Last night was an all-time high for me. I was faced with a choice and I think I made the right one. We attempted to go to the movies on Valentines day. It was absolutely packed. We left. So, yesterday I told the boys I would take them to the movies, just them and Dad. It was going to be great. That is, until we got in the car and started to head north to Franklin and discovered the snow had started to stick and was making the roads very slippery. It was coming down torrentially (can snow come in torrents or is that just rain). I was sure it would be much worse in three hours when it came time to come home. So we just made the loop and went back home.
Ethan, who really wanted to see this movie, having already read the book, was crushed. Two days in a row of getting his hopes up and then getting them dashed at the last possible moment was just more than his ten-year-old psyche could handle. He started crying.
Now, my selfish, hardnosed self wanted to say, “Buck up. Don’t you realize this is small potatoes? Don’t you understand that we’ll see the movie later? Quit crying.” But God must have been doing for me what I can’t do for myself. In that moment, I remembered Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” It doesn’t say tell the weeping that what upsets them is unimportant. It doesn’t say simply try to cheer them up. It doesn’t say discount why they are weeping. It doesn’t say tell them to stop weeping or tell them to buck up. It says weep with those who weep. With that verse in mind I tried to understand what it must be like to have your heart set on something and two days in a row have it come crashing down. It may not be a big deal to me, but it is to him. I tried to think of some scenario in which I would be just as disappointed and sad. I can think of the time I was going to get to see all my friends from Beaumont after doing some preaching in Houston but a hurricane came through and we were all fleeing for our lives. I was extremely sad. I remember being crushed. It was nobody’s fault, that’s just the way it was, but I was so upset about it.
When we got home, I took Ethan to my room, sat in the lazyboy we have up there, and just held him as he cried. I’m very glad that my son feels safe enough with me to let his emotions show. I’m very glad that he was willing to let me hold him and console him. We were able to talk about how life is just disappointing sometimes and its okay to be sad. He then wanted to go see his mom and I let him.
That was a victory for me. I hope the next time one of my children cry, I can have the same Romans 12:15 mindset.
Thank you for this post. It's really hard to remember this most of the time.
It's hard for me to remember it most of the time as well. That's why staying in the word is so important. The more we are in it, the more it comes to us in our times of need.
Edwin,
I really needed this reminder. With the family changes we've had, it's been difficult on everyone and there is a LOT of crying/whining going on. Some of it falls in the category of complaining and that needs to stop. But there are true tears of sorrow and I need to remember to let them get that out.
Thank you for sharing this important message!
Thanks for the comment Ben. With great change can come great sorrow and trouble. Our kids need us to come alongside them and help them through it, not expect them to "buck up like adults" and handle it stoicly.
One thought, it is true that some complaining and whining should stop. But, perhaps a better understanding for us as parents is not simply to teach that complaining should stop, but to teach our children how to express their complaints in appropriately respectful ways. Just as we want our complaints heard sometimes, because we believe they are valid, so do our kids. I'm trying to learn how to do that because my natural mode is simply to get fed up and shout, "Shut up!" I'm not sure that is what I really want my kids remembering about me.
All I can say is, "Ow." Got me right in the heart.
I too often jump on my kids instead of trying to figure out what's truly going on with them. I reckon that's not very loving, is it?
Thanks, Brother.
Glad I'm not the only one.