Last week, my buddy Clay Gentry reminded me of some great wisdom. Don’t interrupt; Listen.
Proverbs 18:13 says: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” This is great advice for all of life, but especially applies in the family. It especially applies there because I think the family relationship is where we are most likely to disregard this proverbial tidbit. After all, our family has to live with us. How easily we take those relationships for granted and just run roughshod over the ones we claim to love the most.
I know I struggle with this. My wife has waged a never ending battle against my tendency to interrupt. I like to think I’m doing better after almost 14 years of marriage. She may have something else to say about that.
What I try to remind myself and want to share with you is there are non-verbal messages we send through interruption that we probably don’t intend. We usually don’t mean them, at least not on a conscious level. The subconscious level is something we may have to work through with some help. I’ve had to learn what my wife and kids hear when I incessantly interrupt. If they hear it, whether I mean this or not, I’m saying it.
If you have a problem with interrupting, you need to recognize what you are saying to your spouse, kids, parents and everyone else. Here are 12 things you say every time you interrupt your family.
- I’m not listening to you.
- You’re not important to me.
- You’re thoughts and feelings are not important to me.
- What you’re saying is stupid. After all, if it were intelligent I would shut up and listen.
- I don’t respect you or what you’re saying.
- I don’t love you.
- I don’t have time for you.
- I’m too important to listen to you.
- You’re just wrong, listen to me.
- I’m not even considering what you are saying.
- You’re boring.
- Will you just shut up?
Yikes! I don’t want to say any of that to my wife or kids. Yet, I’ve said it way too many times. Sorry.
So, how do we overcome this? Come back next Tuesday to find out.
That was a wonderful article Edwin. This is true of wives as well and how we deal with each other as Christians. My daughter Lia took a trip and while on the plane, an old man talked her ears off. When they were leaving the plane, the old man said to her, "You are the most interesting person I've ever met!" Regardless of his motives, she was complimented on her listening skills.
Absolutely, Norma. I have a friend from whom I've tried to learn a great deal about relationships and conversations. He says his goal is like playing tennis. Listen intently and when given opportunity just get the ball back in their court. He lets the other folks do most of the talking but has been labeled a great conversationalist.
Edwin,
I'm glad that you found that Proverb helpful.
If I may I would also remind your readers for the need to show caution in conveying these same messages to our "other" families; our work and church families. In the arena of ideas, either at work or in a church bible class, we sometimes feel compelled to "speak our minds" as quickly as possible so everyone will know how smart we are. Interrupting our work and church family members stifles communication, participation, and collaboration… three things that every family needs to function at its best.
Clay
Thanks for chiming in, Clay. And thanks for challenging us to look beyond our physical families. Yes, we say these same things to everyone when we interrupt them whether they are family members, co-workers, neighbors, classmates, church members, etc.