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4 Servants Fell in a Pit: A Parable

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I have to share a story I heard from my brother-in-law, Nathan Williams.

4 Servants Fell in a Pit

Four servants were walking through a field one day, when a sinkhole gave way and they fell into a deep pit.

As they came to their senses and assessed their situation, they began to confer about what to do. The first servant began to think about his hard life, his nagging wife, his pestering children. He thought about all the work he would have to do if he got out of that pit. He decided that he kind of liked it down there. He curled up by the dirt wall, pulled a rock under his head, and went to sleep.

The other three continued conferring.

The second servant began to think about what a great master he had. He knew the master would come looking for them and save them. He knew that since the master would take care of them, he could just sit there and wait. He leaned against the wall of the hole and waited.

The other two kept conferring.

The third servant looked at the wall of the pit and said. “We can do this. All we have to do is dig out some hand holds, grab hold of rocks and roots. I think we can dig and climb our way out of here. If nothing else, I think we can dig at these walls and build a ramp to get out.” This servant started digging and working hard.

The fourth servant new that was just impossible. The pit was too deep, the dirt too loose. They would never climb or dig their way out of that pit. All that would accomplish was pulling more dirt down on top of them. So he began to holler. “Master, Master. Save us. We are stuck in this hole. We can’t get out. Save us.”

A few moments later a rope was let down into the hole. The master said, “Grab the rope and I will pull you up.” The fourth servant, seeing his salvation, grabbed the rope and was pulled to safety.

The master flung the rope down again and said to the third servant, “Stop digging. Grab the rope and I’ll save you.” But the third servant said, “No, Master. Watch and see. I can dig and climb my way out of this pit. When I’m done, you’ll see what a wonderful and hard working servant I am. You’ll be so proud of me.”

The master spoke to the second servant. “Take the rope and I’ll save you.” But the second servant said, “No. You must not be my master. My master would just save me from this hole and ask nothing of me. I’ll wait here for my master.”

The master roused the first servant from his slumber and said, “Take the rope and I’ll save you.” But the first servant said, “Save me? Save me from what? I’m comfortable down here. No one expects much of me down here. No one is nagging me down here. The dirt is soft and comfortable. Even this rock for a pillow is not so bad. I am getting a little hungry, but I think that pain is worth it. I’ll just stay here. Your rope may be good for others, but I don’t need saving.” He went back to sleep.

To this day, the rope dangles in the hole waiting for those servants to trust their master’s strength to save them. There was much weeping in the master’s house for the three who remained in the pit. But there was also much rejoicing for the one servant who had been saved by the master.

Which servant are you?

How do Christians mirror these servants? You can add your input by clicking here?

5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants

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Facing Your Giants

Are you facing any giants right now? What temptations are beating you right and left? Do you sometimes feel like you will never win those battles? You’ve probably been told over and over again to just try harder. And so you have. But trying harder hasn’t worked. Instead of trying harder, let me encourage you to try something different. Try relying on God’s strength. Let Him fight your battle. Remember when David fought Goliath? Who really killed that giant? Not David. In the same way, you won’t be the one to kill your giants. Only God can and will.

That all sounds well and good. But how? How do we actually rely on God’s strength? Last week, we mentioned 5 ways to practically rely on God’s strength when facing your giants. We thought about David who relied on God’s strength to face Goliath but noticed that from our outside vantage point it looked quite a bit like he picked out the stones, he slung the stone, he wielded the sword. From our perspective it looked like he was doing it all. However, we know he was relying on God. So we talked about the practical things we need to do to rely on God. We talked about the 5 stones we need to pick up, if you will. Today, I’d like to give you 5 more ways to practically rely on God’s strength.

First, let’s remember the 5 we learned last week.

  1. Give up.
  2. Walk in God’s presence.
  3. Give thanks.
  4. Make conscious contact through God’s word.
  5. Pack the right bags.

Now, let’s learn 5 more.

Way #6: Cut It Off

On April 26, 2003, Aron Ralston was trapped between a rock and a hard place. Hiking and rock climbing along in Eastern Utah, his right hand was crushed between a shifting boulder and the rock wall. Over a period of five days he made various attempts to free himself. Nothing worked. When he ran out of his water supply, he was certain of death. Since no one knew where he was and they would not find him any time soon, he tried one final desperate plan. He broke both bones in his forearm. Then, using what was left of his dulled cutting tool, he amputated his right arm. He repelled into the canyon and hiked out to meet searchers. Nobody wants to lose an arm. But when the choice is lose and arm or lose a life, the arm is not so bad.

You might think Jesus had this story in mind when you read what He said in Matthew 5:29-30. If your hand is causing you to stumble, cut it off. If your eye is causing you to stumble, pluck it out. No one wants to lose a hand or an eye, but when the choice is lose a hand or eye or lose your soul, the choice is clear. If we want to change the games we play by relying on God’s strength, we have to change our playgrounds, playmates, and playthings. If we keep going to the places, hanging out with the people, and interacting with the things that have always led us to sin, then we are relying on our own strength. We think we can follow the same path we’ve always followed but somehow we will be strong enough to play a different game. Not so. Relying on God’s strength means cutting off what leads us to sin.

Way #7: Find a Fellow Traveler

While I am in awe of Aron Ralston’s courage and willingness to cut off what was going to kill him, I recognize there was a deeper problem. Ralston went mountain climbing alone. Had someone been with him or at least known where he was going, he might not have had to cut off his arm. Relying on God’s strength means relying on God’s people. Find a fellow traveler. Find someone to walk with, talk with, share with, confess with. Find someone who knows where you are.

I can’t help but think of one of my best friends of all time who was a source of spiritual strength for me. When I say one of my best friends, I mean I told him everything. I didn’t just talk to him about the weather. I talked to him about my struggles. What I never recognized though was that he never shared in kind. I, of course, interpreted that as his strength. He didn’t have problems like mine. His life was smooth sailing. Then one night his nephew-in-law called me to say my friend had been committing adultery and was leaving his wife. You couldn’t have shocked me more if you had walked out of my blind spot and hit me in the gut with a baseball bat. Despite repeated attempts to make contact with my friend, he has rebuffed me in every way. I pray for him. I cry for him. But he is still walking in his sins. What is amazing is that I know this friend is not where he wants to be. I know he knew what was good for him and what would really work. How could this happen to him? He went mountain climbing alone and now he is being crushed by the boulder.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 explains that two is better than one. Find a fellow traveler.

Way #8: Bring the Inside Out

When you find your fellow traveler, learn to talk about more than the weather and the Super Bowl. Learn to bring what is on the inside out. Learn to share the secrets of your heart. The darkness in there will only dissipate to the degree you shed light on it. James 5:16 says we need to confess our sins to one another. We need to find people we are willing to share these dark secrets with. Otherwise they will simply grow and take over. When temptation hits, find someone to share what you are thinking, what you are feeling, what you are considering. You will be amazed at how this helps defuse the temptation and its power over you.

Way #9: Acts of Service and Love

The reason we want to overcome these giants is to be more like Jesus, right? It stands to reason then that relying on God’s strength means following the example set by Jesus, God in the flesh. Jesus was a servant (Matthew 20:28). If we want to be like Him, we need to work on serving. Most sin is the product of selfishness. If we purposefully get outside of ourselves to serve others, we are letting God attack our selfishness head on. The moment you start serving others, you are doing the exact opposite of sin.

Make a meal for someone who is sick. Visit someone in the hospital. Call a friend to simply offer encouragement. Help out at a homeless shelter. Volunteer for a non-profit organization. Set up the chairs for the next class in your congregation. Invite someone into your home for a game night. Do something for someone else, especially if it is someone who cannot repay you.

Way #10: Do the Next Right Thing

Matthew 6:33 says we should seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness. Relying on God’s strength means simply doing what He tells us to. Listen to His advice. Seek His way. Do what He says. Right now, my responsibility is only to do the next right thing. I don’t have to worry about where it is going to lead. I don’t have to get bogged down with what I’m going to accomplish through it. I simply need to trust God to make everything work out in the end. I just need to do the next right thing. I don’t have to worry about doing 10 years of right things. I don’t have to even worry about doing a week’s worth of right things. I only need to do the next right thing. I don’t have to fret about what will happen tomorrow. I just need to do the next right thing.

Don’t misunderstand. When you rely on God’s strength in these 10 ways, temptation won’t disappear. Goliath will still be stepping on to the battlefield asking for a man (or woman) to fight. But by doing these things, you will be stepping onto the battlefield in the name and strength of the Lord. He will win the victories.

Keep up the faith. Rely on God’s strength.

What do you do to rely on God’s strength in the face of your giants? To add your input, click here.

If you’d like to hear the sermon I preached based on this, click here.

5 Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants

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Facing Your Giants

I have a question for you. Who killed Goliath? (If you don’t know the story of Goliath click here: 1 Samuel 17:1-54.)

David walked on the battlefield. David chose the stone. David swung the sling. David aimed the sling. David slung the stone. David wielded the sword. But who killed Goliath? According to David, God did (cf. 1 Samuel 17:46-47). What a great lesson we gain from this. King Saul wanted David to rely on his armor. That is, he wanted David to rely on the strength of a man. But Saul, though he was head and shoulders above all the Jews, must have known how useless that was. After all, he hadn’t stepped out to face Goliath. David refused to rely on his own strength or his own armor. Instead, he relied on God’s strength.

If we want to face the giants in our lives, we have to learn to rely on God’s strength. But what does that look like? Notice that for David, relying on God’s strength didn’t look like sitting at the edge of the battlefield with legs folded in on themselves, eyes closed, and arms upraised with the thumbs touching the middle-fingers, just waiting on God to send fire from heaven. It meant that David chose a stone, slung a stone, and chopped off a head. To the casual observer it may not have looked like God doing anything. But David did all these things because he was actually relying on God’s strength.

With that in mind, here are 10 practical ways for you to rely on God’s strength every day as you face your giants. These are the ways for you to choose your stones, sling your rocks, and chop of your giant’s head by relying on God.

Way #1: Give Up

I know this sounds odd. But the first practical thing you have to do if you want to beat the giants is give up…surrender. But not to the giants, to God. Today and next Monday, I am going to share 9 other practical ways to rely on God’s strength, but if we don’t get this first point about our attitude and motive right, the others won’t help us. According to 2 Corinthians 12:10, we are only strong when we are weak. Only when we recognize we can’t win will we truly give ourselves over to God and let Him win the victories through us.

If you are like me, you may have tried numerous things to make yourself stronger. “Maybe if I read my Bible more, I’ll be strong enough. Maybe if I pray more, I’ll be strong enough. Maybe if I ‘go to church more,’ I’ll be strong enough.” Do you notice who I’m still focused on there? I’m focused on me being strong enough. I’m still relying on my strength. I’m essentially choosing to put on Saul’s armor and hoping that will help me defeat the giants. I need to recognize I’m not strong enough and, therefore, give up fighting. Instead of doing things to make me strong enough. I need to do things that will connect me to God because He is strong enough.

Way #2: Walk in God’s Presence

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says we should “pray without ceasing.” But I don’t want to simply call this tool, “Prayer.” Maybe we can call it “Prayer 2.0.” We need to take prayer to the next level. Instead of praying because it is the daily Christian homework assignment, pray because you are convinced God is right there with you listening. Envision Him as a you would a friend sitting across the table from you or walking beside you. Talk to Him because He is there.

Start your day talking to Him in prayer. Could you imagine waking up next to your spouse, walking around the house with her/him, eating breakfast, getting ready, and never saying a word? I can imagine that. Sadly, it has happened at my house. When? When things were bad. When someone is in our presence and we aren’t talking to them, it means something is wrong with that relationship. So get up and tell God, “Good morning. Please stay with me today.” Tell Him anything else that is on your mind. When you go to bed at night, tell Him, “Good night. Thanks for being with me today.” Tell Him anything you need to unload before going to sleep.

Talk with Him while you go through your day. Share what you are about to do. Ask Him to help with the decisions you are about to make. Follow-up with thanks for blessings that occur. If you fall, talk to Him about why it happened. This helps because it’s hard to gossip about your co-worker if you begin by asking God if He thinks it’s okay. It’s hard to look down a woman’s flapping shirt if you first run it by God to see what He thinks about it.

Way #3: Give Thanks

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says we should give thanks in every circumstance. No doubt, this is part of walking in God’s presence, but it is so important that I want to give it its own special recognition.

Let’s face it. Bad things happen to us all the time. We live in a fallen world. People sin. Because of sin, bad things are going on and we suffer for it. When bad things happen and even good things don’t go my way, I begin to get a little bitter. How about you? I begin to get resentful. I resent my wife, my kids, my friends, my co-workers, my neighbors, my brethren. Worst of all, I begin to resent God. I start to think maybe He is picking on me. Why won’t He let things go my way? This bitterness and resentment leads me to turn away from God and start relying on me. After all, if I don’t take care of me, who will? But this always leads me into sin. When I’m taking care of me, I always get trampled by the giants.

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever received is about writing a gratitude list. Start your day with one. End your day with one. Maybe even in the middle of the day remind yourself with one. You can obviously just pray your list. But on tough days I urge you to write your list down. Something about writing it makes it real.

What are you thankful for today? Breathing, walking, eating, clothing, cars, home, friends, wife, kids, job, church, ability to read, ability to speak, ability to move, opportunity to read “God’s Way Works”… This list can go on and on. As I unload all the blessings I have received, I begin to realize God isn’t picking on me. I really don’t have it that bad. Actually, lots of things are going my way. Maybe I don’t need to turn to my sins after all. Maybe I can ignore them for another day.

Way #4: Conscious Contact with God through His Word

In Acts 20:32, Paul commended the Ephesian elders to God and the word of His grace. Why? Because it would sanctify them and prepare them for the inheritance God wanted to pass on to them. Like prayer, this was not a daily homework assignment to trudge through and prove they were good enough. It was a source of life. If only God can beat the giants, then connect to Him in His word.

Don’t read the Bible like a newspaper, just trying to get through the day’s news. Listen to God’s word for the help it is offering. Find passages that help you in certain situations and return to them again and again as needed. I return to Psalm 119:145-152 over and over again to remind me that I don’t observe God’s testimonies so He will save me, but I need Him to save me so I will observe His testimonies. I go to Psalm 141:1-5 repeatedly in the face of temptation to remind me to ask for God to take over, setting a guard over me and providing me with others who will provoke me to righteousness. I go to Isaiah 40:28-31 to remind me that God is with me and will get me through whatever I’m facing. I go to Psalm 18:1-3 to remind me how great God is. God’s word really does give life when we use it as a life-giving connection to God instead of a dead homework assignment.

Way #5: Pack the Right Bags

Romans 13:14 says, “…make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Providing for the flesh is not the same as pursuing the flesh. “Making provision” is a picture of getting ready for a trip. When you are going on a trip you to have to make your provisions. That is, you have to pack your bags, plan your lodging, prepare your food, get your money together. You can’t possibly take your trip to Disney World if you haven’t made provisions for that trip. But making the provisions is not exactly the same as the trip itself. So, quit asking yourself if what you are about to do is actually a fleshly, sinful trip. Maybe it isn’t. But maybe it is packing your bags for one. Don’t do that either.

Sometimes the giants beat us because we rely on our own strength. That is, we pack our bags and make provisions to travel in the flesh. We think we can do that for a while but keep from actually taking the trip. The fact is if we pack our bags to travel into the flesh, we are going to submit to the flesh. We just aren’t that strong. Relying on God’s strength means packing our bags to travel with the Spirit. We make preparations to walk in the Spirit and by the Spirit.

Consider an example. Going to a buffet is not the same as committing gluttony (I choose this as an example because I still haven’t met anyone who ever commits, or should I say confesses to, gluttony). Is it a sin to eat at a buffet? No. Can some people eat at a buffet and not commit gluttony? Absolutely. But what if your giant was gluttony. What if it was whooping your backside every time you came onto the battlefield? Then eating at your local Chinese buffet is going to be packing your bags to walk in the flesh. Don’t spend all your time defending how eating there isn’t a sin. That’s not the issue. If you keep walking into a place where gluttony beats you every time, you are packing your bags to get beat by the giants. Rely on God’s strength instead by packing your bags to walk with Him.

Alright, this has gotten long enough as it is. Thanks for sticking with me this far. Come back next Monday and I’ll provide 5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants.

What Did Jesus Do?

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We’ll get back to the series on loving ourselves next Monday, Lord willing. Today, I want us to ask a fundamental question about how we will live our lives. If we truly believe God’s way works, how do we discover God’s way?

A few years ago, the question “What would Jesus do?” was all the rage. It was on billboards, bracelets, and bumper stickers. Everyong was jumping on the bandwagon with it. And for good reason. It is a great question. When I’m making decisions about my actions, I need to consider what Jesus would do if he were in my shoes. Then I need to do that. After all, surely whatever Jesus would do is God’s way that will work for me. But there is a more fundamental question. Before I can actually answer that question, I need to ask another. You see, Jesus actually was here on this earth. He really did live and face the kinds of decisions I face. If I really want to know what He would do if He were in my shoes today, I need to ask, “What did Jesus do?” How did He live? How did He respond? How did He govern His life? That provides the foundation for asking what He would do in my shoes and then helps me decide what to do today.

Of course, we could start looking at each individual action, but as John 21:25 explains, the internet couldn’t contain the blog posts needed. Rather, lets consider some general governing rules Jesus lived by and made decisions by.

Jesus ONLY did what was authorized by the Father

John 8:28-29 says: “So Jesus said to them, ‘When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he, and that I do nothing on my own authority, but speak just as the Father taught me. And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.'”

John 5:30 says: “I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.”

What did Jesus do? He only did what was authorized by the Father. Understand how amazingly profound this is. If anyone throughout the history of man had the right to go out on his own and pursue his own authority, it would have been Jesus. John 1:1, 14, demonstrates that Jesus was divine himself. Yet, the incarnate God did not live from His own authority. He only did what the Father authorized. He only taught what the Father authorized. He sought the Father’s will and what was pleasing to Him.

Note clearly, Jesus didn’t say, “I only do what my Father has not prohibited.” He said He only did what the Father authorized.

If that is what Jesus did do, what then would He do if He were in our shoes today? I think He would only do what the Father authorized. What then should we do?

Jesus did what the Father told Him to

John 12:49-50 says: “For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment–what to say and what to speak. And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me.”

Jesus did not act or even speak on His own authority. Rather, He only did what the Father authorized. But how did He determine what the Father authorized and therefore determine what to do and speak? He did what the Father told Him to. That seems simple enough. If the Father told Him to do something or told Him He could do something, He did it. That makes simple sense to me.

If Jesus did do what the Father told Him to, what would He do if He were walking in our shoes? He would do what the Father told Him to. What then should we do?

Jesus did what the Father established by His example

John 5:19-20 says: “So Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. for whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise, for the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing.”

Jesus repeats that He does nothing based on His own authority. He doesn’t do what simply seems good to Him. He doesn’t do what He simply thinks is neat. He doesn’t do just what He likes to do. He only does what the Father authorizes. But how did He determine that? He watched the Father. He looked for good, positive, approved example. He didn’t think something was good and right just because He liked the idea. He knew it was good and right because He saw the example set for Him by the Father. If the Father exemplified something, then the Son knew He was authorized to do that, and He did it.

If that is what Jesus did do, what then would He do if He were in our shoes? He would follow the example God had left for Him. What then should we do?

Jesus did what He could infer using right judgment

John 7:24 says, “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”

Jesus wasn’t talking about judging souls. He was actually commenting on a matter of authority, judging whether or not an action was right or wrong, authorized or unauthorized. If we begin reading in John 7:22, we learn that Jesus is explaining why He was authorized to heal the invalid of John 5:1-17 on the Sabbath. There was no command to heal on the Sabbath. There was no example of healing on the Sabbath. Therefore, Jesus did what appeared unlawful to the Jews by healing a man on the Sabbath.

Jesus argued that if the Jews could circumcise a boy on the Sabbath to keep the law of Moses, then He could heal on the Sabbath as well. The argument really is, “If you can make a body unwhole on the Sabbath, then I can make a body whole on the Sabbath. If you can remove a part of the body, then I can restore the body.” After making His argument, He said, “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” That is, don’t judge what is right or wrong, what is authorized or not based merely on what you like, don’t like, what you think,don’t think, rather use a right judgment. Don’t judge something right or wrong, authorized or not simply based on what you think it looks like. Rather, use sound, reasonable, logical judgment.

Jesus knew He was allowed to heal on the Sabbath despite the prohibition of work on that day because he inferred using right judgment from the commands and examples found in God’s law.

If that is what Jesus did do when He was on earth, what would He do if He were in our shoes? He would do what He could infer from God’s commands and examples using sound, reasonable, logical, right judgment. What then should we do?

Why did He do it?

But why? Why did Jesus do all this? Why did God incarnate go through all the trouble of only doing what the Father authorized by His own directions, examples, and by right judgment based on those things? John 7:16-18 says:

So Jesus answered them, “My teaching is not mine, but his who sent me. If anyone’s will is to do God’s will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority. The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood.”

Jesus did not do this because He had to follow a pattern. Jesus did not do this because He was trying to be good enough. Jesus did not do this because He was trying to earn something. Jesus did this because He wanted to glorify the Father. He didn’t want glory for Himself. If He had wanted glory for Himself, He would have done whatever He thought was good based on His own authority.

Why do we do what we do? Are we trying to earn something or be good enough? That won’t work. Instead, we need to decide if we want to glorify God. If we want to glorify God as Jesus did, then we need to only do what the Father has authorized through His statements and examples, using right judgment to determine what we are allowed to do.

Do you want to glorify God?

The Rug: A Video Demonstration of Life

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I ran across this video the other day and thought I would share. There is only one way to keep the rug from being pulled out from under you. I know this should probably be a Monday post, but I didn’t want to wait until then.

Can you guess what it is?

Don’t Be Rude-Love Yourself

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(If you’ve stumbled across thist post, let me explain where you are. You have landed smack in the middle of one of my favorite series ever. We started some time ago by learning that God expects us to love ourselves. Now, we’re going through the definition of love in I Corinthians 13:4-7 to help us understand how we can love ourselves in a healthy way so can love others better. Go back to that first post to read the series from the beginning and to find an index of all the posts available. Enjoy today’s post as well.)

Don’t Be Rude, Love Yourself

At first glance, this one seems to be difficult to apply to ourselves. Obviously when we love others we won’t be rude to them. But what does this have to do with how we treat ourselves?

Some translations say love does not behave unseemly or inappropriately. But how does that change our quandary? I really struggled with this until I did some more searching on the web forum I quoted in our very first article. There I learned about one woman who so hated herself that she was looking for love anywhere she could get it. Actually, it wasn’t love. It was her distorted perception of love. She turned to committing sexual immorality with those she described as “dirty OLD men.”

That story could be repeated again and again and again with differing people and different sins. Many times, our sins are simply responses to or attempts to escape from the seemingly overwhelming burden of self-loathing. As we wrongly believe we are worthless, everything that happens to us seems to reinforce that message. Therefore we respond to even minor issues with overwhelming fear, depression, shame, anger. These emotions become chaotic and unbearable so we seek an escape. Along comes our favorite sin to take us out of the reality of our emotions, to numb the feelings. It might be sex, gluttony, drinking alcohol, gambling, drugs, pornography, outbursts of wrath, self-mutilation, or any other number of innappropriate behaviors.

Can you readily see the cyclical dilemma here? Using our sins to numb our feelings may get us out of reality for a few minutes, but once the sin is committed, then we have another reason to see ourselves as worthless. The emotions come back even worse and we need our escape even more strongly. The woman I spoke of above did not feel better about herself, her life, her circumstance after being with those men, she felt worse. But because of the cycle, that only led her to another man, then she felt worse, then another man, then felt worse…

We can break this cycle. We don’t have to behave inappropriately toward ourselves. Instead, we can remember God loves us and therefore love ourselves as He does. We can recognize that the “dirty Old men” don’t love us and we don’t have to give ourselves over to them. Instead, we can put ourselves in God’s hands. We can remember His Son on the cross. We can remember how much He loved us despite all our sins (Romans 5:6-8). We don’t have to view our most recent sins as reasons to run into more sin. Instead, we can view them as reasons to run into God’s loving arms. We can let His love fill us and hold us as we work through the reality of our situation and our feeling.

Being Appropriate

What are some appropriate behaviors when these feelings come crashing on us and we want to turn to our sins for comfort?

1. Pray

Take your feelings to God. Even if your feelings about God. A touchstone passage about this is Psalm 88. God is able to handle your emotions. Cry in His arms. Yell at Him. Rejoice with Him. Whatever is going on, just tell it to Him. Sin doesn’t have to be your rock. God can be.

2. Reaffirm God’s love for you with Scripture

Plan for this right now. Find Bible passages that express God’s love for you. I used Romans 5:6-8 above. Find some others. Learn where the accounts of Christ’s crucifixion are and read those. Remember that this is His sacrifice for you. Remember John 3:16. I don’t normally advocate messing with the text, but in this instance, I encourage you to quote it this way: “For God so loved the world, with me in it, that He gave His only begotten Son…” Or just, “For God so loved me…” Remind yourself that God did all this even when He knew what you would do and how you feel at this very moment.

3. Reaffirm God’s love for you in your life

One of the greatest tools I’ve learned about in helping me overcome fears and depressions is a gratitude list. We sing a song that encourages us to count our many blessings; actually do that. Why not do this right now? Pull out a sheet of paper and make a list of things you are thankful for. Start small. Come up with a list of 5 things. I bet pretty quickly that list will expand to 10, then 20, then 50. Remember James 1:17. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above…” These blessings are from God because He loves you. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and all your gratitude. Recognizing these blessings are great reminders that God is not picking on you. He loves you. If He loved you like this, you can love yourself right now. You don’t have to turn to your sin.

 

4. Find a friend who will love you healthfully

Perhaps the easiest way to experience God’s love is to experience it in relationship with one of God’s children. I once read that we will likely never accept ourselves until we experience the loving acceptance of who we are from someone else. Find that someone. Find someone you can share everything with who will still love you without shaming you or taking advantage of you. I know this seems a tall order, but there are people like this out there. There are friends who stick closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Some caveats on this. If your friend spends more time lecturing you about how you shouldn’t feel that way, find a different confidante. If your friend wants to take this intimacy to a physical level, find a different confidante (obviously, I’m not talking about hugging and shoulder crying). If your friend shares your secrets, find a different confidante. Find someone who will respect healthy boundaries, who will realize you are opening up because you want to do right, who humbling recognizes their own sinfulness and lack of ability to sit in judgment over you.

5. Sit in your feelings

This is hard. But instead of trying to escape your feelings, sit in them. It isn’t wrong to hurt, be sad, be angry, feel guilt and shame. These are all part of our lives. Instead of thinking you need to mask them, let them be. I know you probably can’t imagine this, but the feelings will pass if you let them run their course. We think that is not the case because they have lingered for so long. The issue is when we repress our feelings or try to escape our feelings, they actually just sit back and wait for an opportune time to come back. However, when we sit in them and figure out how to express them appropriately, they dissipate. Let me offer you a warning if you have continually and repeatedly turned to sins to numb these feelings. When you first try to sit in them they will seem infinitely worse than they ever have before. You’ve been numbing those pains like a surgery patient with a morphine pump. Take the pump away and the pain is amplified. Trust me, this will go away.

6. Identify the feeling and formulate a response

If you have repeatedly turned to sins to escape these feelings, you may not even be aware that you are feeling or what your feeling is. But one of the most appropriate things you can do is identify what is really going on in your heart. The eight core feelings are: gladness, sadness, hurt, anger, fear, shame, guilt, loneliness. Can you pinpoint one of those? Then ask yourself why you are feeling that way? Go beyond just, “So and so said such and such to me.” Ask yourself why their saying that is causing the emotion. For instance, you might say, “My boss didn’t approve my budget proposal for the coming year. He cut out several key parts saying they were frivolous and I should have known better.” But why is that causing you to feel hurt and sadness (if those are your feelings)? You might figure out, “This makes me feel hurt and sad because I believe I have to please everyone all the time to be a worthwhile person.” Now you’ve pinpointed something. You have a faulty belief. You don’t have to please everyone all the time to be a worthwhile person. God loves you just the way you are. God thought you were so worthwhile even though He knew you wouldn’t please your boss with this budget proposal that He sent Jesus to die for you anyway. You don’t need your boss’s approval to be worthwhile. Your appropriate response is to retool your belief about yourself and your relationships.

Or you may discover that you are angry because you saw your boss’s tone of voice and word choice as condescending, disrespectful, even hateful. How can you respond to that? Maybe you can recognize that this tone is your boss’s problem and not yours. Hateful people are so because of their own inner pain. They are trying to compensate for some weakness they see in themselves. Perhaps a good response for you is to feel compassion and sympathy for your boss’s pain and pray for him to find comfort in God for that pain. Or you may decide you need to express to your boss how that tone impacts you and establish a boundary. “Mr. Boss, I am very happy for the opportunity I have to work with you and for this company, but something has been bothering me and I think it will negatively impact my performance and production for you if I don’t talk to you about it. When would be a good time for us to talk about that?…When you critique me and use words like ‘frivolous’ and claim ‘I should have known better,’ that seems to be a condescending judgment against my motives. I want what is best for our company. This makes me fear for my job and question whether or not you approve of me working here…” Or that last sentence may have been about boundaries, “When you speak to me in that tone it seems to me that you are treating me more like a servant than an employee as if you are questioning my very worth as a worker in this company. I definitely want to hear what will help me be a better employee for you, but I’d like to have a boundary that says we both speak to each other with respect, even when we disagree with each other.”

Okay, this section is getting long and we could go on and on with numerous variables. But I hope you see the point. When you press pause, examine what you are feeling and why, then formulate an appropriate response, you’ll be amazed to see that you didn’t need the sin to deal with this at all.

The point is you do have healthy options. You don’t have to behave rudely to yourself (and you don’t have to put up with rude behavior from others). You don’t have to be inappropriate with yourself (and you don’t have to put up with inappropriate behavior from others). You don’t have to turn to your sin. Turn to God. Turn to His love. Let His love fill you. Love yourself as He loves you. Then you will be free to love others.

God loves you today. Love yourself today.

(Remember to come back next Monday and we’ll learn that love does not insist on its own way.)