My Macbook cratered while I was in New York this past weekend (I thought that wasn’t supposed to happen to Macs). That’s why no post hit the internet yesterday. We’ll get back to the lessons in maturity next week (hopefully, I am traveling then as well so that is a bit up in the air).
How do you feel when you see someone and their eyes light up? I love it.
Yesterday, I got in the family car at the airport after a long weekend trip to New York (great trip, by the way, thanks for asking). While most of the family was clamoring to get me to take them out to eat, my two year old simply smiled and exclaimed, “Daddyyyyyy!” It was as if I was the only important person in her world at that moment. She was glad to see me (and not merely to ask for something out of my wallet). It melted my heart and made me glad to be alive.
If that is how I felt when she treated me that way, how will my family feel if I treat them that way all the time. It is so easy to get caught up in the rat-race, humdrum of every day living that we take our spouse and kids for granted. We walk in the house after a long day of work, our spouse walks in after a day at work or an errand to the store, our kids walk in after a day of school or time outside playing with friends, and we act like it is no big deal. What if every time we walked into the house or our family did, we dropped the cares of the world, the pressures of work, the frustrations of the day and acted like we were absolutely, truly, and utterly excited about being in the presence of these people? What if we commonly ran up to give hugs and act like we were lucky to see this person again. After all, that last time we saw them could have been the last time we ever saw them. But now we get to see them again.
I’m not naive. I know none of us will act like this all the time. But what if we made it a habit to show our kids and spouse that they are the sparkle of our eye? At the very least, let our faces brighten when we see them. Smile and let the smile get to our eyes. Demonstrate that we are happy they are with us.
I’m betting that 30 seconds of smiles and hugs will totally change the tenor of our homes. I know it will be tough sometimes because the days are troublesome. It’s easy to just walk in the house and let the day’s anxieties seep out at our families, but let’s make it our goal to walk in the house today with a smile and let the family know how glad we are to see them because they are the sparkle in our eye. Do that first. There will be time to share the stresses in a few minutes, first let’s share the joy of getting to see each other again.
Thanks for this post! It brought tears to my eyes! I truly needed it!
You're welcome. Thanks for reading.
The simple little things that you point out really hit home with me. You are so inspiring. Since I have been reading your blog I have started to grow closer to Jennifer, my oldest, just by letting her express her opinion means so much to her. Just the other day, she came home from school crying talking about how her friend was being mean and talking ugly to her. Since her mother was not at home I told myself that this was a perfect time to step up and take care of a situation. We sat down and at first she did not want to talk to me about what was going on but after prying for a little bit (the cop in me keeps prying for answers) she started to open up and after 45 minutes she had realized that the whole ordeal was just that. “Little”. We laughed and I told her stories of my school days and how kids are just mean. It doesn’t matter who you are, if a kids can get a laugh they will hurt someone’s feelings and not think anything of it. I told her that when she goes to school the next day a couple of things could happen, her friend will try to continue to make fun because she knows it bothers her and she will find it funny or they will forget about it and they will play together like nothing ever happened. Sure enough, they played together like nothing happened. When she got home she told me that she and the other girl talked about it and how Jennifer’s feelings were hurt and they hugged and things turned out great.
This is the first time that I have actually sat down with Jennifer and had a heart to heart with her. I feel great about it and see that the door has been opened in our communication. It may only be a crack right now, but the door is still open.
Thanks Edwin…..
Awesome, Jeff. It's those little moments that turn into huge quality time. Jennifer won't soon forget that talk and it will pave the way for her to talk to you about more serious matters as time goes on. By the way, I hope none of the stories you told about people being mean involved me. 😉
Let me just comment on this scenario a little more. If you're like me, the natural reaction would be, "Oh man, I don't want to deal with a crying kid today." And then harshly saying, "Stop you're crying. Big kids don't cry. Nothing is that bad." And then I would force my opinion of how the situation didn't matter down her throat. No doubt, she would have stopped crying do to the threat of discipline, but she wouldn't have been helped at all. What's worse, she would have learned, "I can't tell Dad anything." Regrettably, I have had too many encounters like that with my kids. I'm having to work on this too.
What you did was great because you let her feel her feelings. As adults, we may know that the situation wasn't really all that bad, but we need to remember back when folks were mean to us. It was huge back then. She needs to know that her feelings are valid because that translates inside her that she is valid as a person and you gave her that. You let her decide on her own how big or little the issue was after she was able to express what she felt. You didn't force your perception on her. Perhaps the key in this situation is you opened up about your own experiences. "You mean my big dad used to be a little kid and have to deal with mean people too?" What an enlightenment for your daughter. She no longer has to see you as the guy who never let anything bother him or ever had troubles. You're a fellow human growing along with the rest of us. Finally, you gave her a heads up about what would happen next. You prepared her for the next day.
Jeff, thanks for this great example. I hope when I get home today, I can follow it.
You hit that nail right on the head… And no you were not one that treated me mean. You were one of the few I enjoyed hanging out with. Oh the stories I could share with your kids about you… LOL
Ummm…could you please wait until they are a little bit older before you share those stories? 😉