God's Way Works

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A Springboard for Your Family Life

12 Things You Say to Your Family When You Interrupt

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Last week, my buddy Clay Gentry reminded me of some great wisdom. Don’t interrupt; Listen.

Proverbs 18:13 says: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” This is great advice for all of life, but especially applies in the family. It especially applies there because I think the family relationship is where we are most likely to disregard this proverbial tidbit. After all, our family has to live with us. How easily we take those relationships for granted and just run roughshod over the ones we claim to love the most.

I know I struggle with this. My wife has waged a never ending battle against my tendency to interrupt. I like to think I’m doing better after almost 14 years of marriage. She may have something else to say about that.

What I try to remind myself and want to share with you is there are non-verbal messages we send through interruption that we probably don’t intend. We usually don’t mean them, at least not on a conscious level. The subconscious level is something we may have to work through with some help. I’ve had to learn what my wife and kids hear when I incessantly interrupt. If they hear it, whether I mean this or not, I’m saying it. 

If you have a problem with interrupting, you need to recognize what you are saying to your spouse, kids, parents and everyone else. Here are 12 things you say every time you interrupt your family. 

 

  1. I’m not listening to you.
  2. You’re not important to me.
  3. You’re thoughts and feelings are not important to me.
  4. What you’re saying is stupid. After all, if it were intelligent I would shut up and listen.
  5. I don’t respect you or what you’re saying.
  6. I don’t love you.
  7. I don’t have time for you.
  8. I’m too important to listen to you.
  9. You’re just wrong, listen to me.
  10. I’m not even considering what you are saying.
  11. You’re boring.
  12. Will you just shut up?

 

Yikes! I don’t want to say any of that to my wife or kids. Yet, I’ve said it way too many times. Sorry. 

So, how do we overcome this? Come back next Tuesday to find out.

Help Your Kids Stay Off Drugs, Pt. 3–Teach Them to Talk About Things

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The three rules of unhealthy families are

Rule #1: Don’t Feel

Rule #2: Don’t Trust

Rule #3: Don’t Talk

We’ve learned over the past two weeks that these rules are a sure fire way to lead our kids into addictions and failed relationships. I’ll repeat, there’s no fool proof way of having happy healthy kids. But we can certainly give our kids a leg up if we learn to break these rules. 

Nobody thinks they live by the last rule. At least, I haven’t been with any families who declare they have taken a vow of silence. They talk. They talk about football, baseball and the Olympics. They discuss the weather. They share the latest office gossip. They talk about every one else’s problems. But when it comes to anything truly deep, meaningful and personal, they are silent as the grave. Instead of talking, they toss around jokes (all the while declaring the jokes demonstrate they are emotionally healthy), they rage, they minimize, they sidestep, they stonewall. 

Few families actually allow talk about feelings, problems or embarrassing situations. There may be a huge pink elephant in the room. Most families will walk gingerly around it and never say anything, pretending it’s not in the way and doesn’t smell.

We’ll start with the big pink elephant rearing its head in this blog post. Junior comes home from school and says, “Mom, what’s oral sex?” Mom gasps and drops her coffee cup on the floor. As she hurriedly runs to grab a towel she shouts, “Where did you hear about that?” “Tommy said his older brother’s girlfriend does it.” “What!? We don’t talk about that. I don’t want you talking to Tommy anymore.” Junior just learned, in his family, you’re not allowed to talk about sex. Where will Junior go one day when he’s experiencing sexual feelings and is really interested in finding out more about it? Not Mom and Dad, it’s against the rules to talk about sex in their family.

How about this scenario? Susie’s still dressed in her volleyball uniform when Dad gets home from work late. “Dad, you said you’d be at my game this time.” Dad, already frustrated from a tough day at the office harshly replies, “Look, I don’t want to talk about it. When you’re an adult you’ll understand.” What did Susie learn? Her family doesn’t talk about hurts and feelings. Where will she go one day when she’s really hurt by some young man? Not her parents. We don’t talk about hurts here. 

Or yet another. Pre-teen Johnny asks his Mom, “Why does our church do such and such? Jimmy’s church doesn’t do that.” Mom, likely not very sure herself responds, “Because that’s what God said and I won’t let you go around questioning what God said. Do you understand me, young man?” What did Johnny learn? In our family we aren’t allowed to talk about spiritual questions and especially disagreements. Where will Johnny go one day when he’s really having a crisis of faith? Not his parents. They don’t talk about spiritual matters in their family.

I hate to bring up this one because this is one where I follow the rules too often. Dad rebukes Mary for something. Mary, having been unjustly accused and misunderstood, “But, Dad…” “No ‘buts,’ young lady. You will listen to me and you won’t give me any lip. Do you understand?” What did Mary learn? I’m not allowed to talk about injustice when I’ve been wronged or speak up in my own defense. Where will Mary go when someone touches her inappropriately and made her feel uncomfortable and dirty? Not to Mom and Dad. She’s knows what the person did was wrong but knows just as firmly her parents will blame her and she’s not allowed to speak up in her own defense.

Things we’re definitely not allowed to talk about. Dad’s alcoholism, Mom’s raging fits. The black sheep older brother who’s taking drugs and got a girl pregnant. The teenager next door who has spiked green hair and a chain running from his pierced nose to his pierced ear. We don’t talk about sex. We don’t talk about death and dying. We don’t talk about our hurts. We don’t talk about our feelings. We’re not allowed to say we’re sad. We’re definitely not allowed to say we’re mad. If we ever say we’re anything but happy, someone might even bring God into the picture, saying, “God doesn’t like it when you’re sad. You better cheer up now or I’ll give you something to cry about.” We learn that we’re not good Christians if we ever say we’re anything but, “I’m blessed.”

There’s a great little scene in the 1995 Emma Thompson version of Sense and Sensibility. Following a very trying lunch and afternoon with Mrs. Jennings, who was trying to figure out if the Dashwood girls had any suitors, Marianne rebuked Margaret for parading ignorant assumptions about a Mr. F being engaged to their sister Elinor. Marianne speaks ill of Mrs. Jennings and Margaret pipes up in her defense and Mrs. Dashwood, the girls’ mother, cuts the conversation short.

Margaret: I like her, she talks about things. We never talk about things.

Mrs. Dashwood: Hush, please. That is enough Margaret. If you cannot think of anything appropriate to say you will please restrict your remarks to the weather.

And thus we learn we are not allowed to talk about “things.” No, we haven’t taken a vow of silence, but since we’re not allowed to feel and we don’t trust anyone with our feelings anyway, we don’t talk about “things.” Sadly, in this scenario we know many things about the people with whom we live, but we don’t actually know them. And we certainly don’t want them to know us. After all, we haven’t talked about it because we don’t trust them.

Certainly, we need structure in our homes. Children should speak with respect. Children do need to learn some conversations are not appropriate in certain settings. However, we do need to let our children know it is good to talk about things. We need to learn to talk about things. Let us not restrict our remarks to the weather.

Help Your Kids Stay Off Drugs Pt 2–Teach Them to Trust

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We continue our series on the three unhealthy family rules, by which too many families live.

Rule #1: Don’t Feel

Rule #2: Don’t Trust

Rule #3: Don’t Talk

Last week, we pointed out living by these rules are some of the biggest causes of addictions as we grow up. These are the reasons that some people can go through detox, endure the withdrawal period, seem to be clean, come home and go right back to their addiction. It’s more than physical. Because they learned they weren’t supposed to feel, learned not to trust and learned not to talk, they have nowhere to turn to deal with the feelings coming up, so they medicate them.

We learned about how we can teach our children not to feel in part 1. In just the same way, we must teach our children to trust. Relationships are built on trust. Without trust, you can’t have vulnerability. Without vulnerability, you can’t have emotional, mental or spiritual intimacy. Without emotional, mental or spiritual intimacy you can’t have a good relationship.

Of course, some are saying, “You have to be careful teaching your kids to trust people. They can really get hurt.” See, you learned this lesson while growing up too.

“Oh no, I’ve never taught my children not to trust me or not to trust anyone.” Good, I hope that’s the case. I know for me, I’ve violated this rule too many times and I’ve seen it violated.

Let me share 8 ways we teach our children not to trust.

1. Gossip

Not gossiping about our kids. Gossiping about other people in front of our kids. Kids aren’t stupid. They can see when we treat others well to their faces and then talk about all their flaws, faults and problems behind their backs. What do we think they learn from that? They can only surmise we do the same to them. All those nice things we say to their faces won’t mean squat because they’re sure we must be talking badly about them behind their backs. 

Additionally, since most of their relationships are going to be fundamentally based on what they learn from us, they’ll think everyone must do that. Everyone must gossip. Everyone must say nice things to their faces but bad things behind their backs. It will be hard for anyone to break through that wall and gain their trust.

We must watch what we say to and about others. Our kids are learning to trust or not.

2. Belittling

This ties in with the Don’t Feel rule. Have you ever laughed at your child when they shared that something hurt them or bothered them? That is so easy to do. Their problems are so small. To us they seem insignificant and humorous. In the big scheme of things they may not matter that much. But they matter that much to them. If we belittle them by laughing at them when they open up to share their feelings, they learn not to trust us with their feelings.

Or what about this practical example. One of our children confides in us that she kind of likes a certain boy. Then every time we see that boy we needle the child. “Oh look, there’s so and so.” Or even worse, “Hey so and so, look who’s here.” What have we told our daughter? “I can’t be trusted with your feelings about boys. Don’t share anything with me, I’ll only hurt or embarrass you with it.”

3. Mocking

When emotions come out, they can be…well…emotional. In our culture, truly expressing emotions is not the norm (which will lead us directly into the Don’t Talk rule that will come next week), therefore when they come out we might mock them. 

“Big boys don’t cry.” “Quit being such a sensitive girl.” Or worse, we might even mock their crying and then laugh at them. With little children their attempts to express their anger can easily come off seeming a little silly. The last thing we want to do is make fun of their expressions of anger. To add insult to injury, how often do we store up the story of our child’s emotions to share with our spouses when they get home. We tell the story and share a good laugh at the child’s expense. 

All our kids learn from this is we can’t be trusted with their feelings.

4. Betraying confidences

Sometimes we can feel our kids’ secrets are not nearly as important as ours. Who really cares if we tell our friends about our son’s girl troubles or about our daughter’s fears when she had her first menstrual cycle? It’s not like these are issues of national security. We know no one will look down on them. Those really aren’t big deals. 

Once again, it is to our kids. We need to remember how we felt when we were kids. Sharing these kinds of secrets was big stuff. We were laying our heart on the line. We were making ourselves extremely vulnerable. I know that as we got older and started dealing with bigger things we came to believe those issues weren’t so big. But back then they were huge. Even though one day our kids will also come to realize those things were not that big, the feeling of betrayal will linger even when they can’t remember why. They’ll learn not to trust others.

5. Broken promises

How do we feel when someone tells us they will do something and then they don’t? For our kids it is ten times worse when their own parent makes a promise and then breaks it. Our children don’t have the mental capacity or experience to understand about our work and other responsibilities. They just know we promised and we didn’t follow through. 

The first thing this means is we need to be careful what we promise and commit to. If we’re loose with making promises and commitments we can’t keep, our kids will lose trust. Keep in mind, you don’t have to say, “I promise” for a child to think we’ve promised. If we say we’re going to do something, we had better do it. Otherwise, our kids learn people can’t be trusted to do what they say.

Certainly, there are times when promises get broken and we couldn’t help it. In these cases, we must validate and affirm our child’s feelings of sadness, anger, betrayal. Don’t berate them for their feelings. Remember how you feel when someone brakes a promise to you. Then apologize and make an amends. Don’t offer excuses and justifications. Make amends and ask for forgiveness. But don’t let this become a habit. I believe our children are resilient. But I also believe they are smart. They can see when you just have a habit of lying but then trying to make nice to get out of it.

6. Overreaction to mistakes

I am certainly a believer in corporal punishment. I believe there is a time to use the rod of discipline. However, if we hold our kids to adult standards and then overreact with discipline because they acted like kids, they’ll learn to fear, not trust us. I believe our children have a sense of justice. They can learn early on that misbehavior warrants appropriate discipline. My wife and I have had great conversations with our kids in which we agreed together about disciplinary measures for certain issues of disobedience and rebellion.

Sadly, some of us don’t react with appropriate discipline. We overreact because we’re angry, inconvenienced, frustrated, embarrassed. In these cases, our children learn we can’t be trusted with their mistakes. If we yell, scream and belittle because our child accidentally spilled his milk, telling him accidents wouldn’t happen if he just paid more attention, we shouldn’t be surprised when our child doesn’t want to come talk to us when he’s older and has made some really big mistakes. How many prodigals don’t make the trip home because they learned early on they couldn’t trust their parents with their mistakes.

7. Don’t believe them

I know this is tough. Our kids don’t have a highly developed sense of morality. They haven’t figured out the morality of telling truth and lies. So sometimes they will lie out of self-preservation. They’re not actively choosing to be immoral, they’re just kids. That being the case, we sometimes run on the default belief that our kids aren’t telling the truth. Perhaps we are afraid that others will think we’re being soft with our kids. 

I recall one time when an adult called to tell me about how my daughter was picking on her grandson. The truth of the matter was the boys had been picking on the girls first and the girls were just retaliating out of a sense of self-defense. What would have happened if I had ignored my daughter’s explanation and assumed she was lying? I would have taught her that I don’t trust her. I would haver taught her that I don’t trust people. If I don’t trust people, why should she?

8. Don’t trust them

Too many parents codependently follow their kids around checking up on them to make sure they did what they said, did it the right way, did it the parents’ way. They don’t trust their kids to do what’s right and it is betrayed in the way they deal with them. Every conversation is a cross-examination about whereabouts, who are you withs and what are you doings.

Look, I know it’s tough. We are concerned for our kids. However, what we need to work on is modeling right behavior, teaching right behavior, preparing them to face temptations and then trusting them to do the right thing. This is increasingly true the older our children get and should be a way of life for us once they are grown and out of our house. 

Here’s the key, if we’ve let them learn it is okay to feel and then to trust, when they make mistakes, they’ll know. They’ll feel guilty and they’ll talk to us about it. Then we have opportunity to let them learn positively from their mistakes. Taking the other approach is a vicious cycle. When we show our children we don’t trust, they won’t trust us. They’ll do wrong things but be afraid to talk to us about it. Then they’ll just sit in their shame and guilt. Having no healthy release for these feelings, they’ll look to medicate them by pursuing those same mistakes that got them here in the first place. The less we trust them, the less they trust us, the more mistakes they make, the more they look rebellious, the less we trust them…

 

Yes, it is true. Sooner or later, when we teach our children to trust, they’ll get burned by someone. However, if we’ve lived in such a way that they can trust us, they’ll talk to us about it and we can help them through it in a healthy way.

If you really want to keep your kids away from addictions, let them feel and be trustable. As I said last week, there is no fool proof formula. However, when you follow this, you’ll give your kids a leg up against addiction. Additionally, you’ll give them a leg up for serenity and peace in their marriage, relationships and life.

Help Your Kids Stay Off Drugs, Let Them Feel

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Most families learn and live by three major but unhealthy rules. 

1. Don’t Feel.

2. Don’t Trust

3. Don’t Talk

We’ll talk about the others over the next few weeks; today the first one is on my mind. I have been tested on this two times in as many days. 

Test #1

Over the weekend, Ryan cut his upper lip. It formed an unattractive scab underneath his nose. In fact, to be honest, it kind of stood out like a sore thumb. On Monday morning, I walked into his room and he had put a band-aid on. But he was also covering his mouth and saying, “I don’t want to go to school today.” The whole reason is he was embarrassed by the bandage and the cut. For an instant, my old sin enslaved self started to rear up. I reached for the band-aid to yank it off and harshly rebuke him saying, “You don’t need that stupid band-aid, take it off.” Fortunately, none of that happened. I caught myself and I stopped myself. Instead, I hugged him. Told him it was okay to be embarrassed but that he couldn’t stay home from school just because he had a cut lip. He was going to have to work through it. I also told him I didn’t think he needed the band-aid, but he was having none of that.

I was proud of him when just before he left to go wait on the driveway for the bus, I noticed the band-aid was off and he was happy.

Test #2

Last night, the weather report was that we were going to get snow. Ethan is only 9. He assumed the weather report had to be true. He wanted to stay up since he wasn’t going to school today. I had to explain to him the weather is wrong sometimes and we needed to go ahead and act like school was on schedule. Sadly, when Ethan’s alarm went off this morning. He looked outside and there was no snow. 

As I was getting ready, I thought I heard some strange noises coming from the boys’ bedroom. I walked in and Ethan was lying face down on the bed crying. The old sin-enslaved me started to rear up again. For an instant, I wanted to say, “Quit your whining and acting like a cry baby. We don’t always get what we want. Now buck up and finish getting ready for school.” Fortunately, that didn’t happen. Instead, I called him to me and gave him a hug. I let him know it was okay to be sad because he didn’t get the snow he wanted. However, even though he was sad, the next right thing was to get ready for school. Of course, I explained that we don’t always get what we want and it’s okay to be sad about that. However, we still have to keep our responsibilities. He laid back down for a few minutes and then finished getting ready.

The Springboard

Sadly, because the feelings of our children are often inconvenient (trust me, I don’t pass this test every time), we often act like their feelings are inappropriate or invalid. Even more sadly, when we do this, the message our kids get is not, “Buck up and move on,” but rather, “You are not valid.” Certainly, I know we should not be governed strictly by our feelings and emotions. However, we should be free to feel them.

Consider Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and do not sin…” First, you need to know the phrase “be angry” is passive. That is, it is not talking about someone who is just angry. Rather, it is talking about someone who has been caused to be angry. But the anger is not wrong. They are allowed to feel the anger. Of course, when they are angered, they still have responsibilities. They cannot allow their anger to lead them to sin. But, they are allowed to feel the anger.

This is a guide for me for all emotions. My kids are allowed to be angry. They are allowed to be happy. They are allowed to be sad. They are allowed to be embarrassed. They are allowed to feel lonely, guilty, ashamed or afraid. They are allowed to feel frustrated. My job is not to squelch or strike these emotions out of their life. My job is to help them deal with them in a healthy way. My job is to help them avoid sin when they are feeling these emotions. 

Why the Title About Drugs?

I didn’t just put the title in to pique your interest. What we are discussing here is actually the heart of addictions–whether substance or process addictions. You see, the number one cause for addiction is not simply experimentation (though I don’t advise experimentation). The number one cause for addiction is having to deal with feelings I have become convinced are not valid. The anger, fear, sadness, loneliness, etc. will be there even if we try to beat it out of our kids (You know, “Stop crying or I’ll give you a reason…”). 

If we allow our kids to feel and use those as opportunities to teach them how to respond appropriately to feelings, they’ll be healthy. On the other hand, if we don’t let them feel, they’ll need to start doing something with those feelings. They’ll need to medicate them. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, television, internet, video games, food, they can all become addictive. 

Don’t get me wrong, there is no fail proof way to keep your kids from any of those things. But the number one key to give them a leg up and a push in the right direction is don’t give them a reason to medicate their feelings. Let them feel, affirm them in their feelings, guide them in their feelings, teach them how to deal with those feelings.

Of course, you cant’ give what you don’t have. If you’re constantly medicating your own feelings, get help or you’ll just perpetuate the cycle with your kids.

The #1 Key to Having Peace and Happiness in Your Marriage

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Photo by JoEllen Gilbert

I know my title seems too good to be true. You can’t possibly have a #1 key to make your marriage happy and peaceful. But there really is this kind of a powerful key. Before I share it with you, let me warn you, it’s not easy. I’m not sharing it with you because I’ve got it down. I just know it works.

Are you ready?

The #1 key to having peace and happiness in your marriage (and in any relationship for that matter) is replace your sense of entitlement with a sense of service.

“AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH! That’s too hard,” you cry.

Like I said, it’s not easy. But it will work. (Warning: I’m a guy. I have illustrations from the husband’s perspective. I don’t mean to leave wives out. For all of you women, just understand that for me to actually live by this principle, I have to think about this from my standpoint. So, even though my illustrations are from my perspective, you can transfer them to a woman’s perspective and get the same lesson).

The fact is, why do I get angry with my wife? Usually because I feel like she has done something to me that I didn’t deserve or she hasn’t done something I think I deserve. My sense of entitlement is ignited and I begin to resent her. Then I just get downright angry. We start to fight. Of course, she joins right in the fight because now her sense of entitlement kicks in.

What happens if I remove my sense of entitlement. What if I don’t come home with the feeling that I deserve to have supper on the table as I walk through the door? What if I don’t do the dishes with the mindset I should get a reward for it later? What if I don’t judge every word out of her mouth through my “you owe me respect” filter? Perhaps I won’t be provoked as often.

But let’s add the second half of this #1 key. What if I not only removed by sense of entitlement but also replaced it with a sense of service? What if I came home looking for opportunities to help my wife make supper? What if I did the dishes because I love my wife and family and not in order to have sex? What if spoke to my wife in a way that said I loved and served her? Do you think that might impact my marriage.

I’m a Christian, and, sadly, all too often I’ve heard other Christians throw Bible verses at their spouse: “The Bible says you’re supposed to love me!” “The Bible says you’re supposed to respect me!” “The Bible says you have to put out because your body is not your own!” “The Bible says you’re supposed to sacrifice for me like Christ did the church!” 

I’ll admit, the Bible says some things to our spouses. However, all those passages on marriage were not given to us to throw at our spouses. They were given to us so we could learn how we are supposed to act. I say we make a pact with ourselves and God. We will no longer attack our spouses with Bible verses that say what they are supposed to do. Instead, we will replace our sense of entitlement with a sense of service. We’ll look at ourselves and what the Bible asks of us. We won’t assume that because we are working extra hard to do what we are supposed to that it means our spouse now owes us a response in kind. That is just sneaking entitlement in the back door. We need to perform the actions of love because we love, not because we hope it will get us some reward. 

Please, don’t anyone ask Marita how well I do at this. This is a growth process. I’m not anywhere near perfect on it. I have some good days and I have some bad days. I am thankful, however, that I have finally identified this principle. Maybe it will take hold even deeper. Hold me to it.

Spend Time With Your Kids While There’s Still Time

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The lead singer of one of my favorite bands of the 90s and 00s has gone…I hate to say it…country. Darius Rucker, lead singer for Hootie and the Blowfish, recently released a country album, “Learn to Live.” Some friends let me borrow the cd. Surprisingly, I like it. I guess I’m going soft in my music as I get older. Or maybe it’s just because despite the country sounding instrumentation, the voice is still Darius Rucker.

As much as I liked it, I couldn’t help but laugh as I listened to the first song, “Forever Road,” in which the singer promised to be committed to the woman to whom he was singing no matter what. They would work out every problem because they were walking on “Forever Road.” Then I listened to the second song, “All I Want.” In this one, the singer tells the woman he says he loves that the relationship just won’t work and it isn’t worth it to work on the problems so she can take the house, the car and even all the money he makes off this song, “All I want you to leave me is alone.” I kept laughing when the third song, “Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It,” was all about the regret of leaving a woman and finding out that she had married someone else. He wondered where they might be today if he had just turned around instead of being so filled with pride.

Another interesting contrast was between songs 9 and 10—“Drinkin’ and Dialin’” and “I Hope They Get To Me In Time.” Song 9 is about a drinker who wants everyone to forgive him if he calls them while he’s drunk. The first verse talks about him waking up with an old girlfriend trying to put together all the dots of what happened the night before. Song 10, however, is about a man who has been in a wreck because of a drunk driver. His life is flashing before his eyes as he hears the sirens and hopes they get to him in time.

Song 11, “While I Still Got the Time,” is the song of a middle-aged man wanting to turn over a new leaf while he still has the time. Finally, by song 12, he’s back to having the perfect woman. In fact, she’s so perfect he warns every other man who doesn’t want to settle down, they need to “Be Wary of a Woman” like his.

The real reason I bring this album up on family day, however, is because of song 8, “It Won’t Be Like This for Long.” It tells the story of a young father up all night because his newborn little girl was up all night. His wife tells him it will be alright; “It Won’t Be Like This for Long.” Then his little girl is 4 years old and going to preschool. When he drops her off, she’s caterwauling and won’t let go of him. The teacher peels her off his neck and he says, “What can I do?” She lets him know it’s not a big deal because “It Won’t Be Like This for Long.” In a week or two, he’ll leave and she won’t even know he’s gone. The man realizes in a little while, she’ll be a teenager, he’ll think she hates him some times. Then he’ll take her down the aisle and leave her with someone else.

I made Marita listen to this song so we could cry about it together. One-year-old Trina danced around the room oblivious to our tears. Eleven-year-old Tessa was up in her room reading. Though I hadn’t heard this song until last night, I live with its message every day. It was just yesterday Tessa was dancing around the room, barely able to stay on her feet. Now she’s 11. In another day or two, she’ll be leaving us for her own family. Then right behind her Ethan, Ryan and finally Trina.

Of course, I know there are all kinds of rewards from grown children and hopefully from their children as well. However, it just reminds me that it won’t be like this for long. Tessa will only be 11 for one year. Trina will only be 1 for one year. It would be awful for me to waste that time just writing on this blog, keeping up with Facebook and Twitter or trying to make money.

Another song on the album was “History in the Making.”

The singer was actually talking about his first kiss with some girl. They needed to savor the moment because they were making a memory, it was history in the making. He was singing about a girlfriend. But the principle is the same for my family. Each day is history in the making. We are creating memories. One day, my children will sit around talking about what things were like when they were young. What kind of memories will they share? Will they remember Mom and Dad sitting at their various computers keeping up with old high school buddies or will they remember us playing games, talking, working together.

I’m not saying there is no time for keeping up with blogs or other work. I’m just saying, it won’t be like this for long. As you hand off your kids to someone else or drop them off at their college dorm, you won’t look back and wish you had spent more time on the computer. Trust me on this one.