God's Way Works

For a better life and a better eternity

Edwin Crozier

Anita Renfroe With What Dad’s Tell Their Kids in a Day

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You have probably all seen the Mom Song that Anita Renfroe did chronically all the things a Mom say to her kids during the day. If you haven’t, I posted it at the bottom of the post and you’ll want to check it out first.

After posting that viral video, she received lots of e-mails from Dads saying, “What about us?” So she redid her song to give the Dad’s kid interaction for the day. Here it is.

Okay, I know on the YouTube page where I found this people just went berserk blasting Renfroe. I thought this was a hilarious. It’s a joke people. Get over it.

However, Dads. Let’s do better than this. The fact is, whether we are talking about Dads or Moms, the amount of time we spend in meaningful conversation with our kids is probably not anywhere near what it ought to be. Why don’t you ask your kids if they think you spend enough time with them. No, don’t whine to me about your work schedule. Don’t tell me about how busy you are. Just ask your kids if they think you spend enough time with them. 

Look, obviously you have adult responsibilities like a job. But don’t forget that one of your first adult responsibilities is your kids. Don’t leave them out in the cold claiming you are really thinking of them as you spend all your time working, watching television, or surfing the net.

Certainly, reading this post is part of your responsibility to your children. But now that you’re done with that, go do something with your kids.

By the way, as I said above, here is the MomSense song. Enjoy.

How to Pray for An Hour

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We sing the song “Sweet Hour of Prayer,” but then we start praying and wonder how on earth we can even make it through sweet 10 minutes of prayer. I want to thank my friend and fellow preacher Jeff May for showing me a great tool to organize our prayers and help us spend some real meaningful time with God.

Of course, let me first point out that you don’t have to pray for an hour for it to be legitimate. Prayer isn’t real because of the length. At the same time, many of us know there is so much more to be done in our prayer lives but when we finally hit our knees we get that deer-in-the-headlights feeling, we stammer something out and then spend the rest of the day thinking of other things we should have prayed for.

In those cases, don’t worry. When you think of them you can offer up a prayer right then. However, if you want to work on having some serious, in-depth, on your knees time try the PRAYER CLOCK approach.

An hour divides into 12 sections of 5 minutes. Think of 12 areas for which you want to pray and devote 5 minutes for each area. When you are done, you spent an hour in prayer. You don’t have to follow my list this is just for example purposes.

5 minutes of…

  1. Praise
  2. Thanksgiving
  3. Confession
  4. Family
  5. Home congregation
  6. Elders and Deacons (Home congregation and others)
  7. Preachers (Home congregation and others)
  8. Other churches
  9. The lost and evangelism
  10. Special needs, sick, etc.
  11. Our nation (other nations)
  12. Praise

 

You just spent an hour in prayer.

Granted, to make even 5 minutes in prayer for each topic, you probably want to start developing some lists. Make a list of special needs, elders, deacons, preachers, churches, things for which you are thankful, folks who are lost, etc. As you work on this, you’ll be surprised to find out that 5 minutes won’t be enough for some areas. You’ll have to come up with a plan for getting all these prayers in over the week.

In fact, come back next Monday to learn a plan for getting in all your prayers when you just have so much to pray for you can’t get it in all in one prayer session–even if you’re going for an hour.

4 More Keys to Lay a Foundation So Your Kids Will Know What To Do When They Mess Up

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OOOPS! Two weeks ago I started a two part article on laying a foundation so our kids will know what to do when they messed up and totally forgot to post part 2 last Tuesday for the Springboard for Your Family. Sorry about that. I hope all of you who showed up last Tuesday for this second part will forgive me and accept today’s posting in penance.

4 More Keys to Lay a Foundation So Your Kids Will Know What To Do When They Mess Up

We’ve already learned that we aren’t going to raise the next Jesus. Our kids will not be perfect. If we keep training them in perfection, we are only going to increase their toxic shame when they come face to face with how imperfect they are. Instead, we need to lay a foundation for what to do when they realize how imperfect they are.

In the last installment of this series, we learned…

  1. Be emotionally, mentally, spiritually healthy yourself.
  2. Don’t discipline out of embarrassment.
  3. Share your own mistakes with your kids.
  4. Say you’re sorry and seek forgiveness when your mistakes were with your kids.

Here are 4 more keys.

5. Don’t lecture and browbeat.

I’m writing this point for me more than for you. This is my discipline method of choice when I’m just running in natural mode. My kids do something wrong and out comes the lecturer. I don’t know how many times Marita has had to say, “You just don’t know how you sound when you talk like that.”

This form of discipline says I’m going to harshly talk my way into your heart and browbeat you into submission on everything I say about this. It will brook no disagreements. It will allow no responses. It will simply keep hammering away at you until you are whimpering out a “Yes Sir.”

I’m certainly convinced that when I get into that mode, my point is correct. The problem is I’ve never gotten anyone to agree with me when I take that approach, especially not my children. Rather, what I do with each harsh statement, with each shaming name, with each verbal barrage is teach my kids to take their medicine and get to the “Yes Sir” so they can escape. They haven’t learned anything. They haven’t agreed. They haven’t change. I’ve simply vented my spleen on them, made them feel small, and sent them on their way.

There is certainly time for talking. But lecturing and browbeating doesn’t work very often. It may produce a momentary submission, but it doesn’t help the child know how to really deal with sin.

6. Let them know God can overcome sin when they can’t.

I remember one time with Tessa that I so wish I could take back. She was in trouble for mistreating her brother and she said, “I try, Dad, I really do. I just can’t seem to help myself.” Back then, in my spiritual immaturity, I said, “You can do it. You just don’t really want to. You need to try harder.” The problem was at the time I was telling myself that exact same thing about the sins I was trying to overcome and it wasn’t working for me. Why would I expect it to work for her? Sadly, this is the approach Christians take all too often with everything.

Since then I’ve learned that I can’t overcome my sins on my own (cf. Romans 7:14-25). But God can. If I’ll just turn my life over to Him completely, Jesus Christ will conquer my sins through me. That is the message I needed to convey and am now trying to convey to my kids. Tessa is absolutely right. She can’t overcome the sin that she has honed to a “nature of wrath.” But God can. God has promised to free her from that sin if she’ll simply turn her life over to Him every day. 

Don’t simply tell your kids to try harder. Don’t simply tell them to choose better. Tell them to turn to God to overcome. Let them know God’s plan for forgiveness and victory over sin. 

7. When they actually talk, let them do so without fear of reprisal.

I certainly struggle with this. I do believe that even when people admit what they did was wrong, sometimes there still needs to be disciplinary measures taken. 

However, at the same time, our kids need to know they can come let us know what they did when they sinned. Trust me, if our kids think the only response they’ll get when they admit their sin to us is a lecture and a spanking, they are not likely to let us know what they did-even if they are scared, penitent, remorseful. They’ll either internalize it or they’ll go to their peers. As we said in part 1, they won’t get good help from their peers.

Our children need to know that we know they’ll make mistakes and when they come to us with penitence, we’ll forgive them and help them overcome. 

Allow me to share one approach that has worked for us on occasion. When one of our children penitently admits to doing something wrong, we thank them for their honesty. Then we talk through why they sinned. We talk about the natural consequences of the sin. If this was a violation of a rule for which we believe discipline is necessary we then talk with them about what they think is a fair discipline considering what they did and where they are mentally and emotionally with the sin. I’ve been amazed how maturely our children handle the discipline even in these situations.

8. Always reaffirm your love for your children.

I don’t care what your children did or what kind of disciplinary measures you have had to take. Always reaffirm your love for your child. This is not a codependent spluttering apology because you are afraid your child won’t love you because of the discipline. If that is what you are doing, refer back to point one in the first article. 

Your children need to know you love them. They don’t just need to hear that when they’ve done good things. They need to hear that all the time. They need to know you are proud of them all the time. They need to know you are glad they are in the family all the time.

When they say things that have shocked you, let them know you love them. When they have embarrassed you, let them know you love them. When they mess up big, let them know you love them. When they are behaving properly, let them know you love them.

Do not do this in an aren’t-you-lucky-I’m-so-loving way. Just let them know that you love them.

I certainly don’t think there is a fail-proof way to parent. All too often I get caught up in my own crazy making of wondering how my kids are going to turn out. Some days I think they’ll be wonderful. Other days I think I’m ruining them. However, I’m convinced they won’t be perfect. When they aren’t, they need to know they can come to me and find the help and support they need to overcome.

Don’t Be Afraid to Fail

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In Matthew 25:14-30, the master gave talents to his three servants. One of them received only one talent and he was filled with fear. He wasn’t sure he could accomplish anything with the one talent, so he didn’t try anything. When the master returned, the slave tried to explain that really he was doing the master a favor. He could have messed up and lost the talent, but instead he had saved it for him. The master judged the slave. 

Too often we have the same problem today. We are so afraid we are going to fail in serving God, do something wrong, mess up and cause more harm than good that we don’t ever do anything. We go through so many excuses about why so many things won’t work that we never work. Guess what. That doesn’t work.

Don’t be afraid to fail. At least do something. Maybe you will fail, but if you don’t ever do anything you know God will judge you for sure. 

Remember, God works when His people work. Abandon your fears and get to work.

Something Worth Doing, Part 13: Cry Tears Worth Shedding

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.)

Today, I want to…

Cry Tears Worth Shedding

I was 13 when I first learned crying was the wrong thing to do. I had gone fishing with some friends. As we climbed a hill so steep it was more like crawling than walking, one of my friends above me kicked loose a rock (at the time it appeared to be a boulder to me). The rock scraped across my hand removing the left side of my left-hand middle finger. It removed a strip of skin about a quarter inch wide and two inches long. It hurt like nobody’s business. It bled like crazy; I remember thinking I was going to bleed to death. And I cried and cried and cried. However, what I remember most was the younger girl, whose name I don’t even remember who also was hit by the rock, although the rock merely rolled across her hand leaving no damage whatsoever.  She hardly cried at all. On the ride to the emergency room, I couldn’t quit crying. I remember her making fun of me because I cried and expressing how much better than me she was because she wasn’t crying. I hardly cried at all for more than 20 years following that day.

In our culture, we teach that crying means someone is spoiled, immature, weak, manipulative, insignificant. Women are afraid to cry in front of men because they fear they will be seen as weak. Men are afraid to cry in front of anyone because they are afraid they will be seen as failures. We are told to keep a stiff upper lip. We are told we need to be brave. We are told we need to be strong. Even when people are understanding of our tears they still do their best to get us to stop, letting us know it will be okay and there’s really no need to cry. When children cry we threaten, bribe, cajole, and distract them so they will stop.

With that in mind, I don’t feel shame or guilt that I stopped crying for so long. I know it was simply how I was trained. But over the past two years, I have worked at crying. I encourage you to do the same. Our culture is wrong when it tells us not to cry. Our culture is wrong when it tells us to discourage others from crying.

Sadly, even Christians have bought in to the “no cry” policy. Too often we act like the only emotionChristians should have is joy and happiness. We are afraid we aren’t being spiritual enough or trusting God enough if we cry. But Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to weep. Jesus wept (John 11:35). The apostle Paul cried more than any of them (Acts 20:19, 31; II Corinthians 2:4; Philippians 3:18). Tears are part of a healthy life. Tears are part of a spiritual life.

Like the hugging we learned about a few weeks ago, crying is actually good for us physiologically. Scientists have learned that emotional tears carry toxins out of our body that are increased due to stress, emotion, and pain. When we repress our crying, we aren’t showing strength, we are actually weakening our bodies. Some theorize that is why women in general live longer than men, they cry more readily getting rid of those toxins.

Why is it that hugging and crying, two extremely positive things are stigmatized by our culture? Why do men in particular want to hang on to failed stereotypes to express a terrible view of manhood?

Perhaps the Bible passage that has helped me the most is Romans 12:15. Paul wrote, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” He didn’t say distract those who weep. He didn’t say threaten those who weep. He didn’t say laugh at those who weep. He didn’t say stigmatize those who weep. He didn’t say ostracize those who weep. He didn’t say mock those who weep. He didn’t say stop those who weep. He didn’t say entertain those who weep. He didn’t even say comfort those who weep. He said weep with those who weep.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the shedding of tears. In fact, instead of trying to stop someone else, we should let their tears prompt our own. We need to empathize and feel the pain and sadness so that we too may release our own emotions. Their tears are worth shedding and worth shedding some of our own with them.

So which tears are worth shedding? Every single one of them. This resolution does not tell us to limit our tears to only those worthwhile. It encourages us to cry tears because they are necessary; they are worth shedding. Granted, you may, like Joseph in Genesis 43:30, need to get in a more appropriate location. You may not want to cry in front of your boss just because he shot down your proposal. But if it makes you sad, go somewhere and cry. It’s okay. You’re not a wimp or a loser; you’re living longer. If you’re children are crying because they broke a toy, don’t try to get them to stop by promising them a new one. Let them be sad for the loss of their old one. If one of your friends starts crying for some unknown reason, don’t push them away. Draw them close and let them know its okay.

If you need to cry, shed the tears. They are worth shedding.

(Come back next Wednesday. We’re going to talk about Doing Something Worth Watching.)

Don’t Let Television Get in the Way of Your Family

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Don’t worry, I’m not a radical who thinks television is from the devil and therefore you should burn it to release the evil spirit from your home. Though, I do think television can be a dangerous thing in our homes.

Last night, I was itching to watch the next installment of a show I’ve gotten hooked on. My three older kids are away for the week. Marita decided to go have some alone time at the bookstore. I was at home with 20-month-old Trina. My first thought was, it’s getting close to bed time. I could just put her to bed a little early and get to my television show. 

Fortunately, I held off that desire and spent a great hour with my daughter. I read two books to her as we shared some ice cream and brownies. Then I just held her for a few minutes. Then we talked–well, I talked, she jabbered. Then we played for a few minutes. Then we capped it all off with a few minutes of fun on the stairs. She had climbed up the stairs and was looking through the railing. I got lots of kisses and lots of high fives through the railing. She jabbered up a storm. I even got out the video camera and made a memory.

So, there were my choices. Find out what happens next on some tv show or enjoy time with my daughter. I think I made the right choice last night. 

I’m not saying it is wrong to watch tv. I’m just saying I have to be careful because television, even if the subject matter is completely harmless, can actually drive a wedge in the family. Make sure you don’t let it. Spend some time with your kids tonight before you turn on the tube. You’ll only get them at tonight’s age for just one night. Don’t miss it. If you don’t ever get to find out what happens next on that show, don’t worry about it. At least you’re making memories with your family.