God's Way Works

For a better life and a better eternity

Edwin Crozier

Growing Up: Part 1 (The Infant Stage)

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I recently read a very interesting book that provided an intriguing look at growing up, maturing (wait for it…wait for it… yes, here it is, an associate link: The Life Model: Living from the heart Jesus gave you). Their maturity progress is a mix of how we must grow just to get along in life, but also how we must grow in Jesus to be a maturing disciple. Over the next five Mondays, I want to simply share their five stages of maturity with you. I hope this will spark some great discussion about growing up and growing up in the Lord.

The biological ages provided are not saying once a person reaches that biological point they move on to the next maturity level. Rather, they simply point out the earliest point at which a person can move to the next maturity level. The fact is, someone may be 36 and still in the infant stage of maturity.

The stages are:

  1. Infant (0-3)
  2. Child (4-12)
  3. Adult (13-birth of first child)
  4. Parent (birth of first child-youngest child becomes an adult)
  5. Elder (beginning when youngest child becomes an adult)

The Infant Stage (0-3)

The baby stage. In fact, consider what being a baby is like and you see what this level of maturity is like. A baby cannot articulate her needs. A baby can simply scream when he needs or wants something. The parents must guess at his needs. Granted, good parents learn to guess well. They respond to the baby’s needs, nurturing it, feeding it, diapering it, holding it, comforting it.

This is exactly what an infant needs. She needs someone to provide this care-giving love. But more than that, she needs someone to provide these needs while seeing her as God sees her. That is, she needs to see joy on the faces of those who are caring for her. If he sees anger, hurt, fear, that is what he will learn to look for as he grows up. He’ll have a hard time maintaining a center of joy. He’ll have a hard time walking in and bearing the fruit of the Spirit, which is joy (Galatians 5:22).

The infant “needs to be the ‘sparkle in someone’s eye’ and to be with people that are ‘glad to be with them’ so that they live in joy and learn that joy is one’s normal state” (p. 20).

Progressing to the Next Level

Before progressing to the next level of maturity, the infant must accomplish 5 maturity tasks.

  1. Live in joy, expanding the capacity for joy and learn that joy is the normal state.
  2. Develop trust.
  3. Learn how to receive.
  4. Begin to organize self into a person through relationships.
  5. Learn how to return to joy from every unpleasant emotion.

These steps are accomplished as the family and community accomplishes the following 5 tasks respectively.

  1. Parents delight in the infant’s wonderful and unique existence.
  2. Parents build strong, loving, bonds with the infant–bonds of unconditional love.
  3. Give care that matches the infants needs, without the infant asking.
  4. Discover the true characteristics of the infant’s unique identity, through attention to the child’s behavior and character
  5. Provide enough safety and companionship during difficulties, so the infant can return to joy from any other emotion (p. 29).

Getting Stuck as a Baby

Have you ever seen someone you might call a big baby? That may be a very accurate description. The problem may really be that they never did progress beyond the infant stage of maturity.

If an infant is not provided the unconditional love, care, and nurturing, he will be wounded. He will get stuck in the infant stage. If he learns that he can’t trust others, he’ll always live in fear and distrust, wanting someone to take care of him but certain no one ever will. Do you think that might hinder his ability to rely on God?

If the parents and/or community around the child has not reached the parental stage of maturity, the child is going to be in trouble. The parents can’t give what they don’t have. If the parents are stuck in the infant stage or even the child stage, they will be seeking their own needs themselves and leaving the infant child to fend for herself. The parent, seeking his or her own needs, may “parentify” the infant, seeking their own happiness and comfort through the child. The roles become reversed and neither is fulfilled. It is the parents that are to provide the love and nurture to the child, not the other way around. Sadly, too many of us have kids because we are needy, not because we are prepared to care for a child.

Adult Infants

“‘Adult infants’ who have not received in these important areas as babies, will always be needy as adults. They will not be able to take care of themselves emotionally nor will they be able to appropriately receive important things from others. Adult infants will not ask for what they need because they believe if others really cared for them, they would figure out what they needed. Adult infants cannot handle criticism even if it is valid and constructive, because they see any negative feedback as a personal attack. They are often possessive of relationships, territory, power and possessions. Unfortunately for all involved, they also use fear bonding to ensure others will stay bonded to them [Fear bonding is getting others to stay in a relationship by using negative pressures, making them fear something negative if they act as themselves or if they leave the relationship-ELC]. And while ‘high functioning’ adult infants can appear responsible in many areas, like handling personal finances, and being punctual and reliable, emotionally they are severely crippled making it difficult for them to have successful and enduring relationships” (pp. 20-21).

The Spiritual Application

Do you think new converts might be in a similar stage as a newborn infant? They are extremely needy, but they don’t even yet know how to express their needs. They need to be in a family with mature Christians who can anticipate their needs and provide them without them even asking. They need spiritual parents who will care for them, nurturing them, teaching them they can trust the brethren and they can trust God. I can’t begin to suggest for how many years this stage is normal.

However, I can suggest that perhaps more Christians need more mature brethren to demonstrate that the newborn in the faith are the sparkle of our eyes, that we are overjoyed to have them in our presence. What might smiles, hugs, and listening ears accomplish for these new Christians? New Christians need more mature Christians who build strong bonds of unconditional love (emphasize unconditional love–not love until they have a relapse into their favorite pre-baptism sin). Infants in Christ need more mature Christians who discover the babe’s unique identity and strengths. These things might go a longer way to producing spiritual maturity than simply dropping them in a New Converts class and attempting to fill their heads with all the right answers to all the right questions. Babes in Christ need relationships. They will develop their relationship with God as they develop their relationship with other Christians.

Of course, we can’t give what we don’t have. If the congregation has no one at a parent or elder level maturity, there is going to be a problem. The church will then be filled only with people seeking others to care for them or who can only take care of themselves. That is a hurting place to be.

Ephesians 4:13 says we need to develop to mature manhood. If we are stuck in the infant stage, we need to do some work. We need to find some “parents” who can help us get unstuck and move past our wounds and hurts. Be honest with yourself. If you see yourself in that “adult infant” paragraph, seek some mature person out to help you grow.

I hope we can start a discussion here. How do we get beyond infanthood if we are stuck there?

Something Worth Doing, Part 17: Teach Something Worth Learning

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(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one. By the way, please check out the site for the Kelsey Wynne Harris Foundation and help promote the foundation by purchasing any of the Life’s More Interesting products. By the way, unlike the other links in this post, there is no affiliation link here. None of your purchases of these products grease my pockets.)

I feel like a broken record. With the last few posts in this series I’ve had to apologize for the huge gap between posts. The real truth is, these have been the hardest posts to write. There is so much in Kelsey’s poem for me that it takes a great deal of time. It’s not just a thought popping in my mind that I can expound briefly on in a few minutes. This takes real work. I hope they are helpful to you as thinking about them have been helpful to me. Here is the latest post.

Today, I want to Teach Something Worth Learning

What work could possibly be more noble than to pass on what we know, what we have experienced, what we have learned? What calling could be higher than to be the shoulders on which others can stand as they reach to even greater heights? Today, that is who I want to be. I want to be a teacher, but not just any teacher. I want to teach something worth learning. I may do this in a classroom, but I don’t have to be employed by the state or the local university to teach something worth learning. I can accomplish this whether I am a professor or preacher or parent or clerk or custodian or cabbie. I may work in a plant or work with plants. I may be an employer or the newest employee. I can still teach something worth learning.

 

What I Don’t Want to Teach

Teach something worth learning. I can’t read this without noticing what is not said.

I don’t want to teach something that will make me look good or make me popular.  I don’t want to teach something everybody likes. I don’t want to teach something that will make me lots of money.

I can simply strive to fit in with all the latest theories, pursue political correctness, tout the party lines. But what good is that? Will that push us further? Will that challenge us to be better? Will that inspire us to be great? No, that will only cause us to implode with our own sense of self-importance.

No doubt, there are multiple sides to this. Nothing I teach will make me popular or look good to everyone. No matter what I teach, someone will be unhappy with me. However, for some reason, each of us find our little group that we want to please. Because there are plenty who don’t like what we teach, we think we are just teaching what is worth learning. However, if we are not careful, even when we don’t accept the popular thinking of the world we become limited by the popular thinking of our niche market, we may go along just to get along with the people who have always liked us. We may find ourselves unwilling to question the traditions of our teachers or the positions of our peers. We may eventually stake out some ground we will protect at all costs. But who is helped by that? At that point, we have our ground covered but that ground has become just a rut. We’re not going anywhere.

I can become a hack. I can figure out what people want to hear, what people will pay to hear, what people will flock to hear and teach those things. But let’s face it; few things worth learning are ever popular at first. Usually, what is worth learning is challenging, life-changing, paradigm shifting. Those are all painful processes. Those who first hear them will rebel against them. If I take the easy way out and just teach what folks want to hear, who is helped? I have to stay the course and teach what is worth learning no matter how it is first received, no matter how it is ever received.

No doubt, if I teach well, no matter what I teach, I may become popular in some circles. I may look good for my ability.  Folks may be intrigued and pay money to hear what I teach. But that is not the goal and if I become enamored with those ends, I’ll stop teaching things worth learning. I don’t want to teach what makes me look good, popular, or rich. I want to teach something worth learning.

 

Not Just Teaching, Serving

Sadly, some will read this resolution and miss its true impact. This is not just about being a teacher. This resolution is profound because it is about being a servant. If I wanted to teach something that would make me look good or make me money, that would be about me. But when my goal is to pass on things worth learning, what I’m most concerned about is others.

I’ll never accomplish this goal if I’m selfish. When I’m selfish I pull everything I can to myself. I rape the world of its knowledge and manipulate it so I can get what I want. I may teach a lot of things with this selfish mindset, but I won’t teach things worth learning. Not really. I like what John Maxwell says about this, “We teach what we know; we reproduce what we are.” The fact is, with a selfish mindset I may say things that might be worth learning, but that’s not what people will learn. What they’ll get, no matter what I say, is what I am. What they’ll become is not what they hear, but what they see and experience in me.

Before I can teach things worth learning, I have to be a servant. I have to get rid of my self-centeredness. If for no other reason than teaching takes time. Teaching is time invested in others. And if I’m teaching things worth learning, I’ll be investing time in others to make them better, not to make them make me better. If my primary goal is about getting, I’ll never give what others really need to learn.

 

Start with Me

Teaching something worth learning is not about me. However, it has to start with me. Before I can teachsomething worth learning, I have to learn something worth teaching. Have you ever taken an airplane flight? Do you remember what the flight attendant told you? If the cabin depressurizes and the breathing masks fall, don’t put  someone else’s on first. Put your own mask on first and then help those around you. I can’t give what I don’t have. Further, if I don’t have and I try to give, there will be a reckoning. I can pretty up what someone else says and pass it on as if I’m a great teacher, but sooner or later it will shine through that I’m a fake.

Think of it like money. If my bank balance is on zero, I can write checks all day long. I can give and give and give, but when it comes time to cash those checks, I’m going to be in trouble. The same is true with teaching. If I haven’t taken the time to learn and I try to teach, there will be a reckoning and it won’t be pretty. It will hurt my students and they may come and hurt me.

Further, I must demonstrate that I know something worth learning. I don’t mean I need to get in a marketing campaign to let everyone know how wonderfully smart I am. However, if I want the opportunity to teach something worth learning, then others will have to see that I know something they want to learn. I can’t help but think of Jesus and His apostles in Luke 11:1. The disciples asked Him to teach them to pray. Why? Because they saw how He prayed and they wanted to learn. I don’t just get to teach because I was hired. I don’t just get to teach because I’m older than my kids. I really only get to teach when someone has seen that I know something they want to learn. Oh, I may say a lot of stuff. I may lecture and demonstrate, but I’m not really teaching unless others have determined that I have something they want to learn.

If I wanted to, I could buy a book on auto-mechanics. I could probably offer a great lecture, complete with compelling PowerPoint on fixing cars. However, if you really want to know how to fix cars, don’t come to me. Go to my friend, Dale. He’s actually spent some time working on cars. He’s actually fixed cars. I’ve only messed them up. If I really want to teach something, I need to spend time working on me first. I need to spend time learning something worth teaching.

 

What is Worth Learning?

I’m sure we all have different perspectives on what is worth learning. Not to mention, my perspective on what is worth learning has changed over the years. I fear providing a list of subjects because by this time next year, my list might have changed. Instead, I’ll provide four guidelines.

1. Is it true?

If what I’m saying isn’t true, then it simply isn’t worth learning. Why would I teach 2+2=5? It’s just not true. Now don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying everything I teach has to be factual. Teaching doesn’t have to be factual to be true. For instance, when Jesus taught His famous parables, none of them were factual. He wasn’t talking about a factual sower who sowed in four areas and received four different results. However, His message was true. I need to make sure what I’m teaching is true. I shouldn’t simply jump on the bandwagon with something just because I like it or it fits with what I’ve always thought. I need to test it. If I want to teach something worth learning, it needs to be true.

2. Is it helpful?

Some things might be true, but so what? What if someone was actually able to provide the true answer to the question of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? Who cares? I may learn the right answer to that question and shout it from the roof tops, but is it really worth learning? Was it really worth a learner’s time to listen to my calculations, proofs, and arguments? Or have I wasted their time? Stuff worth learning is worth living. If I really want to teach something worth learning, it needs to be something helpful.

3. Does it make people better?

I guess this is simply expanding the first point. However, I want to expand it. I know I have been too often caught up in the rat race. I went to school so I could learn things so I could get a job so I could make money so I could buy things. That seems to be the pretty standard practice in our culture. We learn so we can earn. But should that really be the goal of learning? Is money really what it’s all about? Do I really just go to school for a short period in life so I can get a career based on that learning? I think there is higher purpose. I need to learn so I can be a better person. I need to learn so I can be a more productive citizen. I need to learn so I can give more to my community and my fellow man. That doesn’t stop with a Bachelor’s degree and a steady job. That continues for life. Thus, if I’m actually going to teach something worth learning, it is not just about getting someone a job. It needs to be about making them a better person. I tend to believe when the world is filled with better people, the job market will take care of itself.

4. Does it inspire?

For far too many, teaching is about conveying facts. Can we fill someone else’s head with information that they can regurgitate later? Perhaps that is a form of teaching, but of what use is it. Life isn’t a standardized test. Things worth learning inspire learners to live them. If I want to teach something worth learning, it needs to be inspiring.

 

Conclusion

I want to be of service today. I want to get outside myself today. I want to help others today. Today, I want to teach something worth learning. I hope I’ve accomplished that goal with this post.

 

(Come back next week for our final post in this series: Be Someone Worth Knowing.)

For Dad So Loved His Family That He…

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John 3:16 is probably the most well-known and oft-quoted verse in the Bible (except perhaps Matthew 7:1). We all know it: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” That verse provides great comfort and encouragement for me. However, it hit me a little different today. 

My heavenly Father loved me so much, He gave His only begotten Son so I might live. That made me wonder, if my kids were writing a book what might they be able to say about me.

“Dad so loved us kids that he…”

What would they say?

I don’t have much to add to that right now. I just wanted you thinking about it too.

God’s Way Works

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For a long time, I’ve misunderstood Matthew 7:13-14: “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

I’ve treated that verse as if what it said was I needed to work really hard to put one foot in front of the other on God’s narrow way to show God how pleasing I can be to Him. I felt as if the narrow way was a test for me to show how good I can be. If I follow it close enough, God will deem me worthy of heaven.

I think I was wrong.

God has not established a narrow way in order to test my goodness. God wants me to have life and not destruction. He established the narrow way because it works.

What does this mean on a practical level? It means God hasn’t established His commands to make eternity hard for me to grasp. He has given His word to shine a light on the way and make it easier. Psalm 119:105 says God’s word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. He didn’t give His word to make it harder, but to make it easier. How hard would it be if I was left on my own to figure out how to journey into eternity?

Isaiah 50:10-11 talks to those who are walking in darkness and have no light. God says two things. He says they need to trust and rely on Him. Then He talks to those who light their own fires, that is follow their own ways. The end result, He says, is torment. Then there the two proverbs: Proverbs 14:12; 16:25 say, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

This is the point, if I want life, I can’t achieve it by being good enough. I can’t achieve it by earning it. I’ve already lost that. What then am I to do? Whatever God tells me. His way works. My way will just lead to death. If I go my own way, it’s not that I’m falling short of earning life, I’m simply not walking the path that leads to life. Think of it this way. I live off I-65 just south of Nashville, TN. If I wanted to go to Indianapolis, I’d hop on I-65 and drive north. Why? Why not turn onto I-40? Why not go south? Is it because going north on I-65 will earn my way into Indianapolis? No. It’s because that way works. When mapquest tells me to turn on to I-65, is it trying to stifle my expression, my creativity, my own strength? No. It is just telling me how to get there. It’s making it easier for me.

But God’s narrow way seems so difficult? I seem to keep falling off the side and into the ditch. I can keep getting up and getting back on the path because I know I’m not alone. God is working in me and through me (Philippians 2:12-13) and He is able to keep me from stumbling (Jude 1:24).

Today, instead of trying to earn your way into heaven by working hard on the narrow way, just do what God wants. His way works. Yours won’t.

Have You Told Your Father You Love Him Today: A Video from the Skit Guys

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Instead of trying to impress God with how amazing your works are. How about you just do your best to tell God you love Him today? The Skit Guys provide a modern parable about our family and then relate it to our relationship with God.

Since I missed posting yesterday, I thought this might be a great combination of a springboard for your spiritual life and your family life.

Enjoy.

6 Things to Do When You Forgot to Walk Your Dog or 6 Keys to an Actual Apology

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A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the #1 reason you should own a dog. That reason was that walking the dog helps provide a pause button before you blow up with anger. The problem is, even after writing that, I don’t alway remember to go walk the dog.

Last week I blew up at my daughter, Tessa, ironically enough about the dog. When I say I blew up, I mean volcanic eruption. Yelling, hateful speech, belittling and hurting. It was so awful, her only response was to break down in tears. That broke my heart. To know that I was the cause of such sadness and pain kills me. The problem is that it is too late to take it back. The damage has been done. However, just because the damage has been done doesn’t mean I just ask for God’s forgiveness and move on without looking back.

Matthew 5:23-24 says, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” What was sacrifice for under the Old Covenant? It wasn’t just an act of worship. Sacrifice was the means by which the Jews became reconciled with God for their sins. What then is Jesus saying? He’s saying that before I strive to be reconciled with God over some sin of mine, I need to reconcile with the person against whom I sinned. I can’t sin against people all day and then think a nightly prayer of confession wipes my slate clean. I need to be busy reconciling.

When I blew up at Tessa, I immediately knew I had done wrong. (I don’t treat that lightly. There was a time when I didn’t recognize that blowing up at my children was wrong. This immediate recognition is progress for me.) Within two minutes I had apologized. However, my apology went something like this, “Tessa, I’m sorry I blew up at you. But I’m just so tired of you arguing with me. You have to quit arguing with me and disrespecting me. I’m the parent in this relationship and you are supposed to do what I tell you without backtalking.”

Can you already see the problem? Sure, I said the words, “I’m sorry.” But I didn’t apologize. I didn’t seek amends. I didn’t reconcile. I actually just used those words to start another harangue on my daughter. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions. Rather, I admitted I had done something wrong but placed the responsibility on Tessa. The “apology” was more about what I thought she had done wrong than what I knew I had done wrong.

Sadly, my conviction on this flawed apology was a little bit slower in coming. It took all day for this conviction to come. (As a side note, this happened last Tuesday morning, which may explain why I was in no mood to get last week’s post up on a Springboard for Your Family.)

However, when I got home last week after our gospel meeting with Terry Francis, I pulled Tessa aside and offered a true apology, amends, reconciliation. Here is essentially what I said.

“Tessa, I need to offer you an apology. This morning when you argued with me, I blew up at you. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry. Then I offered an apology that wasn’t really an apology but actually a justification. I really blamed you for my sin. I do think you were wrong for arguing with me and disrespecting with me. But my angry outburst was not your fault. I acted like you were to blame when I was the one who blew up. Your arguing and my blowing up were two different things. I’m sorry for blowing up at you and I’m sorry for blaming you. I don’t want you to think you were at fault for my sin. Will you please forgive me?” She said yes and we hugged.

Please notice some things here that will help as we strive to reconcile with folks.

1) Take personal responsibility.

My angry outburst was mine. It wasn’t Tessa’s. Did she do something wrong? Sure. But that was hers and not mine. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does, I’m not given permission to sin. Therefore, when I’m seeking forgiveness and reconciliation I must not shift the responsibility to anyone else. When I do, I’m not really apologizing.

2) State the sin/wrong/hurt.

Many times, I want to gloss over my wrongs by just offering some kind of general apology or plea for reconciliation. However, if I really want reconciliation, I won’t gloss over but I will validate the other person’s feelings of hurt and anger by stating exactly what I did. I blew up. I justified. I acted like I was apologizing when I wasn’t. The way I avoided this in my second apology (first real apology) was to actually state all the sins I had committed, all the hurts I had administered. This showed that I really had thought about what I had done. I really did have remorse about the hurt. 

Before someone cries, “Wait a minute, God never said I had to list all the hurts,” let me make a comment. I’m not trying to write a 5-step plan for being forgiven by God so you can go to heaven. I’m writing what I’ve learned actually helps me reconcile with others. God did say you needed to reconcile with those you had wronged. I’ve learned this helps accomplish what God has asked of us.

3) State that it was a sin.

Certainly, sometimes I make errors in judgment or mistakes. When that is all I’ve done, that is all I need to admit to. However, when I’ve actually sinned (and wrathful outbursts and clamoring really are sins even when they are directed toward my children–Ephesians 4:31), I need to admit what I did. I shouldn’t minimize it. I shouldn’t play it down. I need to call a spade a spade and a sin a sin. Otherwise, I’m still not really apologizing and reconciling, am I?

4) Don’t demand the other apologize.

Tessa did wrong with her disrespectful argument and disobedience. But that didn’t need to be dealt with as I apologized for my sin. The fact is my apology would come off as manipulative if it appeared like my apology was actually fishing for Tessa to offer how own apology for her wrongs.

Don’t misunderstand, if someone has sinned against you, you should talk to them about it. I’m just saying the midst of your own apology is not the place to do it.

5) Ask for forgiveness.

When I’ve sinned, what I need most is forgiveness. I didn’t need to simply apologize and move on. I needed to put the ball in Tessa’s court. As much as it depends on me, I should be at peace with all people (Romans 12:18). That means I need to do my part. My part is to recognize my wrong, apologize, and seek forgiveness. When I’ve done that, then as far as it depends on me, I’m living peaceably with others.

6) Don’t act like forgiveness is owed.

You can’t see this point in my actual words, but rather in the omission of words. Fortunately, Tessa immediately agreed to forgive me. We hugged and moved on in our relationship. But what if she hadn’t forgiven me? What if she had said, “Dad, if this were the first time, I would forgive you. But this is the 100th time that I can recall. I’m just not ready to forgive you right now. Maybe later.” How should I respond?

This is a tough one for Christians because we immediately want to bring out Luke 17:3-4. “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in a day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” When we’ve done wrong and the other person is not forgiving us, we like to hammer him/her with this passage. But think through this for a moment.

If I’m asking Tessa for forgiveness, I’m asking for mercy. I’m asking for something I haven’t earned. Something that by definition she is not obligated by our relationship to give me. The problem is we Christians are often like little children and the word “Please.” When trying to teach my children manners and how to use the word “please,” we always hit a phase in which the child thinks that because they said “please” they are owed what they asked for. We tend to think that because we said, “I’m sorry; will you please forgive me,” the other person owes it to us and we start bludgeon them with the Bible when they are reluctant.

Here’s the problem. Should Tessa forgive me? Absolutely. But not because of me. She doesn’t owe me. She owes God. If she refused to forgive me, is that a problem. Absolutely. But that is between her and God, not between her and me. Should someone hold her accountable to God’s standard of forgiveness. Absolutely. But that is not my place. If I act like I’m owed this forgiveness I’m asking for, then I’m not actually asking for forgiveness am I. Forgiveness, by definition, is something not owed to me. 

If Tessa had trouble forgiving me, instead of holding Luke 17:3-4 over her head, I need to apologize again for setting a stumbling block before her. I sinned against her so badly that she is finding it hard to submit to God’s will. Far from acting like the truly spiritual one, I need to humbly make reconciliation for that further sin on my part.

I really hate to share this huge flub on my part. I’d rather get to come off as one of those guys who has done it all right and if you would just be like me you could do it all right too. Regrettably, that is just not the role God is letting me play. Instead, I hope you can learn from my school of hard knocks so you don’t have to go through them.