people, educated people, uneducated people, white collar people, blue collar people, management people, labor people, unemployed people, Democrats, Republicans… The list could go on. In other words, in this scenario, we don’t need a church that pours all its resources into teaching young married couples. We need a church that will pour its resources into teaching the Golden Rule. Why? Because that will help everyone.  

Consider another microcosmic example. When a church is directed by its community to try to meet the felt needs of its target audience, it might do something like the following. If we target young families, we all know the felt need. Childcare. My wife and I have four kids, we feel that need. Yes, it is a need that my grandparents don’t feel. So the church says, “Young families need childcare. Let’s devote our resources to accomplishing that need and we’ll get more young families in our church. If we devote our resources to that, we won’t have enough money to also accomplish the felt need of seniors which is providing company.” If that is the way churches are thinking, no wonder Narrow the Focus comes to mean narrow your target audience. But let me ask you, did God send Jesus or establish His church to meet the felt need of childcare? No. Jesus died for the real need of victory over sin. Narrow the Focus should not mean narrowing the target audience. Rather, it should mean narrowing the needs we are trying to meet. We should narrow it right down to the need Jesus died for–victory over sin. When that happens, we actually open our target up to everyone.

When a church teaches the freeing truth (John 8:32) of God’s powerful gospel (Romans 1:16-17) then lives will be changed for the better no matter what the felt needs of the individuals are or their station in life.

The problem is we have too often bought into the pop psychology of felt needs. Let’s face it, appealing to felt needs will attract folks. But appealing to felt needs is too often appealing to fleshly needs. God did not send Jesus to die to fulfill our felt needs. He sent Jesus to die to meet a real need. Felt needs are different for every person. But this real need is the same. Sadly, not as many people care about their real needs as their felt needs. Further, nothing we can do will force them to recognize their real need. In fact, all that we do to fulfill their felt needs might keep them from seeing their real need because they are never forced to examine their own neediness. So, moving from a felt needs focus to a real needs focus may cost us some members just like it did for Jesus in John 6. But focusing on the real need will actually provide the real help that people really need. 

Yes, a single church can meet the need that everyone has. We don’t need different churches for all kinds of different people. We need churches who are willing to focus on what all of us have in common. We’re all sinners in need of a Savior. He will change our lives if we will let Him. Let’s narrow our focus to that.

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*Yes, the links in this article are affiliate links. Help a guy out. It’s Christmas time. Click on the links and buy something.

31 Ways to Pray for Your Kids

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Thanks to Jason Hardin for reposting this. I thought I would pass it along too.

If you’re a parent, perhaps you can relate to these words by Bob Hostetler:

For years, like any responsible Christian parent, I prayed daily for my two children, Aubrey and Aaron.  I prayed for God’s blessing and protection throughout their days.  I prayed for them to be happy.  I asked God to help them through difficult times and to help them make wise choices.  My prayers were regular, heartfelt, and—for the most part—pedestrian and repetitive.

I wanted more than that, however.  I wanted so much for my children, but when I knelt in prayer, I invariably found the same tired words rolling from my lips, like an adult whose table grace never progressed beyond “God is great, God is good, now we thank him for this food…”

So Bob developed his own “parent prayer program,” a simple practice that revolutionized the way he prays for his children.  Each day of the month, in addition to his prayers for their safety and for the concerns of that day, he also prays for a specific character trait, virtue, or fruit of the Spirit to be planted and nurtured in his children through his efforts (and his wife’s), through the influence of others, and through his children’s own actions and decisions.  At the end of each month, he begins praying through the list again.

I really appreciate Bob sharing his plan and inviting others to “duplicate it—or improve upon it—to help you pray specifically and purposefully for your children.”  Below is a slightly adapted list I plan on adopting for my own prayer life.

  1. Salvation – “Father, my heart’s desire and prayer to you is that my children may be saved, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory” (Rom 10:1;  2 Tim 2:10).
  2. Growth in grace – “I pray that they may grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Pet 3:18).
  3. Love – “Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” (Eph 5:2).
  4. Honesty and integrity – “May integrity and honesty preserve and protect them” (Psa 25:21).
  5. Self-control – “Father, help my children not to be like so many others around them, but let them be alert and sober in all that they do” (1 Thes 5:6)
  6. A love for God’s Word – “May my children grow to treasure your Word as more precious than gold and sweeter than honey” (Psa 19:10).
  7. Justice – “God, help my children to love righteousness as you do and to act justly in all that they do” (Psa 11:7; Mic 6:8).
  8. Mercy – “May my children always be merciful, even as their heavenly Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36).
  9. Respect – “Father, grant that my children may show proper respect for authority, for themselves, and for others” (1 Pet 2:17).
  10. Strong, Biblical self-esteem – “Help my children develop a strong sense of self-worth that is rooted in the realization that they are your workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works” (Eph 2:10).
  11. Faithfulness – “Let love and faithfulness never leave my children, but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablet of their hearts” (Prov 3:3).
  12. Courage – “May my children always be strong and courageous in their character and in their actions” (Deut 31:6).
  13. Purity – “Create in them a pure heart, O God, and let their purity of heart be shown in their actions” (Psa 51:10).
  14. Kindness – “Lord, may my children always seek to do good to one another and to everyone” (1 Thes 5:15).
  15. Generosity – “Grant that my children may be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future” (1 Tim 6:18-19).
  16. Peace and peaceability – “Father, help my children pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Rom 14:19).
  17. Joy – “May my children eagerly receive your Word and be filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit’” (1 Thes 1:6).
  18. Perseverance – “Lord, teach my children steadfastness in all that they do, and help them to run with endurance the race that is set before them” (Heb 12:1).
  19. Humility – “God, please cultivate in my children the ability to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people (Tit 3:2).
  20. Compassion – “Lord, please clothe my children with the virtue of compassionate hearts” (Col 3:12).
  21. Responsibility – “Grant that my children may learn to faithfully bear their own load as dedicated stewards, for your glory” (Gal 6:5).
  22. Contentment – “Father, help my children learn the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need, through Christ who can strengthen them in any and every circumstance” (Phil 4:12-13).
  23. Faith – “I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children’s hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them” (Luke 17:5-6; Heb 11:1).
  24. A servant’s heart – “God, please help my children do your will from their hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly, as to you and not to men” (Eph 6:7).
  25. Hope – “May you, the God of hope, fill my children and make them overflow with hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Rom 15:13).
  26. Patience – “Do whatever you must, faithful Father, to help my children develop patience in well-doing as they seek for glory and honor and immortality” (Rom 2:7).
  27. A passion for God – “Help my children to learn that your steadfast love is better than life and that the greatest joy is found when our souls cling passionately to you (Psa 63:3,8).
  28. Self-discipline – “Father, I pray that my children would develop discipline to consistently seek your wise instructions, that they may walk in ways that are right and just and fair” (Prov 1:3).
  29. Prayerfulness – “Grant, Lord, that my children’s lives would be marked by prayerfulness, that they would pray at all occasions with all kinds of supplications and requests” (Eph 6:18).
  30. Gratitude – “Help my children to live lives that overflow with thankfulness, giving you thanks always and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Col 2:7; Eph 5:20).
  31. A heart for evangelism – “Heavenly Father, help my children to develop hearts for the spread of the gospel, a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all the peoples” (Psa 96:3).

What about you?  Could a similar approach to prayer supplement your efforts to bring your own children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? (Eph 6:4)

Helicopter Parenting: What Do You Think?

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Regrettably, ABC won’t let this video be embedded (I’m still wondering when these folks are going to get with the program and recognize allowing this stuff to be passed on only helps them). Anyway, check out the video at the following YouTube link.

Helicopter Moms: Hurting or Helping Kids

Then, let’s talk about it.

Helicopter parenting: What do you think?

Do Not Resent Yourself–Love Yourself

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(If you’ve stumbled across this post, let me explain where you are. You have landed smack in the middle of one of my favorite series ever. We started some time ago by learning that God expects us to love ourselves. Now, we’re going through the definition of love in I Corinthians 13:4-7 to help us understand how we can love ourselves in a healthy way so can love others better. Go back to that first post to read the series from the beginning and to find an index of all the posts available. Enjoy today’s post as well.)

Do Not Resent Yourself

Resentment is carrying a grudge against past wrongs. In fact, the NASB translates this part of I Corinthians 13:5 as “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” We do not have to carry the grudge against ourselves. We do not have to hold on to all the shame and guilt from our past sins.

When something bad happens to you, do you often tell yourself how much you deserve it because of all the wrong things you’ve done? Some folks even seem to sabotage themselves over and again because they are convinced they are themselves such a problem that they don’t deserve anything good. They deserve bad because of all the bad they have done. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that goes something like this.

I know I shouldn’t eat this gallon of ice cream right now. It is so unhealthy and will probably give me a heart attack one day or lead me to diabetes. Not to mention, I know it won’t really help deal with the problems I’m facing right now; it will only make them worse.  But what can I expect? I’m such a screw-up. I’m probably going to get those things anyway the way I mess my life up all the time. Who do I think I’m kidding. I might as well pigout now and enjoy it while I can.

No, it isn’t always bad to eat ice cream. But notice the process here that is almost never as conscious as this paragraph. When I’m carrying a grudge against myself, I end up submarining any hope of overcoming the things for which I carry the grudge. When I cave again, I simply have one more thing to carry a grudge about and the cycle continues down and down and down.

Sadly, many of us have an inbred mechanism to make sure we stay in this cycle. If we ever begin to think something positive about ourselves like we are good at something or deserve something, then we start berating ourselves for being arrogant and self-centered. After that tongue-lashing, we are ready to go back to carrying our grudge against ourselves.

We are Not the Sum Total of Our Sins

Have we done bad things? Sure. Have we sinned? Yes. Should that bother and concern us? Absolutely. Our sins separate us from God (Isaiah 59:1-2). They lead us to death (Romans 6:23). They will destroy us. They need to be dealt with. They need to be overcome. That is exactly why God sent Jesus. That is why God offers His grace. He wants us to overcome them. He doesn’t want us to linger in those sins, carrying out cycles that just dig us deeper and deeper and deeper.

We are not the sum total of our sins. We are people that God loved despite our sins (Romans 5:6-11). If God could love us instead of carrying a grudge against us despite our sins, why can’t we? According to Psalm 103:8-14, the Lord is merciful and gracious. “He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.” That is, He won’t carry the grudge. He doesn’t maintain resentment. Instead, because His love is “as high as the heavens are above the earth” He removes our sins from us “as far as the east is from the west.” “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.”

If God, through His love, is willing to view us separately from our sins, removing them from us, why can’t we?

Certainly, we need to remember our sins in order to learn from them, repenting and turning to God’s way. We need to remember our sins in order to see our constant and continued need for Jesus and salvation through Him. But we do not have to carry the baggage of our sins with us everywhere we go. We do not have to carry the resentment with us for the rest of our lives. Instead, we are allowed to love ourselves and set ourselves free from carrying the grudges.

Think about this. Isn’t this what God expects us to do with others who have also sinned and even sinned against us? How much more when we have surrendered ourselves to Christ are we allowed to let our grudges and resentment against ourselves go.

Don’t resent yourself. Love yourself.

And remember, God’s way works for your life.

(Come back next Monday as we learn that love rejoices at truth, not wrong-doing.)

Have a Personal Bible Study with Your Kids

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I guess it’s been a couple of months ago now that my wife asked me to start having Bible studies with each of the kids. My initial thought was, “What? Are you kidding me? Do you know how much work I have to do each day?” I couldn’t believe she was asking me to add this in to my day. Sure, I want to have some family time in the Word each week, but add in three Bible studies?

I wondered if she had forgotten that we had just moved to work with a new congregation. I was busy trying to meet people. I was establishing new studies with people, trying to visit with guests in the congregation. Not to mention we had moved from a congregation in which I had to preach once a week and now have to preach twice (I know, I know, most of you other preachers are playing the violin and weeping for me). How could she ask me to do this?

I was conflicted. In fact, I felt guilty. I knew this should be something I wanted to do. After all, I am the dad. My job is to lead my family. My job is to raise my kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But at first, all I could see was the sacrifice of my time and how it would get in they way of my “job.”

Then something hit me. If one of my neighbors called up and asked for a Bible study, I would be all over that. If a visitor in the church asked for a study, I would jump at the chance. If anybody in the congregation asked me to have a study with their family and their children, I’d be making all kinds of room in my schedule. Why? That’s my job. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. I study the Bible with people. I’m always looking for opportunities to do that.

Suddenly it became clear. I now have three opportunities to study every week with someone. These three people are extremely important to me. I want them to serve God more than I want anyone else to. Why on earth would I get upset about scheduling time with them to study the Word? Now, no matter what, I get to have at least three Bible studies per week. I get to share God’s word with three people. Sometimes we get a lot out of it. Sometimes it is a struggle. But this is my life. It’s what I do. I can hardly believe I was ready to miss out on the opportunity just because I was having a skewed perspective.

I bring all this up because I’ve met a lot of dads (and moms) who bemoan the fact that they have always wanted to be able to teach someone the gospel, to have personal work or evangelistic studies and help others get to heaven. They are sincere about that, but they consistently overlook the very people God gave them to teach.

Why not set up your first weekly Bible study? Why not do it with your children? You can do it with them as a group or work with each of them individually. Either way, if you’re looking for someone to share the gospel with, why not do it with your kids. They need it too.

And remember, God’s way works for your family.

Don’t Be Irritable–Love Yourself

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(If you’ve stumbled across thist post, let me explain where you are. You have landed smack in the middle of one of my favorite series ever. We started some time ago by learning that God expects us to love ourselves. Now, we’re going through the definition of love in I Corinthians 13:4-7 to help us understand how we can love ourselves in a healthy way so can love others better. Go back to that first post to read the series from the beginning and to find an index of all the posts available. Enjoy today’s post as well.)

Don’t Be Irritable with Yourself

I’m told that anger turned inward is a working definition of depression. Thus, to help ourselves overcome depression, we must learn to relieve that kind of anger. We don’t have to be irritable with ourselves.

Don’t misunerstand. We do things wrong. There are times when anger even at ourselves is justified. But we don’t need to let that anger turn into a simmering, just-below-the-surface irritability.

Irritability is not out and out anger. It is not the clamoring and wrath and explosion. Rather, it is that low-lying frustration we carry with us just below the surface. It is something not easily seen. However, when little things happen, this irritability ignites the flame of clamor, wrath, and explosion. Irritibality is not the flame. Rather, it is more like the pilot light that stays lit all the time so that when the fuel hits it, the fire gets going. If we can remove the pilot light, we can prevent many of the burns.

We are allowed to love ourselves. We don’t have to be continually exasperated, frustrated, or irritated with ourselves. The fact is we all mess up. We all make mistakes. We all sin. We are growing; we aren’t perfect yet. While we must not ignore these sins and we must take them seriously, we do not have to respond with a constant barage of berating ourselves. We do not have to hang on to the irritation.

We need to be comfortable in our own skin instead of always being under our own skin. This means we have to learn to be gentle with ourselves, patient with ourselves, accepting of ourselves.

One of the best ways to remove this irritation is to remember that God is working on us. According to Philippians 2:12-13, God is working in us both to work and to will for His good pleasure. Further, according to Romans 8:28-30, God is working on conforming us to the image of His Son. According to I Peter 5:10, God will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us. When we remember that God is working on us, being patient with us, and accepting us where we are while working on our weaknesses, we can do the same.

If God is accepting me right now, I can too. I’m not improving myself or my standing with God by carrying the irritation or berating myself. If you’re like me, there is part of you that thinks you can make up for the sin by ranting and raving at yourself, being really angry at yourself, and not letting yourself live down the sins. That doesn’t work. What works is allowing the blood of Jesus to cleanse your conscience so you can be set free to serve the living God (Hebrews 9:14). If you are carrying irritability, you will simply provoke yourself to the same or different sins.

Please understand, loving yourself does not mean ignoring your sins. Rather, it means dealing with your sins properly. Instead of trying to pay for your sins by your own anger, take your sins to Jesus and let Him pay for them. Let His sacrifice purify you and your conscience, but not so you can just keep sinning whenever you want. Rather, let Him purify your conscience so you may serve the living God.

Don’t live in a fantasy land that says you don’t sin or your sins don’t matter. That simply isn’t true. But neither must you let your sins, mistakes, or weaknesses, push you to continued harshness and exasperation with yourself. Even Paul was gentle with himself about his weaknesses. He said he would boast in his weaknesses rather than be irritated with himself about them. Why? Because his weaknesses were what reminded him he needed God. Without the recognition of his weaknesses, he would not have known how much he needed God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). He would have been lost on his own way which would have ended in death (Proverbs 14:12).

Yes, you make many mistakes. You are growing; you aren’t perfect. But instead of being irritable, love yourself. God loves you even though you’ve made all those mistakes. You can too.

(Come back next Monday as we learn to love ourselves God’s way instead of resenting ourselves.)