Some friends were over last night and we watched Dan in Real Life for what must have been the 10th time for Marita and me. I just love that movie.
Granted, I have to say I don’t buy the Hollywood message that we really can know true love in just three days. I think Dan was right the first time when he said that was infatuation and not real love. On the other hand, real love can grow out of that infatuation if they work hard for the years to come.
However, what I really wanted to highlight in today’s Springboard for Your Family is how easy it is to give good advice and not really pay attention to it yourself.
Steve Carell plays Dan Burns, a widowed parenting advice columnist with three daughters. While at a yearly extended family weekend, he meets a woman at a bookstore and feels an immediate connection. When he gets back to the family house, he discovers this woman is actually his brother’s girlfriend. Then the fun really begins.
It’s a romantic comedy of errors as Dan tries to shut off his feelings for Marie and in the process breaks nearly every bit of advice he would offer parents with his own girls. I see me in Dan. Don’t get me wrong, I never wanted to date my brothers’ girlfriend (especially since my brothers are more than a decade younger than I am). But I do, sadly, often break the very advice I would offer others about how to relate to my wife and children.
Hey, this is about progress not perfection. But, at the same time, before we spend all our time telling everyone else how they should parent, taking their inventory about their relationships, we need to take our own inventory. In fact, before we tell our spouse how to live and behave to fix our marriage, we should look at how we are behaving. Before we tell our kids or parents how to behave, we should look at how we are behaving.
In the end, Dan finally gets the girl, makes amends with his daughters and gets the girl. His brother finds someone else and all is well for Dan in Real Life. Granted, real life doesn’t always work out so handsomely. But it will always come out better if we look at how we are behaving first.
Just for fun, here’s the trailer:
That IS a good film! I forgot I had seen it till you described it. There have been times when I've followed my own advice so poorly that I determined just not to give it anymore. That is impractical, because there will always be people close to me who desire and appreciate my thoughts, but those wake-up calls have been necessary to keep me humble and on the right track.
Great perspective, Adam.
One of the things I have also had to learn is to wait to give advice until someone actually asks for it. Sometimes, people don't want advice, they just want affirmation and validation. They just want to be heard. I'm not perfect at this either, but I'm working on it.
Good post Edwin. And this is a great movie. I think I have seen it 3 times now. I agree with you and Adam in your assessment of how difficult this is. But like you said; "it's about progress, not perfection" …lucky for me!
Lucky for me too, Jim.