God's Way Works

For a better life and a better eternity

Kelsey Harris

Something Worth Doing, Part 11: Hug Someone Worth Holding

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.)

Today, I want to…

Hug Someone Worth Holding

What’s A Hug?

“Hugging is natural, organic, naturally sweet, free of pesticides, and preservatives. Hugging contains no artificial ingredients. It’s 100% wholesome. No calories, no caffeine, no nicotine.

“Hugging is nearly perfect. There are no removable parts, batteries to wear out, no periodic checkups. It consumes little energy, while yielding a lot. It’s inflation-proof. It’s nonfattening. There are no monthly payments. No insurance requirements. It’s theft-proof, nontaxable, nonpolluting, and fully refundable. And it costs very little.

“Hugging is healthy. It assists the body’s immune system, it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it invigorates, it rejuvenates, and it has no unpleasant side effects.

“Hugging is no less than a miracle drug” (borrowed from poofcat.com).

No wonder we want to hug someone worth holding today. What could be better? The problem is we’re just not used to it. In our American culture, we shake hands, making sure to keep everyone at arms length. Even in cultures that greet with hugs and kisses, they can become perfunctory and pointless. But, sincere, safe, wanted hugs are some of God’s best medicine for us.

Hugs are Good For You

Search the internet for benefits to hugging. You’ll find out hugs can decrease your heart rate. They can lower your blood pressure. Hugs can increase oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Hugs have been connected to better heart health. Hugs increase endorphin levels—the feel good hormones that give us a sense of happiness and well-being, plus they relieve pain. Hugs decrease levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

A hug can say, “I love you.” A hug can say, “I accept you.” A hug can say, “You’re wanted.” A hug can say,“You’re special.” A hug says, “We’re together.” A hug says, “We’re friends.” A hug provides a connection that nothing else does.

No doubt, different hugs say different things. There is the romantic hug for your husband or wife that lingers and caresses. There is the paternal hug for your children that turns into holding them on your lap. There is the cross-gender, I need to be appropriate, one arm around the shoulder hug. There is the quick hug that says, “We’re friends, but nothing more.” There is the “I haven’t seen you in forever” hug. There is the “I’m here for you” hug that hangs on until the one in need lets go. There’s the “weep with those who weep” hug that also provides a shoulder to cry on.

Hugs are important, life-saving even. Virginia Satir, American author and psychotherapist said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Look at a marriage that is falling apart and I guarantee you, you won’t see many hugs—if any. 12 hugs a day may not save a marriage on the rocks, but 0 hugs a day can sure toss it off the cliff. Look at isolated, rebellious kids and I doubt you’ll find hugging parents. (I know there are exceptions to every rule and someone will no doubt bring up the question of “which came first?”, but the fact remains, you won’t see much hugging there.) Find a prostitute, and I’m betting you find a girl who didn’t get many safe, loving hugs from her father. She’s still searching for that connection.

Why Do So Many Avoid Hugging?

But for all this, we often push away from hugs. Why?

Certainly, some have been hugged inappropriately and so physical touch scares us. Some have learned from traumatic childhood experiences that hugs are a violation and so they set up walls of protection against that happening again. My heart breaks for those of you in this situation. I pray that you can find people who can embrace you in arms of safety and help you grow in positive relationships.

For most, the trauma is not that extreme. However, a hug is still dangerous. I once heard the hug and kiss of European and Eastern greetings came about as a means of showing vulnerability. To hug someone was to come close enough as to be defenseless. If they wielded a knife, they could kill you. (I’m told the American handshake accomplished the same thing as you thrust forward your empty gun hand in a gesture of trust.) I doubt many of us are afraid of knife wielding huggers, but the hug does represent vulnerability. We are opening ourselves up to others to touch us, hold us, feel us, meet us. They can see and feel our blemishes. They can tell if we are trembling. They can feel our heart beat. Do we really want to let someone get that close? Many of us say, “No.” And we lose the great benefits of that kind of trust.

Perhaps the number one reason we fear the hug is the potential for rejection. We see a friend, hold our arms outstretched to show vulnerability, connection, trust and they give us a high five or grab the hand for a shake. Or worse, they stand there looking at us like we have our clothes on backward or have a booger hanging out of our nose. Rejection. A hug may be great, but a rejection’s negative affects seem much worse. So, we abstain from the benefits of a hug in order to avoid the pain of rejection.

Perhaps you can reshape what is happening in that moment of seeming rejection. I’m sure there are some stuck up, self-centered, pharisaical people who reject you as a person and therefore don’t want you touching them in a hug. Do you really care what that kind of person thinks of you? However, those folks are few and far between. The folks who avoid the hugs usually aren’t rejecting you. Rather, they are expressing their own struggles. Respect their need for space because an unwanted, unsafe hug doesn’t provide great benefits. Instead of pouting in your own rejection, pray for whatever causes them to turn from the hug.

Get your daily quota

Everyone needs a hug. Make sure you get permission first. Make sure your being appropriate (guys, I hope you know I’m talking to you, this isn’t your free ticket to cop a feel). Get out there and give hugs. That’s right, give hugs. I didn’t say get hugs because a true hug is about giving to others, not taking from them. So go give your quota of hugs.

They’re free. They’re fun. They’re healthy. They’re easy. Why not find someone and give them a hug right now.

I think I will.

 

(Come back next Wednesday when we discuss “Buying Something Worth Treasuring.”)

Something Worth Doing, Part 10: Eat Something Worth Tasting–A Guest Post by Simon Harris

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.)

I struggled last week because “Eat Something Worth Tasting” is the one line in the resolution poem that doesn’t just resonate with me immensely. Don’t get me wrong, I like to eat stuff that is worth tasting, but it is not a life philosophy for me like it was for Kelsey and is for her dad, Simon. 

So, thanks to Simon Harris for providing this guest post to get a better look at what this point meant for Kelsey.

By the way, don’t forget to check out The Kelsey Wynne Harris Foundation and the “Life Is More Interesting” merchandise to help support the foundation (once again, these are not affiliate links, none of the purchase money goes to my pocket).

Eat Something Worth Tasting, by Simon Harris

When first I saw “Eat something worth tasting” on Kelsey’s list of New Year’s resolutions, I thought, “That’s my girl!” One of the things Kels and I shared was a love for food, not in a gluttonous sort of way, but in an adventurous way. We loved trying new foods and experimenting with different flavors and spices. We rarely ate leftovers, and when we did they were most often used creatively to make a new dish. Even now when I fix myself lunch I can hear Kelsey asking, “Daddy, what are you having for lunch?” That was her way of saying, “Let’s throw something together.” When we’d go to a new restaurant we were always sure to get different dishes so we could try what the other one ordered. She loved all kinds of food; hot & spicy, savory, sweet, fried, grilled, smoked, baked, Italian, Indian, Chinese, Mexican, meat & potatoes; you name it, she’d at least try it!
 
As Edwin said, we have a family rule that while on vacation we do not eat anywhere we could eat at home. While at home we might love Chili’s, Outback Steakhouse, Red Lobster, and Steak n Shake, but on vacation they are anathema! It’s part of the adventure of vacation, and even more, it’s part of the adventure of living. While that might mean an occasional dud, even that then becomes a funny memory we can share. But, when you have this adventurous attitude about life, the duds are few and far between (not to mention that a little research goes a long way!).
 
In truth, “Eat something worth tasting” is more about living than it is about eating. Eating is really a metaphor for Kelsey’s view of life. When she ate, she loved every part of it–the sights, the smells, the tastes, the textures, the subtle nuances. What she loved was the experience of eating. Eating was always an event for her. She hated eating on the run, and she was always disappointed when eating was an afterthought. That same attitude was translated into everything she did. She loved going to the library because she loved the smells, the feel of the books, being surrounded by other bibliophiles, and of course, the stacks and stacks of precious books, every one with the ability to take you to fantastic and far away places! She loved doing things many teenagers would think was beneath them, like hanging out with her younger brother and sister, and even her parents, because it was an experience.
 
Kels was very much a “live for the moment” kind of person. Here’s what I mean; she got every ounce of enjoyment out of every thing she did. She loved the anticipation of what was coming, she enjoyed every second of what she was doing, then she loved talking about all the fun she had doing it! We had a rule for Kels when company would come that she could only make three comments about summer camp, and it was a rule we always had to enforce. She just loved life! And why shouldn’t she? Shortly before her death, a friend posted a question on Pleonast, “Have you been blessed?” Kelsey’s response was, “Hehe, asking if I’ve been blessed is like asking a vegetarian if he eats vegetables. Yay for bad analogies!!“ You might think this was a girl with cancer. You might think this was girl who was in a wheelchair. But really it was a girl who knew that God had blessed her far more than cancer had wounded her.
 
Here’s my advice to you from all this: Enjoy the experience of living. Savor the sights, the smells, and the tastes. Relish the mundane day-to-day tasks of your existence. Take pleasure in the little events that make up life under the sun. This is the great lesson Solomon taught in Ecclesiastes. Read it sometime noticing how many times he tells us to be content and enjoy life (Ecc. 2:24; 3:12-13, 22; 5:18-19). Added to that, I’d say don’t be afraid to try something new. There is so much good we can experience if we’d just try it. There is so much good we could accomplish if we’d just try it. Failure is not the worst thing that can happen to us. It is far worse to regret never having tried. Even in failure there are lessons to learn, lessons we need to learn. Life is not a spectator sport!
 
In his blog Edwin said that we should stop the whining. Can you see that when you live today with the resolution to “eat something worth tasting” there’s no place for whining? To live with that resolve is to enjoy today, regardless of what’s thrown at you, because every day has it’s own unique flavors, textures, smells, and nuances to be enjoyed! 

—————–

Thanks, Simon.

Come back next week as we move on to talk about hugging someone worth holding.

Something Worth Doing, Part 9: Eat Something Worth Tasting

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Before I get to today’s post, I want to share with you the newly established Kelsey Wynne Harris Foundation. The website is still under construction and the foundation is just getting under way so keep your eyes on that site to learn more about the foundation and what it will accomplish. However, at the site as it is, you can already find Kelsey’s story and read some of her writings. 

Kelsey’s number one key while she fought her cancer was to maintain happiness. When asked how she could always be so happy, she said with maturity beyond her years, “Life’s more interesting when your happy.” That has become a mantra for many who knew or were touched by Kelsey. The goal of the foundation is to help promote happiness in other cancer patients. They will be giving free gifts prompted by this quote to cancer patients, plus providing scholarships for others to attend Kelsey’s favorite summer camp. Who knows where else this will go to give encouragement, comfort, and happiness to others afflicted with this most depressing and debilitating disease.

If you would like to help the foundation, you can do so by purchasing t-shirts and other memorabilia emblazoned with Kelsey’s quote, “Life’s more interesting when your happy.” I think the quote can help no matter what you’re dealing with. Not to mention when you purchase this reminder you are helping spread happiness to others who are suffering.

By the way, none of the links on this page have any kind of affiliate program going on. None of the money from your purchases will be wasted on greasing my pockets. It will all go to help Kelsey’s foundation. So, feel free to use the links on this post with impunity.

Eating Something Worth Tasting

(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.)

Today, I want to…

Eat Something Worth Tasting.

Does this sound familiar?

“Where do you want to eat tonight?”

“I don’t know; where do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know; what sounds good to you?”

“I don’t know.”

The conversation goes back and forth, you begin to list all the restaurants in the area. Despite the delicious offerings each restaurant represents you just can’t seem to decide what your taste buds want. This is choice overload. This past Sunday was Fathers Day. My family and I drove around trying to decide what to eat. The really sad part about it was the number of restaurants we checked off our list because that would be just like going out when we normally go out. We wanted something special, something different from the norm.

There are folks in huge sections of the world who just can’t fathom this massive amount of choice that we Americans have when it comes to eating. There are some folks whose goal today is hopefully just to get to eat something. But we have a greater blessing. We get to choose what tastes good to us.

I know why this made the cut on Kelsey’s resolution list. Kelsey, following in the footsteps of her dad, loved to check out local flavor. She was an amateur restaurant critic. She loved to try the new. After all, she never knew exactly when she was going to eat something really worth tasting. In fact, Kelsey and her dad had a rule on vacation—never eat anywhere they could eat while at home.

I’m actually kind of envious. I’m more of a creature of habit. I look around and see restaurants I don’t recognize and think, “Oh no, what if I don’t like that.” They stepped up to the challenge as a way of life. When I go out to eat later tonight, I’ll probably order the exact same thing I ordered the last few times. Why? Because I know that is worth tasting.

Interestingly, what I get from this is we both want to eat something worth tasting today, but we come at it from different angles. I’m sure on all the points of this resolution list, I see things a little differently than Kelsey did, but on this one, we are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Perhaps we can get Simon, Kelsey’s dad, to do a guest post some time to help us see Kelsey’s desire to eat something worth tasting.

For me, this statement just makes me think about the amazing blessings in our lives. Of course, the amazing thing about the internet is that people from all over the world can read this. Perhaps you don’t enjoy these blessings, but my American readers do.

I get to have a handful of favorites because we have the same restaurants all over the place. Kelsey and her dad could continually try something new because there are seemingly endless choices.

Amazingly, for all of this, we still try to act like we are so poor. We gripe because we don’t have so many different things. We act like God has withheld so many blessings from us. But think about it. We can have “I want to eat something worth tasting” on our list of goals for the day.

Here’s the challenge for today. Make today a whine free day. Make it a day where you do nothing but count your blessings. Make a list of the many ways in which you are blessed. Can you see? (You are reading a blog.) Can you hear? Can you talk? Can you breathe? Have you eaten? Do you have clothes on? Are your clothes clean? Were they cleaned in a washing machine? Do you have extra clothes in your closet? Are you reading this on a computer? Did you drive your car today? Can you walk?

Do you see the point? How blessed are you?

Don’t take the simple things for granted. God doesn’t owe them to you. He could take them away at any moment. Count your blessings today and give thanks. In fact, make that a daily exercise. Write out a gratitude list each day of 5, 10, 20 things you are thankful for. See how that doesn’t change your view of your life. Somewhere on the list, you may want to include that you got to eat something worth tasting.

(Come back next week for a guest post by Simon Harris, Kelsey’s dad, about this same topic, eating something worth tasting.)

Something Worth Doing, Part 8: Go Somewhere Worth Seeing

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.) 

Today, I want to…

Go Somewhere Worth Seeing

Oh, the Places You’ll Go

“Oh, the places you’ll go,” Dr. Seuss told me when I graduated high school (my parents gave me the book as a graduation present). There are lots of places to go. Sadly, I’ve been some places that weren’t worth seeing. I don’t want to dwell on those. But there are so many places worth seeing.

God’s world is filled with places to see. Some places are worth seeing because of the beauty of God’s creation—the Smoky Mountains, the Grand Canyon, the Pacific Ocean. Some places are worth seeing because of what has happened in those places—Independence Hall, Gettysburg, Jerusalem. Some places are worth seeing because of how they relate to our world today—the White House, Buckingham Palace, Ground Zero. Some places are worth seeing because of what we can learn from them—the Smithsonian, the Louvre, the British Museum. Some places are worth seeing because they show us the amazing accomplishments and abilities of man—the Pyramids, the Great Wall of China, Mount Rushmore. Some places are worth seeing because of what they stand for—the Statue of Liberty, the Washington Monument, the Vietnam Memorial.  Some places are worth seeing because they remind us how blessed we are—Zimbabwe, Nigeria, the Philippines. Some places are worth seeing because of the people we meet there—our friend’s house, our church’s meeting place, our school.  Some places are worth seeing because of how they relate to us personally—our home, our parents’ birthplaces, our great-grandparents’ graves. There are many, many places worth seeing.

Oh, the Places You Already Go

At first, I was tempted to make some point about how this may not be something we do every day. That temptation demonstrates our number one problem with going somewhere worth seeing. We rarely open our eyes to recognize the places worth seeing we already visit regularly. Don’t close your eyes to the people and places right where you are.

Surely you’ve heard the story about the acres of diamonds. A South African farmer had heard all the stories of wealth from African diamond mines and decided to sell his farm in order to raise money to go looking for diamonds, wealth, and a life of ease. He searched for years and died in poverty. The man who bought his farm however, began to wonder about the peculiar rocks he kept finding as he plowed his new fields. He had a geologist check them out only to find he was sitting on one of the biggest pockets of diamonds on the entire African continent.

That story is too often us. We think so much about going somewhere that we never realize we might be someplace worth seeing right now. That place you live is somewhere worth seeing. It is more than an edifice, a structure of brick and mortar, timber and trusses. It is a home. Love, care, compassion, togetherness all happens there. At least it will if you open your eyes to how worth seeing it is. That place you work is somewhere worth seeing. It is more than a collection of offices, more than an assembly plant, more than a construction site. Things happen there. Livelihood is accomplished there. Things are made there. Blessings are generated there to go out into our world and provide for us and others. That place you go to school is somewhere worth seeing. Learning happens there. Information is exchanged there. People who know more than you are there (even when you don’t like to admit it).

I look out my office window as I write this and see asphalt, white paint, an ugly street light. I’m tempted to just see a parking lot. However, some days I’m able to see the bushes, the hydrangeas, the Bradford pears. On occasion a flash of movement has captured my eye; I look up to see a dear run in and out of the small woods on the other side of the parking lot. Wild turkeys roam across the field at the back of this building and sometimes walk right up to the door, attacking their own reflection. How beautiful. How amazing.

My kids and I explored the wooded area at the back of the property here one day. My son nearly stepped on a snake that was demonstrating its God-given ability to camouflage. After my heart started beating again, we were able to appreciate how really beautiful that was. In the woods we found a nearly dried up spring around which someone had built a structure to make it easier to wash clothes in years ago. There was a little bit of history in our backyard. It wasn’t major history, but my kids learned something about their great-grandparents that day. 

If you want to go somewhere worth seeing, start by opening your eyes to the places you already go and how worth seeing they really are.

Oh, the Places Nearby

When I think about going somewhere worth seeing, I think about long vacation trips. I want to travel in Europe. I want to hit the historical sights for the birth of my great nation the United States of America. I want to visit Williamsburg, Virginia; Boston, Massachusetts; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I want to travel to the Grand Canyon; see the Painted Desert; swim in the clear blue waters of Hawaii.

Going somewhere worth seeing always seems like such a trip. What has amazed me since I’ve lived in Franklin, Tennessee is the number of people who thought of going somewhere worth seeing and so they traveled right here to Middle Tennessee. Would you believe that as I was typing this, someone knocked on my office door because they were looking for a church to worship with while they visited from California? They made that huge trip just to come to this area. They did that while I’m dreaming of getting out to California to visit Disneyland and see the Pacific Ocean.

My wife and I have decided to learn about places worth seeing that are a little closer to home. We have Civil War sites—the Carter House, the Carnton Plantation, the Spring Hill Battlefield. Just two and a half hours away in Chattanooga, where many in my extended family live, is the Chickamauga battlefield and an awesome aquarium. A few weeks ago my family and I took a short getaway trip to Crab Orchard Tennessee. We didn’t expect much. We only wanted a little time to ourselves away from the daily grind. But not five minutes away we found Ozone Falls. We stood atop the falls and watched the water cascade over the edge. We hiked down to what was called the plunge pool and swam at the base of the falls. I told my wife that with the possible exception of Disney World, that was the most fun I’ve ever had on a vacation. Was it worth seeing? You had better believe it. I think everyone should make the trip to Ozone Falls. Just last year, some of the men and boys from my home congregation took a camping trip. I was all excited about this trip and the canoeing we were going to do. I was shocked when I found out the campground was only 15 minutes from my house. We had a great time and I learned about a great place to take my family to get out in God’s nature.

I’m sure Middle Tennessee is not the only place in the world that is like this. If you want to go someplace worth seeing, consult a local map to see what is nearby, call your state parks and recreation department to learn of natural wonders, visit your local chamber of commerce to find out about nearby historical sites. Hey, if nothing else, go to your local library. They always have great stuff to learn about and do. You might be surprised at the groups who meet regularly at your library who can tell you all about local stuff. If all else fails you can pick up a good book that will take you someplace worth seeing.

Oh, the Places Worth Seeing All Over the World

Don’t misunderstand me. I hope you take advantage of all that you already see and all that is near you. But I don’t want to take away from all the great somewheres worth seeing the world over. I’ve been challenged by Chris Guillebeau, author of “The Art of Nonconformity,” to not be satisfied with seeing a place or two. He decided to visit every country in the world over five years. I think he’s going to make it. I’m not saying you’re only really going someplace worth seeing if you take up that great of a challenge. However, I have learned that maybe there are places worth seeing that are off the beaten trail. Maybe going in to some countries where I don’t know the language, the customs, or even the food might be a good thing for me.

Whether you want to be that much of a nonconformist or just want to see the standard places worth seeing, it is going to take some financial planning and some time management. It might take a complete change of pace for your life. Don’t just dream about going to those places, plan for it. Start saving today. Figure out the cheapest way for you to go. Don’t demand luxury all the way (unless you can afford it). Check out Chris’s travel and life tips if you really want to make a habit of going somewhere worth seeing.

Oh, the Place You’ll End Up

Of course, for me, the ultimate place worth seeing is not in this world. It is not even in this lifetime. The ultimate place worth seeing is the throne room of God in heaven. That goal reminds me that if I let myself get too caught up in going places down here on earth, I might lose track of the truly important somewhere worth seeing.

Paul said the suffering we face down here is not worth the glory that will be revealed in us and to us there (Romans 8:18). Peter said it is an inheritance that is undefiled, unfading, and imperishable (I Peter 1:4). The Bible really doesn’t say much about heaven. How can it? Our finite words cannot express the beauty, awesomeness, and grandeur of the infinite heaven. Sadly, our images of heaven are nothing more than caricatures of the real thing because they are limited by what we’ve seen on earth. But I am convinced heaven is better than earth. I want to see it. I want to experience it. I want to roll around in its fields, run through its streets, fly on its clouds. Even in those images I’m limited by own experiences or imagination based on this life.

Don’t worry, I’m not selling tickets for a bus ride to the pearly gates today. However, I have to admit I’m a little jealous of my “co-author.” Kelsey Harris, the young lady who wrote the poem that has inspired these posts, is already enjoying paradise. I look forward to seeing her again someday along with so many others. That will be somewhere worth seeing.

Remember this, you’ll be the same person in five years that you are today except for the books you read, the people you meet, and the places you go. Make sure you go somewhere worth seeing.

 

(Come back next Wednesday when we talk about Eating Something Worth Tasting.)

Something Worth Doing, Part 7: Sacrificing Something Worth Giving Up.

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.) 

Today, I want to…

Sacrifice Something Worth Giving Up

Another Level

I can hear the groans now, “Edwin, you’ve already asked us to give something worth getting, what more do you want?” I want to go to the next level. I want to sacrifice something worth giving up.

The Bible story of David at the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite in II Samuel 24 comes to mind. David had violated God’s law and God was punishing the people. However, Gad the prophet told David if he raised an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Araunah, He would cease the punishment. When David explained the situation to Araunah, the Jebusite was willing to give David the threshing floor, the wood for the fire, and the oxen to offer. But David said, “I will not offer burnt offerings that cost me nothing.” It is not a sacrifice unless you are giving up something.

Do not be satisfied with the sacrifices of others. Do not say, “Let their money be given. Let their time be taken. Let their lives be spent. I want to hang on to me and my stuff.” When you stand idly by while others sacrifice, you are not giving anything up. Sacrifice is the means by which we realize life and the work done within it is worth something.

For American society, this is a tough challenge to offer. Many of us were raised by parents who said, “I want to give you all that I didn’t have.” They then handed over schooling, clothing, food, games, gizmos, gadgets, cars and so much more. Oh, they gave lectures about how much all this was worth. They talked about the value of a dollar. They got mad when the kids mistreated something given to them. But so few among us ever learned the value of something because we simply didn’t have to sacrifice.

Too few among us were taught the value of anything in life by having to sacrifice to get anything. That is why consumer debt in American continues to increase. According to MSN Money, the average household consumer debt is $18,654. On average, Americans spend 22% more than they make each year. We haven’t learned to sacrifice; we’ve only learned to get.

If you really want to learn the value of life and everything that is part of it, start sacrificing. Don’t put your vacation on your credit card. Instead, cut back on your eating out, your clothing, your weekly entertainment, and save the money. Suddenly, it starts to smart. That is sacrifice.

And yet, this is really the very smallest form of sacrifice. This is simply sacrificing something we want for something we want more. If we find it so hard to sacrifice in this way, no wonder we find it hard to sacrifice for others. No wonder we find it hard to sacrifice when we have no prospect of getting anything in return.

Sacrificing For Others

Sadly, we are so quick to accept the sacrifices of others for us, but find it hard to sacrifice ourselves for them. For instance, how would you feel if you had a friend that called you up and said, “I’m painting houses now, and I saw yours could use some help. I’ll be happy to come do that for you. And I really think this can be great. Since you’re such a good friend, I know you won’t mind paying me double my usual fee since times are tough for painters right now”? I imagine you’d waste no time explaining to your friend that if you decide you want your house painted, you’ll be looking at competitive pricing. You would be within your rights to do so. However, I bet you would think nothing of calling up the same friend and saying, “I hear you’re painting houses, and mine could sure use some help. But times are tough right now, and since you’re such a good friend, I was wondering if you could cut me a discount.” Do you see how quickly we look for others to sacrifice and how slowly we are to sacrifice ourselves?

We all want the sick to be helped, but who will sacrifice some time to go help them? We all want more money to go to research cures for cancer, but who will sacrifice from their own budget to do so? The fact is all these things take sacrifice. Are you willing to sacrifice something worth giving up to fill the gap?

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Perhaps the greatest example of sacrifice we call to mind today is that of Jesus Christ. Even if you are not a Christian, surely you can at least appreciate the story of His great sacrifice. Yet, the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross might seem a bit extreme for most of us. We feel we could never measure up to that. How about looking at another story of sacrifice in His life? A storyis recorded in John 13. Jesus, who was the master of this small band of disciples, heard His followers arguing about who was the greatest. Instead of blasting them for not honoring Him as the greatest, He laid aside His outer garments, girded Himself with a towel, and then washed the disciples feet. He washed every one of them. He washed Peter’s feet even though Peter argued with Him and was going to deny Him. Even more amazing, He washed Judas’s feet. He washed the very heels that would be lifted up against Him and cause His death.

This is really the ultimate sacrifice for us. Many of us are willing to sacrifice money to some cause. Some are willing to sacrifice time. Are you willing to sacrifice yourself? Are you willing to lower yourself? Are you willing to set aside your reputation? Jesus sacrificed His place as head of this table and lowered Himself to perform the task of slaves for His students. Can you sacrifice yourself in this way? Sadly, some folks have completely missed the point of this example. They have acted as if they can go through some ceremony of washing feet and by doing so they are showing themselves to be like Jesus. Oh no. This isn’t about washing feet. This is about serving. This is about lowering yourself to declare others are more important than you by spending yourself in their service. If you want to show yourself a sacrificing servant, don’t wash their feet, cut their grass, clean their house, wash their car. That kind of selfless service is the ultimate sacrifice. And please note, the disciples didn’t even say, “Thanks.”

Sacrifice and Our Relationship With God

I can’t conclude a look at sacrifice without remembering Paul’s comments about sacrifice in Romans 12:1. “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service” (NKJV). How can we talk about sacrifice without talking about our relationship with God? Sadly, all too often we treat God the same way we do everyone else. We are very quick to accept His sacrifice, but then we do everything we can to weasel our way out of any sacrifice He may ask of us. Whole doctrines have been created to explain how God asks practically nothing of us. It is vogue today to speak of God as the loving benefactor who doesn’t expect anything out of us but just to give Him a great big I-love-you hug. As long as we just praise, worship and give Him the glory, He’ll be happy with us. So we’re often told.

Mohandas Gandhi was right when he listed “worship without sacrifice” as one of the root causes of violence. We all want to talk about what a great God we serve. We wall want to praise Him. We all want to worship Him. How many of us want to sacrifice ourselves to Him? How many want to surrender our wills to Him? We want to talk about how great Jesus’ sacrifice is. Do we want to sacrifice ourselves back?

Sacrifice Something Worth Giving Up

Sacrifice is no mean feat. It is no small goal. However, without it we have no idea the value of anything. We have no idea the value of stuff, we have no idea the value of relationships, we have no idea the value of work, and we have no idea the value of God.

Today, let’s sacrifice something worth giving up.

 

(Come back next Wednesday for a look at Going Somewhere Worth Seeing.)

Something Worth Doing, Part 6: Choose Something Worth Keeping

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.) 

Today, I want to…

Choose Something Worth Keeping.

 

Choose Wisely

One of my favorite movies is “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.” Two scenes from that movie really highlight the importance of wise choices. The first is when Jones, Dr. Elsa Schneider, and Walter Donovan were together in the Grail room. The Grail Knight explained they had to choose the right cup from the numerous chalices. It was the final test. “But choose wisely, for while the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you.” Schneider and Donovan searched among the cups and found a golden, jewel-encrusted cup—a cup fit for a king. However, when Donovan drank from it, the life was sucked right out from his body. The knight’s response: “He chose poorly.” Jones, however, chose the cup of a carpenter. It wasn’t shiny. It wasn’t gold. It had no jewels. In fact, it didn’t look like anything anyone else would want. However, it was the real cup. It was something worth keeping.

Then there is the moment of truth scene. The Grail Knight had explained the Grail could not leave the cave. Yet, Schneider had tried to take it. An earthquake ensued. Schneider, trying to reach the cup, had a choice. She had fallen into a crack and was only saved because Jones was able to grab her hand. The cup was almost within reach. She could either keep reaching for the cup and fall to certain death, or choose to go back with Jones and have life. She chose the cup and joined Donovan in death. In an amazing turn of events, Jones found himself in the exact same situation. His father holding on to him as he swung above the dark abyss. The cup was at the tip of his fingers. If he just could stretch a few more inches he could get it. He wanted to get the cup for his dad. But the elder Jones simply said, “Junior, let it go.” Indiana Jones chose his father and life over the cup. They road off into the sunset.

Both scenes highlight choices—poor ones and wise ones. We all have choices. Every day we make choices. Today, I want to choose things worth keeping.

Making Choices that Last

The great struggle, however, is that instead of choosing lasting things worth keeping, we usually want tochoose things that provide a moment’s pleasure. How many have destroyed relationships because, in a moment of bitterness, instead of choosing the words that would keep the relationship alive, chose words that allowed them to let off their steam and gave them a momentary payoff of malice and anger? How many have destroyed their health because at meal times they have repeatedly made the choice of momentary pleasures instead of long-term health? (I put that one in as a reminder to me.) How many have destroyed their homes because instead of choosing the hard work it takes to have a close intimate relationship with a spouse, they have chosen the momentary pleasures of a lovers’ tryst?

Sadly, the momentary pleasure is the great enemy of choosing something worth keeping. Don’t get me wrong. Momentary pleasures are not always wrong. However, we need to take care. The shiny, golden, jewel-encrusted, thrilling choices of the moment often defeat the long-term goal of choosing things worth keeping.

I remember my dad trying to teach me this lesson. Perhaps for my birthday I had received some money. Burning a hole in my pocket, it would practically leap out of my hand to purchase some trinket that was shiny and promised big things, but broke quickly. I often remember those times now that I’m trying to teach the same lessons to my children. How easily we revert to childish choices. Ever heard of buyer’s remorse? That doesn’t come because you simply spent too much money. It comes because after you’ve spent the money, you realize it really wasn’t something worth keeping. After all, which would you prefer to keep, that shiny ski boat with its monthly payments that over the next five years will end up being three times what the boat is worth or financial security?

In a moment of rigorous honesty, we need to admit that choosing what is worth keeping is not easy or natural. We are drawn to the momentary. As Adam and Eve gave up a long-term stay in paradise for a few moments of pleasure with some luscious fruit, we are often drawn away from wisdom because something simply appeals to our eyes, our flesh, or our pride.

With your natural tendency stacked against you, how can you make these choices? Let me share four steps to make wise choices and choose things worth keeping.

Four Steps to Choose Something Worth Keeping

 

  1. Figure out what is really important. Is it more important to have the latest gizmos and gadgets or to have some financial security? Is it more important to get to pig out at the Chinese or pizza buffet or to have good health? Is it more important to check Facebook page again or to get your work done this week?
  2. Look at tomorrow. Normally, I encourage focusing on one day at a time. However, in this case, looking to the future is the best course. When you make this choice in front of you, what will happen next? How will you feel about it after you’ve experienced it? How will you feel about this choice tomorrow, next week, next year? If you choose to spend 4 hours watching television this afternoon instead of getting your work done, what will happen? I’ve done that before. I know where it leads for me. I’ll be grumpy when I get home because I didn’t get anything productive done all day. That means I’ll be waspish with my wife and a fight will likely ensue or I’ll be short with my kids and overreact in disciplining them. That will drive a wedge in my family relationships, increase my guilt and shame, and cause even more problems. Tomorrow, I’ll have to get twice as much done, but because the pressure is increased I’ll feel the need for a break even more. Further, come the weekend, I won’t have my work done so family time will be out the window. Can you see the progression here? If I just think the choice through past the moment, I’ll choose more things worth keeping.
  3. Be anchored in reality. Most of our bad choices are made in a fantasy world. For instance, I remember the time Marita and I bought our first car together.  We had been married two or three years and her car was acting up. We convinced ourselves she was in real danger. That car might die in the middle of the road and she would probably get plowed by an 18-wheeler. Or she might get stranded on the side of the road (this was before we had cell phones) and get kidnapped by some crazed maniac. It was really a matter of life and death to buy her a better vehicle. Not to mention, even though we didn’t owe any money on it we were making repeated repairs. Those repairs were going to put us in the poor house. Getting a new car was the only option for our financial peace. We were sure of it. Not to mention, we had always wanted a Camry. That Corolla just didn’t say enough about us. I called her up one night and said, “Let’s go down to the car dealer, we absolutely won’t buy anything tonight. We’re just looking.” About four hours later we were pulling into some friends’ driveway to show them the new car we had. Of course, it wasn’t actually new; we couldn’t afford those payments. We ended up with a used car that quickly need monthly repairs, but still had a monthly payment. Hmmm, reality check. I wish I could say that was the last of our awful mistakes with money. However, I think I can say that every financial mistake I’ve ever made came right down to this point. I was living in a fantasyland. I worked up some kind of scenario in my head in which I was absolutely sure I was making an amazing choice. What I needed was a reality check.
  4. Get the reality check by checking with someone who is living in reality. Swallow your pride and ask someone about the choice you are making. Is making the move, taking that new job, buying that new car, seeing that new special someone, or whatever the choice may be really as awesome as you’ve made it out to be? Or have you created a fantasy world in your mind? Folks who don’t live in your mind will be able to tell. The fact is, once your living in the fantasy world any stranger off the street could probably give you better advice than you’ll give yourself. Do you really think spending several hundred dollars on an electronic planner or a phone that syncs to Outlook is really going to fix all your discipline problems? If you talk to someone who lives in the real world before making that choice, you’ll much more likely choose to do something with that money that is worth keeping. Sometimes, I’ve learned that just having to spell the case out to others in a logical way so they can give some feedback causes me to see through my own fantasies. I’ve often figured out the better way by the time I finish asking the question and don’t even need to hear their answer at that point.

 

Choices are everywhere. Don’t worry, every single choice we make is not earth-shattering or life-altering. However, you do need to choose wisely. Like the true Grail, choosing things worth keeping will give us life.

(Come back next Wednesday to learn about Sacrificing Something Worth Giving Up.)